SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh that was awesome. Make sure she gets that 10 spot soon

I did discuss with the attorney about all of this today. I closed the account, notified her, and I paid the 545 of overdraft fees.

The lawyer advised her attorney and advised me to leave her $10 to open an account.

How did she that news?

Curiousity, do you have to pay spousal support with a legal separation?

Hopeful -

The answer is "it depends."

Depends on each other's finances, income, who is supporting the kids, what the law is in your state, etc.

But generally, if you are not the breadwinner and are staying home with kids, you can generally expect the other spouse to be paying some kind of support. And vice versa for the breadwinner - expect to be paying something.

Yesterday, stbxw calls and I let it go to voicemail. No message but she had the kids so I text her. What is up? Which leads to this.

I just wanted u to know....... I am sorry.

No underlying meaning.... Not trying to get back..... No intentions......

I just wanted you to know....... I'm sorry.

Wth, where does this come from after 3 Months. I go to puck up the kids and she comes out... mouths to me, I'm sorry and starts crying. I left.

The sorry texts continue most of the day. With the exceptionof an hour where she blames me, then back to the I'm sorry. Why didn't we try, do you love me, are you happy, is this what you really want, etc.

As I said, 3 Months in and I have committedto the fact that she is not remorsefu. I have moved on we have a hearing in a month. She counter filed for divorce, she filed an emergency motion last week to accuse me of a bunch of bogus bs. Where does this come from. Why now?

I don't get it. HELP.

Hate to be cynical but seems suspicious that the sorries start when the $$ dries up.

If she is really remorseful, it won't be a one day thing.

From what most WS's report, it takes at least a year to feel any real remorse.

Three months? She is just getting a look at her new life and doesn't like it. Wants you to fix it.

Hey M,

I do think this is remorse, actually. I have often thought that there are WS who become remorseful but that gets overwhelmed by things like bad advice from family members, pride, necessary legal maneuvers, etc. So it may not be world-class, marriage-saving remorse but I think there is a seed of genuine remorse in there.

Since you have taken the path of strength you are in a good position to engage with her if you choose. I would suggest you open up communications with her. At the least you may be able to build a better parenting environment.

You have done a great job of making tough decisions throughout this process and I am really confident that you will do so again. That may mean you decide to talk to her, or you may decide to ignore this as a passing spasm of guilt and regret from someone you once cared for deeply. Either way, I trust your judgment!

Best wishes.

Why didn't we try,

as I recall you did try. she wouldn't give all the truth to the affair.

[This message edited by convert at 5:58 PM, July 18th (Monday)]

Why didn't we try, as I recall you did try.

she would give all the truth to the affair.

And she has been in continual contact with the OM via LinkedIn.

Ex-Mrs. Squirrelface told me she was sorry a handful of times. Apologized for being such a lousy wife. Didn't change the fact she wouldn't admit to any wrongdoing until it didn't matter to me anymore.

Remorse? Necessary for reconciliation, but meaningless when not backed up by positive actions.

[This message edited by SquirrelFace at 12:03 PM, July 18th (Monday)]

I think time is on your side. You don't have to do anything. She is the one that is loosing out. I would wait and give it a few days to see if she is still saying the same things. I would keep my responses towards the 180 style of thinking.

C

I realize from your wife this is big but... in reality it's crumbs. You don't really know what she is sorry for. Sorry that she is broke, that she is living at her mothers, that she only sees the kids 10% of the time? Sorry that she still won't do the three things that you asked her to do? (net, NC, truth...) Sorry that her life has turned out the way it has?

It could mean that she had a fight with OM, or finally realized he wasn't leaving his wife. Or had a fight with her Mom and realized she had no where else to live...Or started dreading going back to work and realized how broke she was. It could have nothing to do with you and her...

She might be testing the waters to see if you might stop the D process. I'd try not to focus too much on it and see what she does next. A few weeks ago your son caught her texting on linked, last week you stopped helping support her....and this week she is sorry?

I think she is sorry for the situation she is now in, not for what she has done to you and her family.

[This message edited by Freeme at 1:36 PM, July 18th (Monday)]

The sorry texts continue most of the day. With the exceptionof an hour where she blames me, then back to the I'm sorry. Why didn't we try, do you love me, are you happy, is this what you really want, etc.

If she was really remorseful there wouldn't have been that hour of texts where she blamed you. There wouldn't have been the why didn't WE try texts. You tried. She refused to give you what you needed.

