SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I will not side with the kids against their mom, just I would not allow them to side with me against her.

You are not siding with them, it is them that are siding with you.

Part of the unintended consequences of infidelity are these "monster issues" that take a life of their own. This is one of them, and if you research a bit, you will find it will take years for them to come around with her, if it even happens at all.

Your daughter's sound like stand up gals, that do no take lightly to drama and games, that is admirable.......Take solace in knowing these type of personalities don't take any shit, and they will not tolerate it from any future husbands, boyfriends, and fiancees.

Stay healthy bro, well rested, and focused, from your previous posts you have indicated you are taking it one day at a time, if it works with you keep it up.

Igotthis

They can from theirs and based on their ages that is not far from now.

...and it will be to their loss if they do.

I think this stuff with your daughters should not be dismissed or overlooked and as more important in the long run.

Dismissing all this would be easy, I would much rather go on a cruise. I am not engaging them concerning their mom, I am here to listen and I am also here to offer whatever support they need.

convert

“I am pro R but the level of what your WW and OM said about you is to the extreme.”

I am in 100% agreement. This is what hits hard. I was going to post one specific conversation between them but I believe I deleted.

“I don't know maybe I am way off hear.”

I do not believe you are way off here. My marriage is dead, we are in the process of divorce and I will be moving on. My goal at this point is to clean up the mess as best I can.

“I usually never condone a revenge affair, but your daughters have said you should Hook-up with OM's wife, and even your wife have given you a hall pass to be with another, albeit is probably to alleviate her guilt.”

A revenge affair sounds delicious. OMW is available; daughters want it to happen and now WW encouraging me to do so. If I were going with basic instinct, it would happen, and afterward, I could come out, take a bow to the sound of the thunderous applause. But, then what would I do?

“At this point I would not see it as a Revenge affair or to get back at WW but maybe as therapeutic.”

Indeed, I do believe it would be therapeutic too. Not revenge at all. Why is it that all of the best tasting foods are usually bad for your health? I do have an interest in her but will not pursue that until I am well and not craving sweets.

[This message edited by DoneGone at 7:20 PM, August 17th (Monday)]

Igotthis

You are not siding with them, it is them that are siding with you.

I see that and it is part of my burden.

Oh no... No revenge affair w OBS. You've done so well with so much. Don't. You'd regret it.

"Oh no... No revenge affair w OBS. You've done so well with so much. Don't. You'd regret it."

This is probably very true.

But....oh the sweet justice of it!

POSOM, after all his tough guy schtick and ridicule of DG about how he would have handled things like a real man...basically calling him a pathetic cuckhold that couldn't even keep his own WW.

To have this guy:

A: Run and hide like a cockroach after being exposed.

B: Have his ass handed to him when he tries to physically confront DG.

For DG to then consummate a relationship with POSOM's BW?

It would be the ultimate and most humiliating blow to this poser shitbag possible.

Not that I recommend you do it DG.

But, my oh my, the justice of it all would be PERFECT.

CanoeVA

Oh no... No revenge affair w OBS. You've done so well with so much. Don't. You'd regret it.

No, I was being facetious and a little merry. As the Psalmist said, "A little wine loosens tongues and gladdens human hearts.”

[This message edited by DoneGone at 9:41 PM, August 17th (Monday)]

My marriage is dead, we are in the process of divorce and I will be moving on.

Yes...sometimes a divorce is the outcome when you have a cheating wife. I filed for divorce shortly after my wifes 6-8 week affair...and after her fog lifted - we went on to a pretty good R. She got IC for her pre-affair issues....did all the right things, true remorse, transparency, etc. I just never could "get my head back in it" .....mind movies were too strong.

A lot of marriages don't divorce right away... some do months/years later...

JMO

Bufffalo

I respectfully, but definitely and emphatically disagree. Children were not present to see my temper tantrums. Once they were introduced to the mix I immediately sucked it up and modeled appropriate behavior. As an involved and observant parent I do recognize the difference between being harmful and helpful to my family. I have always talked much to the girls; that has not changed; there are no secrets when it comes to our respective relationships to WW.

You are rigth, you are their father and know them very well. What I meant is that I dont like people that hurt the ones I love, your girls can see your pain and it makes harder fot them to forgive your wife. This is judt my opinion.

