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What did OM say to your daughter in the hallway at school? Oh, this has me steaming. The audacity!

He stopped her in the hall and asked how she was and how school was going. DD was upset and has avoided him since that point. She was asked by another teacher to run an errand that involved him, she asked if another student could do it instead. I mentioned this to the OBS and of course it was back to my STBXW by the end of the day. STBXW asked her if it really made her uncomfortable and why she would tell me that he spoke to her. Which, as you can imagine, made my DD even more uncomfortable. Since that exchange, the STBXW has asked DD is she saw OM in school. Which makes STBXW look even more like an idiot.

Wow... it sounds like OBS could see them having sex and she would still choose to yell but look the other way. It also sounds like your involvement in telling her is causing problems for the kids. You are going to need to step away. Id tell the kids that you will not be contacting OBS anymore. You want them to have someone to talk to when they see their Mom doing something they don't like... without fear of repercussions.... and it doesn't seem to do any good with OBS anyway.

What gets me is that your WW seems fine with being the OW, the side action of a married man. Seems fine with sneaking around, lying to her kids, cheating... Knowing OM isn't going to divorce his wife even though she's single...because of her affair with him. When you wrote about your WW it sounded like she had an inflated image of herself. (I'm the best thing that ever happened to you.) Strange that she has thrown it all away to become plan B for this guy.

[This message edited by Freeme at 6:58 AM, September 20th (Tuesday)]

Thanks for the updates, I was just wondering how things are going, where you went, and here you are, in divorce/separation.

You are doing an amazing job with the kids, good for you. I love how you are so calm (at least on the outward appearance) and allow your stbxw dig her own grave.

I wonder if you would be able to bring up the texts your dd found in your next meeting, November. That certainly is a huge effort on her part, not only casting blame on you, causing the kids to "doubt you" which we know wouldn't happen, but, also making it appear her lawyer was in on it too, how would the lawyer feel?

You've raised some pretty strong kids to be able to sit under the roof of their mother and grandparents, and listen to who knows what they are spewing.

Effing around on a spouse is bad enough, divorce is ugly as well. Throw that into the mix that include inlaws..... it's hell.

Keep up the good work, and keep us posted! You are one of the inspiring ones here.

Freeme is right. Time to cut the OBS out of the loop, she's not of any help. When your D is final, inform the school about OM and XWW screwing in the school gym and hopefully he'll get fired, so your kids won't have to worry about running into him at school. That he has the audacity to even approach your daughter makes me furious for you.

Yup, no more contact with OBS. She is in serious denial and you can't help her anymore.

Focus on the kids and that they have a safe place. You are doing great.

The kids had their first counseling session on Monday. What a change in emotions in a couple of hours.

The kids both stated that they did not want to go, didn't need to talk about these things. We went, got there early, sat together, which was telling.... The kids sat off in a corner two seats together, I sat beside them on the other wall. We are there filing out paperwork and she showed up. Since thre was no room near us she sat on the other side of the room. Started speaking to the kids, all of their answers were short and to the point. Not disrespectful but neither child would engage her.

They get called in and I stepped outside to get away and call a friend. The friend convinced me to go back in just in case I was needed. ........... After an hour, my son comes out, looks at me and says. " You ready dad?" My daughter comes out clearly upset red eyes, she had bee crying. Just looks at me and we leave. My Stbxw stops them says something, the kids aren't engaging. We hop in the truck and head out to get something to eat. They didn't want to go in so we did a drive thru and ate in the vehicle. They both spoke about the session. Sis said, " I didn't think I needed this, but the doctor kept asking questions and getting into personal stuff. She made me cry." I tried to explain that is what they were there for and it was normal. We headed home and both went to school. After dropping of DD, my son tells me he wanted to cry, but didn't because he wanted to be there for his sister. How does a 12 yr. old come up with that? I told him to try and talk to the dr. Next time and let it happen if needed. Told him I cried when I spoke to a dr. About it and it was ok.

Two days later, we talk about the session if they bring it up. Both are to go back on Monday. Which is during her week. Should I go to be there for the kids before and after?

[This message edited by mblink at 6:12 AM, September 28th (Wednesday)]

Yes! They obviously need someone they can count on!

