SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Mrhealed

Where is OM now?

OM is living in a tiny little garage behind his sisters house (with emphasis on the words 'tiny little').

I assume that OBS is getting D from him?

Yes. OM was overtaken with emotion when OMW let him know that she had filed for divorce. This display of emotion encouraged her to take out a Restraining Order. He has been removed from the premises. OMW is hell on wheels. She did not need confession or proof; smoking gun was fine with her.

Is your WW still in contact with OM?

The time of their aborted meet at motel was last civil contact they've had. He wanted to move in with her, and she wanted to puke.

Are you getting help from IC, family, friends, etc.?

My friends have been great. Many of them have been fvcked over and I tell then it just took me a while to make it to the front of the line.

Last question, the most important. How are you doing?

Honestly? I don't know. I don't know if I will ever be able to give an honest answer to that question again. There was a time I would answer, "Fine, couldn't be better," not realizing that, in reality, things couldn't be worse.

So Mrhealed, my answer is, "Great, as far as I know."

DG,

You know you can come here to rant about anything and to write whatever you want... It may be therapeutic

The first step to get better is to want to be better. If you dont want to do it for you do it for your girls.

IMO you may use some AD.

Good luck

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 11:31 AM, August 18th (Tuesday)]

So I've been following and never said anything but I've been wondering about the emails. If it isn't too much to ask could you tell me exactly what the emails said, because I don't see how she could be telling you they weren't meant a certain way , when you read them your self and interrupted it a different way then she's saying.

iwascheated

So I've been following and never said anything but I've been wondering about the emails. If it isn't too much to ask could you tell me exactly what the emails said, because I don't see how she could be telling you they weren't meant a certain way , when you read them your self and interrupted it a different way then she's saying.

I can paraphrase: WW was raking OM over the coals for 'playing footsies' with her, with me sitting their with them at the table. OM said something like, "Relax, the idiot doesn't know his azz from a hole in the ground, he was sitting their holding your hand for Christ's sake." WW replies, "Would that qualify as my first threesome?"

Before this, WW had sent a few emails (maybe 10) chastising him for playing footsies, accusing OM of deliberately trying to make me look bad and she even broke off their arrangement at one point. OM then sweet talked WW back into the affair.

Her argument to me is: If I take the entire emails in context, then basically, she was defending me.

[This message edited by DoneGone at 7:13 AM, August 19th (Wednesday)]

DG,

I am wondering if OM for any reazon hated you before? I mean why did he wanted to make you look bad in first place?

I am by no means justifiying yiur Ww doings, she was supossed to defend you always, instead of that she willingly helped OM to badmouthed you. Well the afyedmath when everything is in the open now is that the only ones that really look really bad are OM and your WW.

When someone try to put somethong in context is for triying to explain why somethign happened but the thing is that it mayexplain a lot but justify nothign at all.

IMO there is no way the one you love and care need to hear a lame excuse like "in context".

DG, do you beleive that yiu would ever use this ecuse referong to something you said about your wife? About something she wasnt aware at the time? I dont think so.

I am sorry bit your wife is still lying and playing games. I hope she istil in IC.

Good luck

People say things they don't believe or mean. She ran you down to gain more flattery. OM may have had no idea who you were. He was merely dissing you to make your WW's secretions flow.

Sometimes people lie because it is expedient. Sometimes the lies become the truth whole in other cases the lies become a shameful embarrassment.

It is a good thing that you have the strength to end your marriage. It proves that there are consequences for lying.

DG,

Do you ever imagine that someday, perhaps when you are in your 60s or 70s, you might reconcile with your wife in relationship based on genuine regard and affection?

As to a revenge affair, you should indeed wait and make certain it is something worthy.

OM said something like, "Relax, the idiot doesn't know his azz from a hole in the ground.”

OM is living in a tiny little garage behind his sisters house (with emphasis on the words 'tiny little').

It sounds like the OM’s azz is living in a hole in the ground.

[This message edited by Graywolf at 4:50 PM, August 19th (Wednesday)]

Her choice of affair partner is pretty bothersome.. This unemployed, video game playing loser out alpha'd you in her mind. What does it tell you about her ?

Not that having an affair with a successful man is better in anyway but how could she fall for this guy ?

Her argument to me is: If I take the entire emails in context, then basically, she was defending me.

Anyone else want to puke with me ?

Not only did she have the affair but the disrespectful way she dragged you into their affairs, calling it a threesome..I think your wife is a pretty shitty human being. Had an affair, manipulated your daughters and turned them against you, tries to guilt you, wouldn't give you the details, humiliated you to her OM...

[This message edited by kimichi at 11:09 AM, August 20th (Thursday)]

I think we can all agree (those of us that read some of the exchanges between WS and AP) that it isn't unusual for them to say horrific things about their 'stupid spouses' (myself included) when they are in that 'mode'.

I am not excusing it - it still turns me inside out - but it just seems to be part of the sleazy thrill...

Oh no... No revenge affair w OBS. You've done so well with so much. Don't. You'd regret it.

I know you've already said you aren't going to do this - just adding my solid vote of NO.

As for the emails you were referring to where they were bashing you, I think you posted at least a portion of them somewhere in the thread already - am I mistaken?

I'm sorry things are going towards D. Not that any of us are surprised, but you like to always hope.

Stay strong!

Moral high ground. It's a beautiful place, albeit in this scenerio it's a shitty way to have to be there but none the less the OP has it.

The way I read everyone encouraging this "revenge affair", I almost read it as everyone condoning the OP to roll in the same mire they are covered in.

Why would the WW encourage you having sex with her former AP's wife? To stick it to him? So you can feel better? What does she get out of it? A little he's had his fun so we're sort of even? Her messed up way of evening the score?

