SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've been struggling (obviously from my posts) about thinking of my soon to be ex-wife and the single man she cheated on me with being happy and going along with life while I'm alone (i know, i know, i need to worry about myself and not her). I could really use some posts of people who were left by their spouse for their AP, but then finding out that their relationship crashed and burned. Or point me in the direction of a past post like this maybe?

I know that I might not get the closure I want by hearing about them not working out, but it would be nice to read stories about people who were able to have that satisfaction.

According to Linda J. MacDonald (How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair) Quote from Pg 15

"Keep in mind that 90% of affairs fail before nuptials, and 75 % of marriages begun as affairs fail, partly cut to their guilt-filled, untrusting foundations. Statistically, this means relationships that begin as affairs only have a 3% chance of becoming long-term marriages."

XWH screwed at least a dozen OW during our marriage. And those are the ones that I know about. While we were together, not a single one lasted more than a month after I found out. With the last one, I booted him out. They lasted a bit longer (7 more months), but then she was a more pathetic specimen and basically would have licked shit off his shoes and asked for more if she thought it would keep him around.

I have no idea what happened with my ex and her new dad, but he was 15 years older than us. Even if they do stay together forever, he'll still die way before her having been cheated on several times a year. I kind of do hope they spend the rest of his life together. I wouldn't wish her on anyone else.

exWW and her affair partner started sometime in Nov or Dec of 2014. She asked for a separation in Jan 2015. I didn't find out about OM (but I had my suspicions) until May 31/June 1. I blew it up publicly on FB (OM is a fairly well known musician in his area, and had a lot of mutual FB friends). I intercepted an e-mail from exWW to OM on June 1, her declaring her love, and other unicorn fartland bullshit, and I replied back, saying that if they want to be together, then he should convince her to give me full custody of DS so they can be happy together, since they are soul mates and shit.

Divorce was finalized third week of July. Her current BF was already spending the night at her house August 4th... I don't know any details, but she sure must be happy with the way things worked out!

Ex married ow, and he's still married to her, but I don't know that it means it's working out for him. I've heard that wifetress is rather insecure and has him on a short leash.

Gee, I wonder why...

Frankly, as amusing as it would be to watch them crash and burn, I'd much rather they stay together and inflict themselves on each other than cause problems and pain for any more innocent people.

My idiot ex is still with the slunt. However, I wouldn't necessarily classify the relationship as "working out".

I don't even know where to start. I'll try to give you an abridged version and hopefully something will make you feel better.

Here goes - my ex is an attorney and so am I. We had a nice life with two small kids and a new house. We worked hard and I thought we were on solid ground.

He had an A with his lazy, uneducated, divorced, barfly of a secretary who enticed him with leaving his family so he could go back to a party lifestyle like in his college days. What he didn't realize was that she really just wanted him to take care of her and make it so she never has to work again. Yeah, that didn't work out so well.

Because she was his secretary, he tanked his reputation at his office and in the local legal community. He had no shot at getting promoted so he left a stable job that provided retirement benefits and health insurance to essentially work for himself. She quit her job and doesn't work. He apparently forgot about how much he could count on my salary and is struggling with money in a huge way now. In addition to child support, he has major student loans and serious credit card debt. The gravy train has petered out and they pretty much have nothing but an overpriced box that they use as a house. Instead of getting a Cracker Jack hot shot attorney, she scored an alcoholic bum.

My kids can't stand her and have vocalized this to their father. They also don't like her kids. They love their dad, but he knows how disappointed they are in him and the lack of respect they have for his choices. At the same time, her kids don't like him much. From what I'm told, he gets kicked out of his own bed quite a bit so the other kids can sleep with their mother.

Not only does he have to be the primary breadwinner, but he apparently is also worked like a dog at home. According to my kids, the slunt is lazy. She doesn't cook, doesn't clean, sends him to the grocery store regularly and even makes him bring her and her kids breakfast from a coffee place that is within walking distance while they lie in bed. He even took one of her kids to school in the mornings so that the slunt could sleep longer and take her time getting ready.

Best of all, he looks completely different than when he left. He used to look polished and like he cleaned up well. He was thin with a goatee and a full head of hair that was cut well and styled. Now? I saw him last week and almost fell on the floor. He's at least 75 pounds heavier. He's bloated from drinking case after case of beer every chance he gets. His hair is long and greasy and unkempt. He has a full beard and the best I can say about it is that it's scraggly. His skin looks blotchy and terrible. His clothes are sloppy and don't fit.

So, while I don't live in his house, I have to believe that this is simply a relationship of convenience. She brings nothing to the table except being a warm body. He at least provides shelter and food for her and her kids.

