SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The MC is in a tough spot because she has an obligation to notify a third party if her client is a threat.

DG's WW has told the MC he is. DG has snapped at the MC. DG has now confirmed the trashing of a hotel room and the threat to OM.

The MC must try to convince WW to not give DG the passwords because if DG causes harm to anyone as a result, the MC well be liable. This can be criminal charges depending on what DG does.

I don't see why DG just can't bring up a new MC. He's not the one who went out and got a boyfriend, it should logically be up to him to find the best MC. Again, this is where I think he can involve his daughters helping them find a good one. They'll only need it for two classes any ways.

This is like one of those horror movies where the pretty young girl is going outside to check on a funny noise. We know what's going to happen because we've seen so many horror movies but you're still cringing at it happens!

DG we are rooting for you hard man. Excuse the tough love!

If the deal is to open the devices in the MC session...

She knows you will have the devices with you on that day. With the help of the MC, they may have the police on standby to seize the devices.

As long as they do not arrest you at the same time...

Guess this scenario will be enough to show your daughters you are not unreasonable?

To let them see what lengths their mother will go to?

You've heard from professionals here.

You need a divorce lawyer AND a criminal attorney on standby.

DG,

I'm a retired police officer. I see you falling into the same "trap" many honest people do when dealing with dishonest people, or people with clear agendas:

Too honest, too forthcoming, offering to much information or explanation.

Sad to say, but the players here are operating under two very different sets of rules. She, and the MC have a clear goal, and ignore everything else to achieve that goal. Truth, honesty, "the big picture" are meaningless to them. They will do and say whatever is necessary to get the result they want.

You, like many honest and vulnerable people are a jiggling mess of fear and emotion. Nervous, afraid you'll be misinterpreted, afraid people will think you're lying. You offer up all your faults and misdeeds to show your honesty, but its just used against you.

You cannot compete with your wife, et al, unless you are playing under the same rules and tactics.

I do have a couple answers for that. I think it might be more of a difference in terminology. The word 'snapped' for instance. I used the word first but she latched onto it. MC, "Have you snapped when discussing marital issues with WW?" My answer, "No, but I was bent so far out of shape it's a wonder I didn't snap."

Alternate answer: No.

MC, "Ok, so you didn’t snap. Did you also ‘not snap’ when you trashed a certain motel room in which you were a guest." My reply, "That’s when I discovered my wife was also in a MOTEL ROOM too, but not MY motel room and not with ME! “So, you snapped because she was in a motel room?” "Not really, I snapped because she was supposed to be at Walmart shopping."

Alternate answer: That involved neither my wife or marriage. Could we stay on focus?

There is also a confusion of the word 'friend.' MC, "Did you also ‘snap’ when you confronted and initiated a physical altercation with a long-time family friend of your wife’s family?" My reply, "You mean 'friend' as in 'friend with benefits, or do you mean friend as a buddy, like in fuck buddy?"

Alternate answer: No. I reasonably responded to his aggression as any husband would.

Keep things short; don't offer info in situations it could be used against you.

Jcanada is right but I have a better solution.

Don't go to the MC anymore or find another one. Lawyer up. And pout pressure on the daughters. If they really care about you as much as you say, they will understand your predicament. Assuming they are inexperienced with infidelity, they have no clue what you are facing. You either need to educate them or ignore them at this time.

Your walking into MC next week is like a World War 1 charge over 'no man's land' and if this is a set up, you are done and there's not a damn thing anyone on here can do at that point to save you IMO

Your wife knows the marriage is over. This whole MC thing is a sham designed as a battle over the good will of your daughters, and you are losing.

I know you are going because you promised your daughters. But you must see that you are being set up.

For what?

She can't kick you out of the house on domestic violence threats or a restraining order. You're not there.

Domestic violence/restraining orders don't come into play on marriage dissolution financial settlements.

Her only motivation is to stack the good-will and respect of your daughters and friends and family against you. Period.

She is not sorry or she would NOT be doing this.

Think of the scene in "Saving Private Ryan" where the German soldier is intimately killing the American soldier he has pinned down, shushing him from crying out. That's what your wife is doing to you.

There is no love in this.

Do not go back for more disrespect and alienation processing. PLEASE do not play into her hands anymore.

[This message edited by k8la at 7:11 AM, May 9th (Saturday)]

Hey DG

I want to encourage you to see this through.

Go back to the MC.

Listen.

Then turn to your wife at the end of the session, hold out your hand to her and ask for the passwords.

If your wife gives them to you great.

If she does not give them to you then reach into your back pocket.

Pull out the business card of your attorney and hand it to your wife.

Tell her she will be hearing from the attorney soon.

Stand up and walk out the door.

It really is that simple.

You only have one direction to walk in.

Forward.

With her or without her.

HM

Happyman, great scenario, except she wants to open the devices there in front of the MC.

