SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So you'd better get a bloody move on hadn't you.

For warned is for armed.

Well now you know what she is planning to do. I wouldn't wait till Tuesday night, I would see an attorney Monday and file. Get ahead of her.

Absolutely. Don't drag your feet, or you'll regret it.

Don't wait until your AA meeting on Tuesday to talk to an attorney. Get on the phone bright and early Monday morning and call around to see about filing ASAP. Ask for the exact same things she did in her filing!

Are you in a "at fault" state ?

And just to be sure, send a text to her that she can contact you regarding the kids through email/text

[This message edited by kimichi at 10:23 AM, March 26th (Saturday)]

you are in shock still. You still can't reconcile the woman whom you loved, the plans you made, the mixed messages she sent you with the cold-hearted woman that you are now dealing with. I can tell you from experience I understand your shock. It is impossible to explain what it is like to love someone, think they love you but see in their every action just how little you mean to them.

You are in shock. You have to go through the motions. Denying it is not going to stop this train.

As for the fantasy role playing, seriously? You are two married adults who shared fantasty. Grow up. It's not the reason to cheat; in fact, I am not even sure why this should be an issue on why someone made the choice to cheat. You need to move on from this and not accept responsibility for her selfish disregard for YOU. At the end of the day, it's not even about your children. The one she is giving a big fuck you to is you.

You want to get over her quickly? Picture the SEXUAL act of her and the OM, going at it. That's who she is now and that's what she thinks of you. I would be shocked, and a bit grossed out, if you now want to go "there".

You saw the papers; she means business. You know the best way to recover yourself? Give her what she wants. Let her have the aging rapper. Honey, don't know it yet, but she isn't the only flower he's pollinating. She deserves exactly what she is going to get.

I would seriously get tested for std's and touch anything of hers with disposable gloves.

Her crazy ass midlife meltdown is going to bite her in her old, saggy ass. An old woman at a club is a sad sight.

Laugh at her stupidity and get on with your life.

Actually, YOU GO FILE FOR DIVORCE. DON'T JUST PRINT THE PAPER. The problem here is your brain is in a fog. She is not the woman you once loved or loved you. This woman is out to get you.

You have a choice: sink or swim. By the way, no woman can stand a spineless man who lets her walk all over him. I can guarantee you there is nothing special that she has that no other woman has. In fact, she's nothing but a cheating, lying, unfaithful bully.

She wants a new life with the middle aged rapper? Give it to her...Better yet, buy her a new set of gold chains and wish her well..

Well, I'm left with no choice now. I have to file for divorce and go after as much as I can get. I never wanted this (divorce), I still don't.

And yes, based on this guys history and track record, it's only a matter of time before she crashes and burns, probably after the divorce.

It just sucks that an entire family has to be ripped apart, and in the end, she's gonna realize it was a huge mistake.

I understand. I get it. That's the really sad part of all it. It's the utter devastation and fallout. In the end, what would have been accomplished? You can't nice her back. You can't reason with her. You simply have to say the serenity prayer and sadly, live through the anguish HER choices and actions have inflicted upon you. I am sorry, my friend; there is no good part of this.

Just protect yourself and surround yourself with people who love and support you.

I understand. The only things that are helping me get through this are my meetings, working the program, acceptence, and alot of praying.

I don't pray for my marriage to work, I pray for her to find her way, so she stops hurting herself.

Sent you a PM, JM:-)

There was something you posted earlier about you being forced to hate her.. no one is forcing you to hate her, just to accept she's the person she now is an make your own adjustments accordingly.

This is the 180. To detach, to stop viewing this new person as someone you need to save or will somehow someway see the light. She's already detached, already got the paperwork and is already spouting some BS you know is clearly false.

Does she hate you? No probably not. Will she run you over in order to get what she wants, absolutely yes.

She's not the enemy. That brings anger and rage. You need to deal with this coolly, heck even coldly. Be methodical with your planning and how you go about extricating yourself from this situation and coming out on top.

In the end she'll destroy herself, by then you will probably just feel sorry for her, for what she's wasted.

The last half hour has been as strange as it gets for me.

I ran into that lady who used to feed the kittens with me behind my work while stopping before work to get a coffee. I got to work and she texted me to see how I was doing. I've had zero contact with her once I came clean to my wife about the flirting.

I sat that and pondered if I should text her back. Despite what my wife is doing, morally, it still doesn't feel "right". I don't want to act out and be vindictive.

