SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Five years ago today, my wife of ten years with two daughters, disclosed to me that she had a three-month affair with her boss. In the weeks that followed, I turned to Therapy, Medications, this Website and Darkness. On Monday, February 15th I was at the point of suicide. I said on this site then, that I didn't finally try to commit suicide but I will forever live my life understanding why people do. The pain was too much to bare. Only the love I had for my two daughters gave me the strength to get through this most difficult time. No one knows how awful it is to be the victim of infidelity unless your share the scars so many of us do. Around mid-March of that same year, I went off my medication, found a new therapist, and began to try to survive. After a year of attempting to reconcile, many negotiations, the loss of my heart and giving up, my wife that I loved and I divorced on February 2nd 2011.

I had a 50/50 parenting arrangement with her because the most important thing was my daughters. For the next 12 months, I found refuge in a rebound relationship that helped with the ability to take care of my girls and me. We lived with another family. This was a huge mistake. I started this relationship in November and rushed into a serious problem only months later. I wanted my old life back. Attempting to be in a relationship too early and the unrealistic expectations of it were overwhelming. I was still struggling from the loss of my marriage. My daughters were hurt again. I felt so low and alone and I struggled each day to move on. I only wanted smiles for my daughters and the sense of family that was taken from me.

In February of 2012 I decided to live on my own. And for the next nine months I unplugged from the world. This is when life turned around. I got out and lightly dated. Purposely focusing on myself and sharing laughs with the new people in my life. I rediscovered my friends. I kept my single life void of meaning and intimacy as I started to pick up the pieces of my past. Most of all I found the beauty in being the best father I could be. I always kept their intentions as my first priority. I found such joy in simply being with them. In August 2012 I took my girls to Disney. One night at Epcot we walked around to all the nations taking pictures with princesses and enjoying the fireworks. With one hand in each of their's, I took a deep breath and felt the earth beneath my feet again. It was the first time since January 30th, 2010. I realized I had my family. They were never gone. I just had to breathe and find them.

On December 28 of 2012 by random chance, a real life princess walked into my life. I was ready for her. She was a beautiful, vibrant mother of two girls. We took a year before ever exposing our girls to each other for more then a simple dinner. We are now together for our third year, recently engaged and set to be married in the spring of 2016. My ex-wife and I speak daily as good friends and are doing the best job we can co-parenting our daughters. I love my fiancé in ways I never felt I could love a partner and my daughters live each day with smiles ear to ear.

I woke up this morning realizing how strong I had become and wanted to make a visit to the site that was so important to me five years ago. For everyone who has unfortunately found their way here recently, I can only say to you that time does heal. The scars of my trauma will never go away. I recognize that I do have PTSD. However, if you maintain your focus on yourself there is relief ahead of you. This sounds crazy, but I'm thankful for my ex-wife's misleadings. It has opened a life that I treasure so much. And a relationship with my daughters that is beautiful. Take time, and take care. If you are in crisis be patient. You may feel like you will never see the end of the fog, but you will!!! When the earth returns to your feet you will know it. Take this opportunity to make a stronger and better life for yourself. There is life after infidelity.

D

[This message edited by Formydaughters at 6:45 AM, February 22nd (Sunday)]

Wow, so glad to read this, it's great that you shared this with us and that you all are happy!:) Congratulations and keep up the great work!

If I may, I'd just like to mention that if your kids haven't attended any therapy, I'd strongly recommend you take them to see a good family/children's counsellor at least 2-3 times, so they can get professional help with the emotional fallout from all this.

Best wishes!

Thank you for your reply, my oldest saw somebody for a short period of time but could use a little more. My youngest never did. Both their mother and I believe that they would benefit. I definitely appreciate the advice, and both girls will be consulting somebody soon.

I know someone who is in a similar situation as yours. The WW and BH divorced 5 years ago...and had three kids. They are now both in healthy relationships...and the children are flourishing. The partners of the parents adore these children...and they have extra grandparents as well as uncles and aunts who love them too . It doesn't always work out this way...but sometimes it is pretty nice given the circumstances.

Thanks for sharing this - I really needed it

Thank you so very much for this post formyfamily!

