Luke
You first posted on 8/19/2014. it is now 9/1/14 and this is where you are. And this was going on for at least a month or two before you figured anything out
She wants to have a longer meeting with him to tell him things she couldn't say in the short time they talked last week. She wanted to convince him it can't work.(So in my mind she wants to see if there is a way it can work) I told her if she wants to come back there's no easy way. She's going to feel pain in breaking it off. But she's trying to tear off the bandaid very slowly. Just gotta rip the sucker off.
Why does he need to be convinced of anything anyway???
So I guess that means until he decides it is over you live with it? That is insanity!!!
Every time you catch her she needs one more meeting. Now it is a longer meeting. You have it exactly right. The longer meeting needs to be to see if they can figure out how they can keep seeing each other.
Your attorney has told you do not force her out of the job if you divorce her. That is good advice because if you divorce her it does not matter.
There is absolutely no way at this point that you are going to stop this affair while she is in that job. It is at the point where that is impossible.
this is about the fourth or fifth time she needs one more meeting, now a LONGER one. That on top of having lunch with him three days a week or more, all the while knowing you are going to find out about it.
She went out with him after work Thursday to tell him she was going to IC, and that will give her more time in her mind for them to continue because in her mind that should make you think she is trying. She is not. You are clearly Plan B right now, and if it was not for the kids she would have left you.
Also, how much longer do you think this is going on before it turns a lot more physical. Do you really think that when they say good bye after each date, they just are shaking hands.
Luke, you have done a GREAT job of tracking her, but you have been way too lenient at making threats to her that are not being followed up on.
She has the perfect situation to jerk you around.
(1) OM at work. gets to see him 8-10 hours a day
(2) You putting up with her dates with him. You are making a lot of noise but the bottom line is there are still no consequences.
(3) Her mothers house is close buy and she could go there, so it would be easy for her to "separate" and continue her affair. Thankfully, you rejected that idea of giving him a trial run.
(4) The IC bull shit. To your horror, the IC may tell her she understands how hard it is and to continue what she is doing until she figures it out. How will that make you feel, and since it is IC, you will have no idea what she is telling her.
if you read the above, none of it points to you having any chance to save the marriage at this rate.
She is not going to stop. It has actually intensified in the last week. The only thing you may have stopped is the morning make out sessions since you are watching what time she leaves.
You need to file for divorce as soon as you get those papers in her hand and stop talking to her about it. You keep saying NC, and she keeps telling you she can't.
it's time to believe her.
[This message edited by Badhurt at 12:52 PM, September 1st (Monday)]