10 minutes later, after no communication for 3 weeks, my wife sends me a text from Mexico. She took our daughters for a "birthday getaway", they all celebrate within a few weeks of each other -

"I spoke to guest services in Spanish today. They're gonna surprise (my daughter) at dinner tonight. So far they're getting along"

The reason she mentioned speaking in Spanish is, I always teased her when we were in Punta Cana & Costa Rica because I didn't speak Spanish, but she had 4 years.

It's just odd to relieve a text out of the blue regarding our history together from the past.

10 minutes after the other lady checked up on me. I think God is playing with me. I didn't respond to either.

10 minutes after the other lady checked up on me. I think God is playing with me. I didn't respond to either

No, GOD is not playing with you!!! YOU are playing with you. Cut the crap, file for divorce and move on with your life.

[This message edited by longforgotten at 7:27 PM, March 26th (Saturday)]

It took a while being in the depths of betrayal for my ego to get there but eventually I had to look at steps 6 & 7 with a deeper level of honesty.

That more than anything helped me find what previously seemed like an impossible feeling of acceptance.

My ex hounded me daily to be with another man. The final message in my mind was how could he love me and want that. Knowing my personality how could he ever think I would be ok with that. Once the message was clear to me it took 3 years before I left. Do you know what he did? Called a friend that night and asked her on a date. He didn't love me, I was a possession. I don't think you can stand the thought of being alone and contacted the cat lady. Sorry dude but I don't buy it.

Do I think you wife is gone. Yes, it takes a woman a long time to leave. If she got far enough away to sleep with and tell you then she was already gone. This is not a normal affair. Normal affairs are hidden. You told her to and she did and now you don't like the price.

You need help. Don't worry about her future. Worry about yours. I will probably get jumped on for this post but oh well. Dude if you are going to own it, own everything.

I won't post again because it probably is not helpful but it might be someday if you find somebody else to love.

I never responded to the cat lady. First off, I'm still in love with my wife. I don't want another woman right now, or I would have texted her back.

Secondly, I've taken half the blame for this affair already, so I'm not sure what part of this I "haven't owned up to" so far.

And if we're gonna be COMPLETELY honest here, I told her it was my fantasy, and left it at that. I didn't pressure her in any way, didn't bring it up, left it alone.

We talked about it behind closed doors, in our bedroom, and she admitted the idea turned her on too. Everything went south when she started keeping secrets, and a "sex game" I wanted to play WITH my wife turned into an affair instead.

Do I regret it? 100%.

Do I, and did I respect my wife? 100%. That's why I didn't badger her with it. I left it up to her to decide.

Do I own my mistakes in the whole thing? 100%.

It seems to me, you are begging to take responsibility for her cheating behavior. You say it was your fantasy. Then as far as I am concerned, you got your wish. So let your wife go and move on with your life.

[This message edited by longforgotten at 10:27 PM, March 26th (Saturday)]

Yes, I got my wish.

No, it was NOT your wish. A fantasy, spoken in trust. Pillow talk. Give yourself a break. You expressed yourself, in a loving, trusting environment. You didn't give a "hall pass". There were BOUNDARIES.(to me that means saying or demonstrating that you are NOT OK with something). She didn't see it that way, she twisted your "pillow talk" and took license where there really was none. Give yourself a break. This is all on her. Your intimate conversations are NO EXCUSE for someone to pick up and run with as if they are some new reality. "too late" ... my ass! She knew what she was doing and she THOUGHT this would be the excuse she needed, as if you would allow it. No sir. You didn't. It breaks my heart to see you blaming yourself. Now? The obvious is clear. Protect yourself, because she thinks she has it all in the bag. I might add? When the whip comes down, she is going to be in for a very rude awakening. BUT ~ you HAFTA protect yourself. The heartache will subside some day, but that day will come a lot sooner if you cover your ass first.

My husband had the exact same fantasy..he and I had the exact same conversation you and your ww had. And, he was serious, he wanted to make it a reality. I think we might have used th idea as foreplay a time or two.

I didn't go out and fuck anyone else.

Because, while it may have been his fantasy, and a fun idea, that's all it was to me. I had zero interest in involving another person in our sex life.

Your ww could have been into it, and followed through with the fantasy. And, had she done that,while involving you in the entire process from start to finish...as that was the fantasy...that would have been one thing.

She jumped into things with this co-worker rather quickly...because she was already involved with him when you shared that fantasy. She is using this as her excuse for the affair, and to blame you at the same time. And its complete bullshit.