That's why I suggested that she will ambush with police at the next session.

We're here for DG.

Do what you gotta do...just take into account the devious things that can befall you.

Strength

sandy, with all due respect, those of us who are recommending against continuing with MC have considerably more experience---both personally and on SI--than those who are recommending to to to MC as "a means to an end."

With respect - Please don't presume my knowledge on these issues. Just because I've not been on SI for years, doesn't mean I'm a novice.

My point is that DG does not want his daughters to blame him, which they would if he didn't agree to and go ahead with MC.

Being blamed when you've done nothing wrong and having your kids blame you for the end of the marriage isn't good . No one here would have to live the lonely life is the girls turn against him.

I am well aware the MC is trying to blame DG and make him seem like the bad guy. Advice about carrying a VAR and ignoring the MC /not getting angry is great.

For the three daughters to come and meet, shows how close this family is. I wouldn't want to be a lonely old man without my daughters, because they felt I ended the marriage because of a few 'silly texts'

There's only one MC session left anyway.

ETA

Do not take the devices to the next MC session. Get the password /s and go home.

Be as cool as a cucumber.

[This message edited by sandylee at 1:01 PM, May 9th (Saturday)]

Oh, he ain't gettin'those passwords. He was never gettin' those passwords. This is all just a shell game designed to distract him and move him into the chosen position.

I hope I'm wrong. I'll be so happy for him if I am.

This is the first time I have chosen to comment on this thread. I have listened to all & respect everyone's right to comment. However I have always believed it is better to err on the side of caution in most situations.

This is an open forum. Anyone can read, comment & respond. That includes anyone who wants to produces a false profile. Laying ones cards on the table (as DG is doing) is not always wise. Especially if DG is being monitored & manipulated.

If he goes to next MC session he might consider not bringing laptop. Or consider seeking legal council before next session.

I do feel as many do that DG is being setup & his desire to be "the good guy" is going to be used to hurt him. He will have to decide if the possible negative consequences he may find himself in (possible charges for theft of laptop, peace bond enactment, etc) just so he can feel he was the good guy are worth it.. Good guys finish ahead only works in an honourable situation. This is not that. As our police officer was kind enough to point out, this may end up much worse than DG expects. He may wish he had just taken info from laptop. & then returned it to his WW & made his decision accordingly.

I also believe his daughters are being manipulated.

DG I wish you clarity & eventually peace

[This message edited by Sian at 2:47 PM, May 9th (Saturday)]

I agree with Tears and Siam

Do not under any circumstances take the phone and laptop with you to MC. You go there, let them say their piece, get the passwords and leave. Do not give them an opportunity to have the cops meet you there and take it away from you before you have a chance to look at it.

I think you're making a foolish mistake not cracking the passwords ahead of time. I don't think you're ever going to see what's in there if you continue on the route you're on.

You are being set up and nothing good will come of it if you don't take precautions. The old saying about a trap not being a trap if you know about it only applies if you take steps to deal with it. If you waddle into it without taking steps to defeat it it will defeat you.

If the e-mails and text are so benign that your wife, daughters and MC think there is nothing to be upset about, then why not have your wife give her passwords to your oldest daughter to see ahead of you viewing them? Unless, you think your daughter would erase to protect her Mom????

I know it is not really fair to your daughters, but they are already in the middle of this fiasco. And, since your wife has given them the BS that it was a stupid, silly fantasy, that is all benign, then she should not have a problem with them seeing the texts and e-mails, right?

He knows OM has texted nude pictures of himself... sure the emails are worse. Not for daughters eyes.

I know the majority of the posts here have been suspicious of the MC - and I REALLY question why she is doing what she is doing.

BUT

There is a telling of this thread that suggests a remorseful and very desperate wife. You might want to think about how you feel if it turns out they never had sex.

There is no need to make a decision soon. Filing - which I think makes sense - doesn't mean the end.

Not trying to confuse you - just trying to say that you might go into your last MC with some of objectives - prime among them how you children should NOT be involved.

Good luck

If his wife thinks he can't handle what's there, his daughters shouldn't see it. While I believe in honesty with kids, there are some things that can't be unseen- like naked pictures of mom and om or graphic sexual discussion. No way would I want to see that from my parents. There wouldn't be enough brain bleach for me to recover from that.

Okay I am going to keep this simple

If you take the devices in to see counselor you are fucked, plain and simple.

Take them in only after you have cracked them and have Ll intel you need and downloaded copies.

Do not tell them they were cracked.

You will see she was never going to give you the lasswords to the devices.

I know, and so does his wife. My main idea was to see her squirm her way out of that one because you know when push comes to shove she doesn't want her daughters to see it. No matter how much her words tell her daughters that it is all innocent, silly, stupid and benign, her actions would clearly show otherwise.

[This message edited by EDarcy at 5:43 PM, May 9th (Saturday)]

I agree with Nucking