She may be regretting her current circumstances but she isn't showing you real remorse. I know this is hard but you are doing great. Hang in there.

Posting in two forums on this!!

Man, STBFormer Mrs. Mblink just gets my goat every-time, such a train-wreck! I would recommend psych help for her.

This is not an apology, it is goading,

Why didn't we try, do you love me, are you happy, is this what you really want, etc.

I have nothing much more to add - I just wind up ranting and I then delete it all!

So keep cool this summer Mblink!!

[This message edited by ChangingChump at 2:16 PM, July 18th (Monday)]

Several weeks before I learned of xh's affair, we were on a trip where we met up with and spent several days with our daughter and her SO. The evening prior to their leaving for home, we met them for dinner. Had a lovely, lovely time overall during our days with them and at dinner that evening. Lots of fun. Afterwards, we walked back to their hotel, sat around and talked while now-xh leaned against the building, began crying and sobbing: "I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry." Me: "Sorry for what?" Him: "I'm just so sorry...." Boo Hoo Boo Hoo. This lasted for 30 min or longer. XH could have owned up to why he was sorry but, of course, he didn't. He never confessed until I investigated & learned of his affair. So, what was it all about ? My guess is the drama. Lots and lots of drama. Attention for him. Well, boo hoo some more. I had NO idea how much drama existed in our M until we separated and were D'd. Soooo glad not to have to deal with it any longer. If she couldn't be honest back then, mblink, and she's not been honest about anything since then, I wouldn't give too much credence to her sorries. They don't really mean a great deal in the overall scheme. Just more drama and attention for her. She wants you to bow down, let her back in the fold on HER terms. My opinion: if you do that, you'll find yourself right back at the beginning where all this mess started, right back in the hole she fell into. Don't fall for it. She's simply realizing her life is changing and isn't liking the direction it's going.

It's SO hard to let go of what you thought you had. You have your kids to consider, that they'll no longer have both parents under one roof. You'll second guess yourself as to whether you're 'doing right by them.' Well, you are. Stay the course; in saving yourself you'll be saving the kids, as well. They deserve a stable parent and a stable home.... both of which you provide. There is life after this storm and, per my experience, it's pretty darned good. (((( ))))

Thanks folks for shining the light on this for me. It was a strange situation yesterday. Her texts stopped just after midnight. The last two were YouTube links for songs.

One text today, she came to the house to get the kids and found that I had bought Raisin Bran cereal. She texted me thanks for thinking of me when you bought that cereal. I don't know wth that meant.

Luckily, my son shot me a text on my at home for lunch with the kids that she was there. So I didn't go to the house. She is still there because the kids are texting me. Hopefully, she leaves before I get home. I will ask the attorney what I can do about that on Friday wen I get to spend money defending myself against the baseless allegations she brought last week.

I did post this on the JFO forum as well.

Staying the course, closer to the finish than the start so there will be no turning back.

what?

I can do about that on Friday when I get to spend money defending myself against the baseless allegations she brought last week.

You never told us about this. What is the gist of it? Kids, money, you cheating, DV...??

This is not I'm sorry I want to fix things. This is grasping at straws.

Please be careful. She might just want to lure you in so she has more of a case against you in court on Friday.

I was going to tell you to reply to her text asking her simply what are you sorry for? Or Why are you sorry now? You've gotten so little from her as far as closure maybe you could get something from her responses. After reading your last post I don't think you should reply to her, I think you should avoid her and make sure you are not in the same room with her at least until after your court on Friday.

she filed an emergency motion last week to accuse me of a bunch of bogus bs. Where does this come from. Why now?

The great part about moving on is that you don't need to know why. Why doesn't help you heal. You just know by her actions that she will resort to any means to get what she wants.

The tears, the texts, the "I'm sorry" are all about the consequences she's feeling. It's about being sorry any of this is affecting her.

What's the latest with your wife? Is she still sorry, or has she went back to her normal self?

The apology tour started and ended Sunday. Monday she spent the afternoon at the house she left a few minutes after I arrived home. No contact then or yesterday. She did take the kids last night for the night.

The motion she filed claims I have been manipulating time with the kids, have failed to provide for their basic needs, have been providing them with lavish gifts, taking them on out of town trips, not providing her money to function, I have left the house and her car payments to lapse into foreclosure territory. None of this is true. But I now have to go in and answer the allegations. I have heard from people around town that her attorney is known for this and files a bunch of motions to wear you down and eventually get you to stop fighting and just settle.