Good job telling your S it is ok to cry and that you did, too. Great life lesson and future coping skills are being learned through your example.

Good luck.

After dropping of DD, my son tells me he wanted to cry, but didn't because he wanted to be there for his sister. How does a 12 yr. old come up with that?

I am so glad that they are going to counseling. They sound like really great kids... almost too great in that they never seem to be able to get mad at their mother and what she has done to the family... with your posts I always feel like they are still protecting her and that she manipulates their protective nature to get away with things or get what she wants (50/50 custody).

Yes, I think you should be there for drop off and pick up for their counseling sessions. If they see you prior to the session and know you are there they might feel better about talking... After the session you can give them a hug and maybe a brief - are you ok type of talk?

You are a wonderful Dad for getting them in counseling and seeing that they attend.

MBL,

You are a Hero man. Your kids are lucky to have you for a Dad. Your relationship with them will be cemented for a lifetime because of your consistent actions when they are feeling most lost. You are their anchor and rock.

I can't imagine your co-parenting agreement precludes you from going to your kids' medical appointments on your non custodial times. Their mother showed up for this one.

You should go. It will continue to show your children your consistent love. Especially during their therapy appointments when they are having emotions they don't fully understand.

Your hug and kiss when they leave, even though they don't leave with you, will comfort and reassure them.

TL

You should always be there for your children. Therapy isn't easy and some days they will need you and others they may be angry and uncommunicative. Be there, listen and continue to share, they need the honesty and you are the parent capable of giving them this gift.

Hang in there, you are strong enough for this.

Whenever you can you should definitely be there for the kids for all of their therapy sessions. Ask their therapist if your son can have his own separate session so he can feel more comfortable to reveal his emotions.

Yes be there for your kids like you always are. Be there before they go in and be there afterwards so they know they can still count on you.

Your STBXW was at the first appointment even though it wasn't her time with the kids so there is no reason why you can't be there.

Second kids counseling session is complete. The counselor gave the kids instructions for divorce rules for parents and kids. If the stbxw and I argue in front of kids, they report it to the Dr. Instructions to allow them to take kids property from one house to another. No negative parent comments and we are not supposed to ask about things at the other parents home. Of course that blew up as soon as we walked out the door.

DD had asked to come home with me for homework help. Of course stbxw would not allow her to leave with me. We had made this arrangement yesterday. On my way home DD calls and says she is at the house where am I? Apparently, stbxw just didn't want her to leave with me. We worked on the math homework and I took her home.

If the stbxw and I argue in front of kids, they report it to the Dr. Instructions to allow them to take kids property from one house to another. No negative parent comments

Sounds like your Ex is using these rules to play games... can't argue with me when I break my promise to send DD home with him for homework... or when i suddenly drop her off with him a few minutes later. Can't say bad things about me when I mess with him and the kids...

We all know why she did it but...Just for wondering sake what excuse did she give DD for HAVING to drive her to your house?

All I can say is that I'm glad the kids are in counseling... I hope your kids tell the Dr about the "games" she is playing and that the Dr. holds her accountable.

Were they better about going to counseling? Does it seem more like something they want to do rather than Have to do?

Just heartbreaking that she is willing to use her children to get back at you. Sad, sad games. Cheating is a game where nobody wins and the ones ain't big enough to play are the ones to lose. Keep your chin up.

Kids did Much better at this session. No crying, kind of liked the instructions of telling on bad behavior. Another sad story in this mess is the kids will contact me while there. However, they go in another room and whisper so the fact that they are speaking to me isn't found out. Counting down the days. Come on November 3rd.

Hang in there brother, your doing a great job with your kids. You have become their rock, and they know it. From today till November 3rd, I hope days pass by like hours. Stay strong.

Parent teacher conference for my DD tomorrow. What if I just pop into OM's room and thank him.

[This message edited by mblink at 6:39 PM, October 12th (Wednesday)]

Hmmm, given that opportunity, it would be tough not to do it. You would hope it would throw him off his 'game' and shake him up. However, that's how a normal person would react and cheaters don't think like normal people. He would likely spin it into something else like you verbally assaulted him or.... I would probably ignore the SOB unless he approached me first. If that happened, it would be a different ballgame. Hang in and hang on, mblink; you're almost to November.