Any how looks like you both made a great work rising your girls to become a fine adults eith strong values.

Questions, Do you think that your WW telation to her daugters may be broken for good? Are your wife trying to fix hrr relation to them?

DG,

I have read your post, so painful.

All I can say is that you seem like a strong man, you've come far, admirably so, you will survive the rest.

Best wishes.

I am in 100% agreement. This is what hits hard. I was going to post one specific conversation between them but I believe I deleted.

What was it about ?

I think you'll be just fine. You probably talk to your ex way too much, but then again so did many of us.

You are better off having nothing to do with her, but I think you are a smart enough guy that will realize that in your own time.

Mrhealed

What I meant is that I dont like people that hurt the ones I love, your girls can see your pain and it makes harder fot them to forgive your wife

Sorry, I misunderstood. My thoughts were on a hair trigger when I responded.

Questions, Do you think that your WW reelation to her daugters may be broken for good? Are your wife trying to fix her relation to them?

If WW keeps doing what she is doing, I believe the kids will come around but I can never imagine it being what it was. There is just so much damage. They say that time heals all wounds but I think that it is what you do with time that heals wounds. Even at that, they still leave scars. WW is doing all she can to encourage healing and reduce the scars.

kimichi

What was it about ?

It was a series of emails exchanged the evening and following day after I happened upon them in the restaurant. They were snarking me pretty badly.

For me, the contents of these messages doomed any entertainment of the hope of reconciliation. If I interpret the messages correctly, it would seem she decided to take the affair physical as a result of her having the opportunity to measure me against OM and myself coming out on the short end of the stick (pun intended). I was too soft and sentimental and he was a real "grown-up" man.

WW disagrees with this interpretation vehemently and insists she was defending me, but the words speak for themselves. In the restaurant she was so sweet and kind to me, but once I left is when the fun began.

In my mind, I overlay that conversation with the emails they exchanged concerning it and I go to a dark, dark place.

DG,

Dont be sorry, dont need to.

IMO you need to decide to heal, if not for you for your daughters. Not to fix their relation with their mom but to let them kniw that your are getting better. They will be happy to see you with less pain.

I said it before, and now again, stop talking to your WW to be able to heal. You will be linked to her forever as she is the mother of your children so you need to reach a place where she can hurt you, to heal. You shouldnt hold resentment or anger (I know is impossible but you need to try) to her for yiu and for your girls.

good luck

DG,

Where is OM now?

I assume that OBS is getting D from him?

Is your WW still in contact with OM?

As hard as it may be they being in contact will help you to let her go from your mind and heart.

(She may never be gone but with time and effort you will be heading to)

Are yiu getting help from IC, family, friends, etc.?

Last question, the most important. How are you doing?

I have an incredible amount of respect for you for the way you are handling your responsibilities as a father. I've been here a long time and have read many stories and I am just amazed at how you've taken the worst blow of all and still strive to do the right thing. I also admire how you took so much trash from a few of the posters on this thread and remained civil and determined. How you spoke your truth, admitted your shortcomings, stuck by your principals and forged ahead, ever mindful of the feelings of others. You are amazing and brave and have taught me what a hero really looks like. I am happy that there are three young women in this world who have an awesome stick with which to measure every potential suitor.

I think I missed something along the way. Your still divorcing here right? I understand your trying to forgive her and move on from this horrible part of your life but she knows your marriage is over with?

Sorry If I missed something.

C

Don't engage in a revenge affair.

When the times right you'll meet someone you like and it will not be tainted by revenge or by the sneaking around of an affair.

No need to lower your standards.

DG

I get that you love your wife, but do you think she loves you? That she truly loves you?

Because much as you can't turn love off like a tap, if my H wrote/told his AP such untrue disgusting things about me (that are so horrible to write here), then my love would quickly turn to hate.

You only saw what she (they) wrote about you. Imagine what they actually said about you when they met up, which you will NEVER know.

You, her husband and father of her three daughters surely did nothing to warrant such cruelty and emasculation.

It wasn't enough to 'just have an affair ' , but she had to be nasty about you in the process.

This affair would likely have still been going on if you didn't find out from your coworker when seen at the motel.

[This message edited by sandylee at 10:38 AM, August 18th (Tuesday)]