The moral high ground you have. Cherish it, then use it as a platform for healing and preparing a better and emotionally healthier future for yourself. Let others roll in the mire, if there are any silver linings in this shitty hand you were dealt, is you have the opportunity to say f*ck the world and build a better you and take the time to be choosy and select only the best.

Good luck.

I do think it's healthy to have coffee with her. Not everything has to be sexual. You both are getting through effectively the same thing and right now everyone needs as much support network as possible.

DoneGone,

How are you doing?

DoneGone.......

whew!!!! I read most of your postings.

I had read some when you first started out, but since then I have come back to read your last one.

Really sorry for you and your kids, really. What a mess she made.

My ex did the same but worse!!!

Questions, if that is ok with you?

I see now your living at your own place?

Some of the kids are still with you?

Do the kids stay at her place?

Does she work?

I assume she has her own place now?

What does she do with her time now?

Does she want to go out with you??

Has she been dating others?

Did the OM's wife want to date?

You never did sleep with the OM's wife did you?

Hope not, because he was with his wife and you know that would have been double dipping again.

Man what screwed up stuff you had to go through, sorry.

Have you been dating?

If, so how has she handled that?

If she is dating, wouldn't that mean that she was not willing to show you no matter what it was to be you and her forever?

Wish you the best for you and your kids, and maybe your ex to be.

So I guess she will never tell you the real reason to why she broke the golden rule and cheated? was she that unhappy at home? She just had to see what it was like to be with another guy?

Well it looks like your are doing a lil bit better and the kids also, that good!!

I do think it's healthy to have coffee with her. Not everything has to be sexual. You both are getting through effectively the same thing and right now everyone needs as much support network as possible.

I agree, having coffee with OM's wife, I believe would not hurt.

It's not like we are telling you to play footsie under the table

DG

Reread through all of your thread.

It truly sucks to "totally" love the one that has so utterly betrayed and belittled you.

I just wanted you to know that I understand.

You love her. But you have to divorce her. Even though you truly do not want to because she is the only one you have ever loved.

Hope your days are getting better and your girls are coming to the realization that their Mom though not perfect will always be their Mom.

So sad to see a woman that became so selfish to lose the love of her life. Even though she deserves it.....

HM

bump

This Valentine’s Day has gotta be better than last Valentine’s Day. Metaphorically speaking, I am off life support and pretty much breathing on my own

Last year, on this date, I caught my wonderful wife (of 23 years) in a motel room with the premeditated intent of committing first degree adultery. I was out of state, at the time (visiting my sick mother) when a friend called with the news that he had just spotted my wife entering into a local motel room. I called my wife immediately to asked her what she was up to. In a very cheerful and happy voice, she proceeded to tell me that she was in town picking up a few things. I hung the phone up immediately, called my friend back and asked him to stick around the motel and see what happens. He told me that my wife shot out of the motel room like a scared rabbit right after he had called me. Meanwhile, my wife was blowing up my phone leaving frantic messages and texts, wanting to know, “why did my voice sound like that and why did I hang up on her”? That was my Valentines Day present from my wife last year.

Admittedly, I did not handle it very well, but I handled it the best I could. This was not a first time offense for her. I had busted her, months prior, sending and receiving explicit texts from another man. I think, perhaps, the reason I stayed at that time is because of “shock”. I was in shock and really could not know what to do. This was a place I did not know existed. I could not live with her, I did not believe I could live without her; I did not see a way I could live at all.

I have been congratulated by friends and family as to how I have managed to survive and eventually thrive so well. Firstly, I can take zero credit for surviving. I wanted to die but my heart refused to stop beating. I continued to breath in spite of it all. I survived because I had no choice. As much as I didn't want to, I kept waking up everyday to the same old heart hurt.

My divorce was final in January. My wife is really sorry for cheating on me and I know she is. I also know she would never do it again but the problem is, she did it once, and there is no fixing that. I also know that she never had any intention of hurting me. There was no malice aforethought because her affair was calculated for me to never know. She has done everything possible to fix herself and her mistake, but she could not fix me.

Things do get better. Slowly. There used to be a train at the end of the tunnel; now there is a light. A very beautiful light I may add. OMW is now OMXW. She kicked her husband (OM) out of the house and began divorce proceedings fairly soon after I had disclosed OM and WW’s affair. As soon as I received my final decree, OMXW asked me out on a date. A real date. We have been meeting off and on for coffee and have developed a deep friendship. She said that since it took me a year to divorce my WW, she wasn't going to wait around and see how long it took me to get around to asking her out.

This is actually going to be a Happy Valentine’s Day for me, and hopefully her. We are going out tonight and I must admit, I am very interested in seeing how this develops. Again, thanks for all the help and support. You guys were there when I needed you and I will always be grateful beyond words and will do my very best to pay it forward.

Thanks for the update, DG. I am glad you are pushing this behind you and moving forward.

I remember the horrible story about your wife using the kids against you, using the MC to gang up on you and the footsies at the restaurant. It was very hard to rad.

In the end, however, she lost a great guy in you and now I am sure has her family steamed at her.

I hope you protected yourself in the divorce settlement, I hope your kids have come around to knowing that you were the victim in this case and I am glad the OM is eating crow.

Also, IMO, you did things right. You didn't try to reconcile while destroying the other man. You ensured that there were consequences for both WW and OM. They were equally culpable and they both have significant loss now.

Good job. Glad to hear OMXW is doing well. Take your time. Both of you may be on the rebound.

Again thanks for the update. That's why I bumped your thread.

Kudos to effective action

Hi DG. Thanks for the update. Happy to read that you are doing well and moving on from the hurt.

How are your girls doing? How are their relationships with their mom?

What about your ex-wife? How is she and do you have any relationship/interactions with her?

Enjoy your VDay date and let us know how it goes.