I'm about 8 months after DDay. My wife was in an EA and PA for 9+ months. After a lot of headaches and heartaches, I'm ready to call it quit. The magnitude of infidelity my WW engaged in left nothing for me to hang on to and I don't think I can ever get over it. We have 2 kids and am glad to know that there's even a possibility of a new future.

What an uplifting post I'm very happy for you.

Thanks for posting formyfamily123.

It gives us BS's some hope for the future, especially during those all too frequent 'difficult' days.

Thank you.

I wasn't here on the site 5 years ago, so I didn't know your story back then. It's so wonderful to hear stories about families who are doing so well. I'm so very happy for you & your girls.

Thank you for sharing! It was uplifting and I needed to hear it.

Best Wishes for a beautiful future!

Thank you for all your replies. It's been an emotional day. I really can't believe five years have passed and how my life is different. I still remember everything about my DD. I must say how reassuring this site was for me back then. thank you to everyone for your thoughts and compassion. I am looking forward to becoming active again hoping I can be the helpful hand so many were to me.

That was a hell of an inspirational post. Thank you very much for sharing.

formyfamily123 - if you have the chance to go back 5 years, what would you have done differently? Would you still have D'ed?

I guess the big answer is yes. If I could do it all over again, yes I would still divorce my ex-wife. But I don't think I would've answered that way until the summer of 2012. When I was in crisis If there was enough fight in her I probably would have given the marriage a 2nd chance. She fought but was in crisis herself. And I was not strong yet. Reconciliation for me would have been a mistake. Unfortunately for me the affair and the lack of personal discipline demonstrated by the ex wife was too much to overcome. Today, she still isn't the type person I envisioned being with as life ages. I'm sorry but trust is a huge reason why. Even more then the affair, can I trust her to be there when I really need her ??? For me the answer was no. She was always like this but it took my maturing to see it.

If I could go back I would do 2011 all over again and differently. I will always look at it as the worst year of my life. Worse then all of 2010's pain. I made such a bad decision jumping into a significant relationship. I was fragile and weak. I'll live my life trying to make this up to my daughters. I also regret because I would have gone back with my ex during this time frame because I wasn't rehabbing myself. In weakness I would've regressed back to what I knew which was my old life.

If I could do it all over again, I would have lived on my own right from the day I really knew my marriage was over. That was June of 2010. It took close to 2 years for me to get to that point. I would've rehabbed myself and not even dated for a while. 8 months to a year.

One thing I think I did right that other people I know who are divorced haven't is how I dated. From February to June of 2012 I did not date at all. It was so valuable figuring things out for myself. I got in shape, and really reflected on not only the last two years but life in general. My girls were my focus. In June of 2012 I went on match. And I went on about 15 first dates. I purposely stayed away from sex except with one who I did see about 8 times. I don't regret it. She was sweet and our lives didn't match. Breaking up was sad but no one got hurt. In total I was with 2 women between divorce and my current engagement.

My point is intimacy can cloud what you really think of someone. Dating a lot of people I got a really good grasp of what I was looking for. When I first met my now fiancé I was drawn in by who she was immediately. I took my time with the pacing but I was so excited to learn more about her every day. Now in our third year the endorphins of a new relationship are quieter. But I truly feel like I have someone that has all the qualities that I want in someone that I will age with. I can't imagine my life without my new life mate. And I completely trust her which is something I never thought I would in anyone only a few years ago.

I am so happy for you. The lessons are painful, but your efforts paid off. It sounds like you are in a much better place in life. Congratulations on your engagement.

Thank you. Feels good to be back in here. My platinum privileges just activated. Anyone who's been here for a while it's worth every penny to go back and look at your old activity. Sobering how bad things were.

Thank you! As I start into this discovery process it brings tears to m eyes to read your journey through it to a new happy place. I'm happy for you.

Thank you Formyfamily, this gives me hope that I too will be able to move to a more positive place. I wish you all the best.

Very nice update. So glad to see you have come so far in your healing. Thanks for coming back and sharing the hope with others.

[This message edited by Formydaughters at 11:01 PM, February 21st (Saturday)]

Thank you so much for your words! i needed them today and I will keep this post in my diary for the future.

Congratulations for your new life! I hope in 5 years to be posting something similar!