I remember wanting them to crash so badly in the beginning. These days though, I almost hope they stay together to wallow in their own filth and misery until one of them cheats or dies.

ETA cuz I forgot to tell you that she made him buy her a designer dog that she could carry around town like a baby. He paid several hundred dollars for it 2 years ago. It still isn't trained, it still nips at the kids, and craps in the house. Best of all, it has an anal gland problem that my DD says makes it and anything it sits on smell like a barrel of fish!!!!

[This message edited by suckstobeme at 7:31 PM, February 9th (Tuesday)]

Suckstobeme - dang, I would say you got the better end of that deal! I don't blame you for wanting them to stay together. I hope that your life is quite the opposite of his and that you are taking care of yourself.

This isn't the story of my WH, but of one of his friends' little sisters. Let's start from the beginning though.

This guy is a professor, married, 2 kids. Hires one of his students to babysit. Starts fucking the babysitter. Wife finds out, that's over, so he marries the babysitter.

Wifetress and professor have 2 kids. He hires one of his students to babysit. Sound familiar yet? He starts fucking her! Wifetress#1 finds out, that's over. Now professor has... Wifetrsss#2! This one is WH's friends' sister. The kids he had with his Wife are 2 years younger than Wifetress#2. Professor is 2 years younger than wifetress#2's dad. Wifetress#2 is wise to professors ways, so she's a SAHM and doesn't hire any babysitters. I can't imagine she feels very good about the mentees the professor has at the college news paper though...

The guy is not much on the eyes, and a super douch (shocking, right?). She's similarly issue laden, which is odd because I know the family pretty well and the rest of them are lovely, well adjusted people.

Needless to say the Wife (the only one that wasn't an AP) totally dodged a bullet with that guy.

Oh- he recently got hit by a car. In a parking lot.

[This message edited by TheIrishGirl at 7:19 PM, February 9th (Tuesday)]

My ww made it about 4 months with her ap before it bombed....well. she made it about 3 months. Left briefly, then went back saying they knew what they did wrong the first time and it would all be good now. That lasted maybe a month.

Although it does happen, it seems rare for it to work out long...

I would also say that I don't get any particular satisfaction one way or the other from if it does or doesn't work out. I just don't spend my emotional energy on it one way or the other.

I'm still with H... but....

When we were engaged he dumped me... turned out he had an EA turned PA during a deployment... only became PA after he got back. Then I was dumped... they lasted about 3 weeks before he came back. I did not know about his cheating until years later when we were married and had kids. So prime example of how they don't work out.

When married he surprised me one day with letting me know he was leaving... I suspected another woman (one with 4 kids by 4 different guys), but could not confirm.... had a name and everything. Pretty sure another EA/ PA- but no great evidence.... other than his getting 'fired' from work for 'sexual harassment' of that same woman.... anyway... that separation lasted about two weeks and we got back together... again though my only evidence (sort of) was AFTER we were back together... They didn't last, and of course, after he was let go he was bitter about her and didn't ever want to talk about her again. She moved away thankfully and I never had to see her or hear her name.

The last OW was for sure an EA.... that lasted about 2 months before I caught on. In the early fog he was 'friends' with her and not going to give her up to spite me. However, once I put my foot down... her or me.... and enough time has passed he admits to this day he didn't really want her.... she was like a foot taller than him, had multiple baby daddies, several divorces under her belt, and a hot mess. I think he liked the fantasy better than the reality of her. He didn't want to raise her little kids.... plus the drama of a teenager... and her ex's... etc. Thankfully, she moved away too.... hope she stays under her very large rock.

So essentially FWS didn't have any of his 'relationships' with OW (or highly suspected OW) work out. I have been the only loyal and consistent person in his life. I raised his children and keep his home. I am the only one who was a true partner and not just a temporary fantasy when we were going through a dry spell in our marriage. I seriously doubt if any A would actually ever work out for him.

So the chances of it working out??? Pretty rare. Within my family NO marriage has worked out that began with cheating.... some lasted a few years due to the stubbornness of not wanting to get multiple divorces and pride or not wanting the family to know a mistake was made in marrying their AP, but none have lasted permanently until 'death do you part' like the vows they said.

I certainly hope this gives people hope when they see the WS with their AP! Even if you don't truly want the cheater back.

Only a few make it. My x did. She is still married to him over 30 years now.

She did try to hook up with me about 6 years ago. I assume they have both cheated on each other.

I got lucky that she found the only guy on the planet dumber than I was.

Apparently, my WH and his COW resumed their relationship while he and I were in a "constructive separation". And then he changed jobs.

We were divorced one month ago. I know they are not together now, but he would never admit that because he's so passive-aggressive.

