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yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 8:36 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
So very sorry. Strength to you. What are you going to do?
"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 8:40 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
I'm so very sorry.
This is not your fault.
You are a good man. You didn't deserve this.
(((((Minnesota)))))
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 8:40 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
I'm so very sorry.
This is not your fault.
You are a good man. You didn't deserve this.
(((((Minnesota)))))
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 8:48 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
I think you've done a great job in getting the new info (Checkmate & AP2) and in asking for support.
I'm sorry your W is such a fuck-up. I hope she gets the help she needs.
Remember, you said it yourself - no matter what the outcome of your M may be, you will be OK.
(((Minnesota)))
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
d-day - 12/22/2010 Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 8:49 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
Sending you strength and virtual support from Wisconsin, minnesota. Your worst nightmare, I'm sure. So very sorry to read this. My heart hurts for you today. 
BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled
demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 8:50 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
Oh, Minnesota. My heart hurts for you. Prayers, hugs, strength. Please take care of you and your little one.
BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy
BlueIris ( member #47551) posted at 9:00 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
(((((Minnesota)))))
I wish I could say that I don't know how it feels to find out about a second AP, but I do. You'd think that after the shock of the first one, you'd maybe be less surprised about a second one, but...nope, I found that the second one was just as devastating and painful. I'm a couple days past eleven months out and I still remember that it felt like I couldn't breathe. Like I'd been KO'd with a solid 1-2 punch by my own husband and his two pals I'd never met before, and I was just done. It felt completely incapacitating. I was gutted.
I'm so sad for you; it is incredibly awful and unfair. Sending you support and wishes for strength and courage in the days ahead. And we're all behind you; keep posting.
BW | Dday 2-20-2015 + TT for several weeks
"The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off."
notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 9:07 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
MN,
I am so sorry for you. To have gone through it all only to have a second one dumped on the top. What a broken woman.
You are NOT diminished by this. She does not define your worth. A Picasso was found in someone's attic not long ago. It was worth 100+ million and stored in a battered suitcase...
Be the Picasso! Your worth is far more than some strokes on a canvas. God himself made you unique and you are treasured above all his creation.
Hang in there! Nobody said it would be easy, but they never said it would be this hard either.
My WW raged on me as she went out with the OM week after week after week. She gaslighted me an blameshifted on me and screwed him month after month as I effectively whimpered. I got through it and you can too.
She is horribly broken right now. You can't fix that. Just be good to yourself and take care of yourself. You deserve so much better.
NP5
Me: 55 BH Her: 52 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 23, 21, 18, 15 DS
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 9:23 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
NP put it quite nicely.
I am so damn mad for you and your son.
No 2x4 right now.
Breathe, eat, sleep. Be kind to you. Start moving some money around to protect you. To protect your son.
(((and strength))))
So sorry.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 9:27 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
NP5 hit it.
You are worth so, so much more. So is your son.
Strength brother.
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
Minnesota (original poster member #50615) posted at 9:36 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
I haven't used any bad words, so I don't know if this counts as venting and needing to be moved to General or not- (like my last post) - I
I was doing MY part! I was doing EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. Are you kidding me???? Are you f-ing kidding me? What the F is wrong with you? How can you, as a human being? As an- f-ing social worker do this to your family? you see broken kids all the time. And THIS is what you do to your family? Is this the example you want to set for your son???? Are you kidding me? How can you be so blind? So selfish? How do you not care? What is wrong with you?
I broke some things in my office today. I have an individual appt. with the MC tomorrow morning. I just need to make it 16.5 hours until then. If he can make me understand the implications, - but how do you make sense of this? You don't. There is no sense to be made.
Me: BS Upper 40's
Her: XWW younger 30's
Married Sept. 2010
DDay Thanksgiving 2015
Dday2- Jan28ish, 2016 -new affair
One child (Big Mister) born in 2012
Divorced Sept. 2, 2016
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 9:46 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
StillTrying11 ( member #43814) posted at 9:54 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
Minnesota,
I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Take care of yourself. You don't need to understand why she does this or how she could do this. You just need to know that she's cheating and that you deserve better. Don't worry about anything or anyone except yourself and your kid.
As to the test results.... 
37 years old
6 kids
Married: 2000
Ddays: 2/10/12, 4/10/12, 6/10/12
Done Day: June 6th, 2016
Ducks finally in a row for D: 9/6/19
HenryIIX ( member #46173) posted at 10:10 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
(((Minnesota)))
this deserves a second hug
(((Minnesota)))
My heart just dropped into my stomach for you. I am so very sorry she has done this to you. We are here for you, always remember that, we are here for YOU.
Spend the next 15 hours on here venting away if that will help you make it through until your appointment tomorrow.
BS - Me (50)
Divorced 6/1/22
DS1 - 20, DS2 - 17
DDay #1- 12/26/14
DDay #2 - 2/6/21
~ Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.
superchump ( member #47258) posted at 10:16 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
Oh Minnesota. This sucks. This sucks sucks sucks.
The worst part is the lying. I GET IT. The lengths of the depravity are amazing.. the lying in MC.. WHY? I mean, if she wants to screw other men, the best thing she could do for you is be HONEST and let you GO. As HARD as that would be.. at least it would be a resolution.
But no, she's a coward, she's putting it on you. She's letting you support her, she's going to be passive on this and let YOU have to make the call. So selfish.
To me that's the worst part.
I hope that's not 2x4 ish. Take care of yourself. Only you know what's best and you need to TRUST yourself. Trust YOU.. Take care of YOU and YOUR SON. You don't have to decide now, but make sure you are keeping evidence and proof, in case.
Big Big HUGS. I've been following your story.. you do NOT deserve this. We are here if you need to talk.
Me: BS 40's
Him: WS 40's
2 sons
Dday: January 2015- ILYBNILWY speech
EA discovered February 2015
Divorce filed April 2015
Wants another chance.. proceeding cautiously
trophywife411 ( member #47784) posted at 10:17 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
So sorry MN, this sucks big time. You are worth more than this. Be strong for you and for your child. Sending strong thoughts your way.
Me-BW 40
fWH 45
together 18 years, married 16
Dday March 2015, Final TT 6/17/15
Reconciling
still2suspicious ( member #31722) posted at 10:20 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
I am so sorry, MN.
No words. Just hugs (((MN)))
Me: BS Him: WH DDay: more than 1
LTEA: at least a couple
Every storm runs out of rain - Gary Allen
D final 2/23
devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 10:39 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
Dude, I am _so_ sorry. I don't come into R much, but I saw your title.
You know, _know_, that it isn't you. No matter what her state of emotions and mind there is an honorable way to handle splitting with someone in the least hurtful way possible and she didn't have the gumption to do it the right way.
Man, that is _completely_ on her. She has a lot of problems that don't need to be yours.
Strength until the next IC appt.
Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.
chifrudo ( member #48319) posted at 10:49 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
Certainly no 2x4's from me. You have my deepest sympathy for this unfair, shitty situation you are in.
But beyond sending you sympathy I want to send you strength. Strength to take the actions you know you need to. Actions that will free you.
Do you have a plan?
Me: BH 40's
Her: WW 40's (meuamor8301)
DDay: 4/21/15 (discovered 3.5 mo. EA/PA)
TT until full disclosure: 7/5/2015 (added kissing in bar with 2 randos.)
2 daughters, 11 and 8
Reconciled.
AnimalDoc ( member #50926) posted at 10:56 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016
In my opinion it's time to move on before you're psyche is irreparably damaged
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