SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Listen to Badhurt, he's right on the money!

Never let her know about the VAR. Never quote details from it. Always phrase what you know as questions... it'll blow her mind.

"you probably discussed exactly what time I come home from work, didn't you?"

"you probably sat in the parking lot of some park somewhere figuring out ways to avoid being caught, didn't you?"

The VAR has paid HUGE dividends for me, even after I stopped giving two shits about who she was fucking. It's always nice to know your opponent's legal strategy!

geek squad won't help with info. sadly I didn't get anything off of the VAR because I didn't save the shutdown to off. It was still set to 10 minutes. Basically all I was able to hear was me putting it in place yesterday. Corrected that today. Hopefully I get something from it today. I tracked her home last night and I was shocked that she went straight home. I think I have a name though, but since the phone number is not producing fruit I will have to rely on the GPS and VAR. I'll ask the lawyer if he knows low cost PI that can do ore checking than I can. Meeting at 11:00.

Good man. Knowledge is power.

Well I'm sitting here crying like a bitch listening to Toni Braxton. I just finished the hardest thing that I had to do up until this point. I finished talking to the lawyer and I started the process. Was told it really doesn't make a difference about the affair in the long run since we make about the same. I'm still going to try to find out if I can get his info because I think he is married and I want her to know. Going to wallow in self pity for a bit to get it out of my system.

[This message edited by evdawg at 11:26 AM, August 27th (Wednesday)]

evdawg you will be doing the right thing by letting his wife know.

Just because you file does not mean the marriage is over but exposure will help make the affair very uncomfortable to carry on.

When she comes home fake like everything is okay.

Someday soon you will get angry. I can lend you a Slayer CD on that day if you need it.

Hang in there buddy. One foot in front of the other for now. Remember to eat, force yourself. Drink a lot of water.

evdawg:

Please expose this to the wife of the other man.

It will serve two purposes.

It will enlighten the wife to the treacherous behavior of her husband.

And, It will put another pair of eyes the two, should you decide to reconcile.

All hope isn't lost. But you absolutely are doing the right thing by informing the other man. It seriously is the best chance you have.

Well done on the paperwork. I hope that the outcome is better for you either way.

I am striking out everywhere I turn to try to get any kind of information on this guy. Just because I think I know who it is I don't want to be wrong and blame the wrong person and possibly jack up someone else marriage. I'm running out of ideas on this front. And I hate the Idea that she is going to get 50K form my 401K because she doesn't have one. Slayer, thanks for the offer, but I prefer NWA.

[This message edited by evdawg at 2:49 PM, August 27th (Wednesday)]

Evdawg

Now that you have seen attorney and know the score, I think tonight if there is nothing on VAR, and phone keeps beeping I think you should force a mini confrontation by telling her all these late night phone calls have you wondering who is doing all this texting to her.

That may trick her into contacting OM and you hearing who it is when you listen.

While it is important to find wife of OM , you should not be adding additional hurt to yourself by prolonging this jurist to do that . You know it is a affair

When you give her the papers it is likely you will find out who it is at that time.

Delaying this will take its toll on you. As soon as attorney draws up the papers sit her down, tell her you know she is having an affair.

She will either be apologetic or arrogant. Then you decide if there is any possibility of R.

Have you tried searching the number on Facebook? Does your WW have a Facebook account? She probably has him as a friend.

Badhurt, that was my plan. As soon as I get them I'll be confronting her. Toby, she shut them down a bit ago probably to cover her tracks. It seems like its strickly texts and phone calls between them. And she clasps that phone l like a gold brick.

[This message edited by evdawg at 5:42 PM, August 27th (Wednesday)]

 And she clasps that phone l like a gold brick.

That's the most common and most telling sign of an affair. Being over protective of the phone = EA is occurring. Unless she is trafficking in state secrets...

That's the most common and most telling sign of an affair. Being over protective of the phone = EA is occurring. Unless she is trafficking in state secrets...

If she has nothing to hide?

Maybe she is one of them home grown terrorists

Spokeo.com

I not only found names I found her parents names addresses & phone and OBH name & phone. Best money I ever spent.

PeopleSmart is pretty good too.

Tried that site. His phone number does not give a name.

Anything on VAR. ???

When are the D papers ready??

What happened with her phone last night. More calls??

Did you say anything ?

The attorney - he did not have a PI for you?

Get a PI. Somehow.

It is not that expensive because all you need is a name/loc & they can do that in about 5 minutes.

I'm glad you found us - be strong brother!

Do not let on - anything - until you are able to out him to his W.

Then, you out to her with compassion, giving all your evidence, leaving a dump email if she needs further contact, evidence, or clarification,

and

most importantly:

Let go of the outcome!

Then be firm with your demands.

If you want to R,

she must be

MUST BE

Remorseful - concerned about the hurt she did to you

(not regret - that's concerned with the consequences to herself - you know the difference!)

Transparent - all tools she used open to you

(& no, you are not "invading her privacy" - you are exposing her secrets - big big difference!)

Honest

& finally

No Contact w her affair partner.

These are a must - non-negotiable.

Stand firm brother.

Sending strength!

I don't know why it has taken me so long to figure out why I can't get a name from his phone number.the phone is obviously a pay as you go phone therefore you do not need to put any information in on who you are. Now that definitely tells me that she is dealing with a married man. I believe only a married man with use that kind of phone to keep an affair private. I am still going to try and find out all of the information that I can but obviously it's going to be that much harder.

Jjtc, I do want to R, but I don't think its in the cards for me. I'll ask about the PI on my next visit to the attorney. Its still going to be community debt so why the hell not.

[This message edited by evdawg at 8:09 AM, August 28th (Thursday)]

Evdawg,

You are probably right. I honestly think you should make a switch in strategy. I think the OM is an experienced cheater because your wife is obviously also being very careful except for using her cell phone. Normally, in a torrid affair you would have picked up some conversation in the car since you have stated aside from the phone going off she is acting normal, not staying out late, no girls nights, or other long periods of unaccounted for time. That makes me think their meet ups are either during the day or like you said the days you work late.

She came home on time Tuesday before VAR was in place. Saturday will be the next "test" day.

Evdawg, the PI will find the guy quickly. If you do not do that, I honestly have to respectfully disagree with the advice for you to keep waiting. What are you waiting for???

(1) you know she is cheating on you. You already have seen enough to convince you of that. And her phone guarding verifies that.

(2) your attorney has already told you what is going to happen and that the infidelity means nothing,!so what more is there to prove. You could put a key logger on her computer if you can get to it.

If you are right and this guy is married, and you cannot reach his wife, your condition of R if by any chance you want to consider it is to demand she give you his name and phone number. You would get that on any transparency that you demand.

You are obviously emotional distressed , and with good reason, and it is easy for those who are healed to advise enduring more pain. If you were trying to see if she was cheating there might be more reason to watch and wait. I just can't see what purpose it serves.

When will your attorney have the papers??? I still think you should try to rattle her a little to make her yak on cell in car.

You have to decide how much pan you can endure sitting there night after night knowing what is going on .

I would confront her as soon as possible to blow this affair or marriage up so you can move on.