In a way, I would LOVE to know what happened to these two soul mates; but they are taking up less head space every day.

I do enjoy the fact that we all live in a very small town and her reputation is somewhat "tarnished".

He is still with her - 5 years of an affair plus 5 since d-day (when I suggested that he get the hell out of the house).

They are not married. He has a bunch of startling new health problems and she being 15 years younger has become somewhat of a caretaker. He has told his siblings that she is not the love of his life and does not think they'll stay together. He still flirts (on the few occasions we have contact) with me and tells our kids how much he misses our old life.

Geeeeez - he remains ridiculous.

I won't lie and say these occasional updates aren't interesting but really, at this point, its just kind of entertaining.

I have never regretted divorcing him and wouldn't trade my new happy life for his stale and lackluster relationship.

I spent 25 years devoted to the man and felt it was my honor to care for him. It seems fitting that his girlfriend will now be the one to tote him to dialysis!

I've seen this type of post in the divorced forum often. Mostly the couples break-up within a year. There is a post that pops up in the "just found out" forum called "Honey they always Affair down." that you should read. Right now you are probably thinking... he's a general surgeon how is she A down? Well this guy felt fine with having sex with a married woman. Who know's how many A he has had? Your wife complained that you didn't give her enough attention? I doubt a surgeon is going give her more. And your wife? I'm sorry but having an affair after 2 years of marriage? Hooking up with some guy at his Apartment whenever he wants a booty call? The way she just moved on from a 6 year relationship, 2 year marriage with no thought or word to you. There is something psychologically wrong with that. I'm sorry but it sounds like she is that type that is destine to cheat again and again...and it's lucky you found out when you did.

Putting these two together might work for a little while but I highly doubt they will marry or stay exclusive for more than a year.

Now, why did you ask this question? Was it to feel better about them vs you? Or was it because you are hoping things will end and she will come back to you?

If it's the ladder you got to move forward without her. As sad as your story is, the ones with the BS being cheated on again and again by the WW are far worse. To cheat on you during the "honeymoon" period of your marriage says a lot about her and her ability to stay faithful.

Good luck

Freeme - I guess it was a way to make me feel better that their relationship will most likely not last. I know that I am much better off without her. Our divorce is going pretty quick since we had only been married 2 years and hopefully should be final in a month or so and I can move on with my life.

The first ow that he left me for lasted about 6 weeks.

The second ow that he left me for, it lasted about 2 hours. Her boyfriend found out the same night I did.

Now he has a new girlfriend, for almost a year now. He is still the same. He is trolling dating websites and trying to reel me in to fill the vacant ow position.

I know it is hard but be grateful for the pain that you are not going to live through with her. There will be more, just not for you.

My ex-cheater didn't leave me - I left his sorry ass.

He and his OW became a 'couple' and I think she even moved in; however, they only lasted for about a year o a little more.

Apparently, he cheated on her and their 'great luvvvvv' was no more.

If you're stupid enough to think the cheater you're sneaking around with is suddenly going to have character and integrity if you win your 'prize,' then you're an idiot.

I *so* wish I could say I found out WH and OW didn't work out, but I can't. Not yet anyway.

Months ago he said to me "I think you think I'm crazy in love with her, but I'm not."

A couple months ago he told me I was "smart" for not looking to get into a serious relationship.

And as recently as a month ago he told me he would probably end up single because he "always seems to make everyone miserable".

He says he's broke (I don't understand how--we were very comfortable financially) and he's drinking more than ever (and he drank too much BEFORE he left me.)

Last week his sister told me she doesn't see his relationship with OW lasting.

8 months of living together and it's all peaches and cream, supposedly.

I am not healed enough to be neutral about them....really want them to crash and burn so bad! I will be following this thread with great interest

[This message edited by DeeplyCrushed at 8:41 AM, February 10th (Wednesday)]

ThatGuy728 – In the case of my ex-wife (Victoria), she and my best friend (Steve) carried on a three year affair which I had no idea was happening. It was only when Barb (Steve’s wife) had him followed by a PI that she showed me pictures of the two together. The son Victoria gave birth to was Steve’s. My ex-wife was so in love with Steve that she took a $5,000 payment to settle the divorce as quickly as possible. Upon our divorce my ex-wife and best friend moved in together. I found out a little later that within a week of living together Victoria found Steve doing the wife of another one of our friends. Victoria left Steve and was extremely sad for having ruined our marriage. The sad part about all of this is that Steve Junior will grow up without his father in his life and Barb committed suicide New Year’s Day 2016. No one every wins when something like this happens. The total cost is far more than they had planned to pay.