SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My fWW posted the song "STAY" by Sugarland on her facebook account right around Valentine's Day.

It is disgusting... and still on her page 3 years later. Treat yourself and look up the lyrics. "The Other Woman's Anthem" I call it. Said she just posted it because how powerfully it was sung. At this point it had been months since we had been intimate. Thought she might have been pining away for her old AP/MOM that I caught her trying to contact a few years earlier. Radar went up.

Another night while scrolling through channels I stopped a millisecond too long on the show "Cheaters" before going to the next channel. She made a big stink about "turning that trash off!" Radar... PING!

A week or two later she cancelled date night to go to the bar to help her girlfriend who was having "Boyfriend Trouble". She was waaaaaaaay overdressed for just casually going to the bar with her "Gal Pal" Laid in bed waiting up for her. She crept in at 3:00, went to the bathroom puked for a bit, took a shower, then slithered to bed. She needed to be up at 7 for work. Radar... Ping! Ping!

The next morningwhile showering I found evidence of "Personal Grooming" that I wasn't being privileged to. Radar... Ping! Ping! Ping!

It would be a few more weeks until I found the photos and text messages on her phone. D Day - 3/24/11

First clue was the moaning when I tip-toed into the apartment.

The BIGGEST clue were OM naked but-cheeks.

Lets see.....taking off his wedding ring (because of work) he said, shaving his private parts at age 59, guarding his phone like Fort Knox, obsessed with breath mints, sitting in his car for a few minutes after getting home to double check everything was deleted,taking out cash from the ATM and also having cash in his bedside table, treating me and the kids like dog excrement, sleeping as far away as possible, going to the gym in street clothes--the list is endless. THE BIGGEST CLUE--no lint in his belly button and trimming his gross ear hair!!!!

Eh my husband was pretty visible about all of it. He just gaslighted it.

I knew he was texting a lot. I knew his # of texts was a lot. I would briefly see it on our account sometimes. I didn't think to ask him.

He "went to the gym" 2-4x a week after work. his shift ended at 11:30 pm. He went to the gym "immediately afterwards." He'd get home at 3:30 a.m.... then 4 a.m. Then 5a.m. By Dday it was 6a.m.

I asked him wtf he was doing at the gym for 3 hours, SIX hours? Who goes to the gym SIX hours three times a week? He said the lies so smoothly... "well you know, we talk, we wait for everyone to get there (supposedly going with coworkers), so we start up around 12:45, then we do weights for an hour or so, then basketball for a couple hours. That's like 3:30 right there."

It didn't make any sense, but I didn't know how to not trust him.

He swears that SOME nights that was how it was - going with coworkers and all. I'm betting like... twice. In the past year, it actually truly went to 3:30. and I know it never went to 5. I saw a text from a "buddy" of his that "when I play basketball with you guys, I never get to sleep til like 3:30."

I saw the text logs, basketball nights ended at 2:30 then fuck session lasted til 3:30.

He told me a few times he was working an extra half a shift. I thought we ahd an extra $1000 coming in that month from the "extra" half shifts he was working. Even still, he came home at 6:20 a.m. I told him that made no sense, a "half" shift shouldve ended at 3. He swore up and down and was so defensive that I'd even ask, said he was working on this problem, then this paperwork, etc.

No he'd taken OW2 stargazing all night "and didnt plan to be gone that long."

Such an ass.

He wore a watch everyday from OW1. I thought it was the watch he'd bought the previosu summer on vacation. He had a coffee mug from OW1 in our cabinet. I knew it was new, but never thought to ask - most of his coworkers do overseas trips so I figured it came from one of them.

In my face, under my nose. All of it.

You don't want to know! I should be president of the "Duh?" club...

I too missed so many clues, or I guess just chose to be a trusting wife.

Like others, a couple of the OW tried to "friend" me on FB even though I had no clue who these women were.

The kicker though (I'm almost ashamed to admit this), is when I chose to ignore the fading hickey on my XWS' neck after a work trip. Yep, you read that right. He excused it away by saying he didn't know what it was and I excused it away to myself by thinking that it was due to his fair skin tone.

UGH!! I so want to face slap myself sometimes!

As you can tell by my user name, you aren't the only one that was clueless.

There was nothing blatantly obvious, and I was a trusting wife. The biggest thing that I remember was several times when he came home from work, he would pull into the garage and be there for a while. When I looked out, he was doing something on his phone. That, and the hands-free device was always sitting in the passenger seat when I got in his car. I didn't have access to his cell phone records at that time.

Everything that I saw could have been easily explained (lied about). It was just my gut feeling that made me keep looking.

I should be president of the "Duh?" club...

No, I should be.

Not much of a clue, just kind of a smack in the face.

He was texting with OW on his iPhone. His conversation was being repeated on his iPad that I was using. He never texted that much with anyone, but this went on and on and on. (Plus the dinging text sound was driving me crazy.)

So I started in on the conversation using the iPad and after a few minutes of my nonsense he started yelling "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT", ran up upstairs and yanked the iPad out of my hands.

But he was an idiot. I checked all his electronics after he was asleep and snoring. Phone texts, emails, facebook conversations, yahoo chat sessions. He never deleted anything and had them all auto-logged in.

BUSTED.

I had gone to a high school football game with my sister in law ( he didn't want to go). We got home late and H wasn't home. No big deal, he gets gets called out at night sometimes and lately....he was getting called out waaaaaay more than usual. I went to bed and didn't wake up until about 7 the next morning. He wasn't here. I tried to call him several times and text...no answer. (He's an investigator who works for the police dept.) I decided to call dispatch and let them know that I needed to hear from him. She said there was a murder, but H wasn't working it, and it had already been cleared. He always answers the phone for work so she apparently got in touch with him. He called me shortly after that and was "at the hospital finishing up a case and would be home in about an hour." Had I kicked him out that day, I wouldn't have had DDay # 2, but I panicked and pick me danced all over the place and "niced" him right back. Pitiful....I'm sure it made for good gossip at the department.

bigger

First clue was the moaning when I tip-toed into the apartment.

The BIGGEST clue were OM naked but-cheeks.

wow you walked in on them! Did you have a clue before though?

I don't know but I think I was pretty clueless. He said her name in his sleep. Because we worked together I thought he was having a dream about work. Duh!@&$

I don't know but I think I was pretty clueless. He said her name in his sleep. Because we worked together I thought he was having a dream about work. Duh!@&$

I didn't miss any clues. I simply denied that they were indeed clues

This!

wow you walked in on them! Did you have a clue before though?

No. Not an inkling. We were so madly in love and I really had no reason to suspect anything. I was in law enforcement at the time and was doing a 12 hour night-shift. Just about an hour before I left the apartment we were going over some mundane detail for our wedding that was scheduled 5 weeks later. Had to come home to get a clean shirt, tiptoed in as to not wake her and BANG! There it was.

I have since wondered if I missed any clues. No. None that I can really point at and say THIS is a clue. THIS should have told me.

In the days/weeks following several “friends” told me they had suspicions or had heard rumors. None of those “friends” had the balls to tell me about it though.

[This message edited by Bigger at 8:13 PM, September 19th (Friday)]

I have pretty good instincts. I have a second voice...I just have to choose to listen to it.

Other than that:

1) He gets super giddy when getting ready.to go out 'by himself'. (Like tonight....esp since it is semi legal as we will be divorcing).

2) He treats me worse than normal.