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So What happened with Soccer? did you do the driving? I'm sorry but I've got to agree that you can't be the white knight here. She either needs to do her 50% or you need a change of custody in November. Are the kids even getting up set with Mom about her lack of caring...will someone say something to her about it? Or do you just take care of it so it doesn't effect them too much and she never has to face her short commings?

MIL took him and SIL picked him up. Stbxw was supposed to get them at 430, she didn't. sTBXMIL picked up kept them and they went to STBXSIL for dinner. I'm not sure when my Stbxw saw them. I know both texted me last night about the boredom. It's tough to see them unhappy but I can't fix the issues at her house.

Document, document, document. Journal it. If your children want less to do with her come November she is going to claim you turned them against her.

I think this judge should recuse himself before it becomes contested. What does your lawyer have to say about this?

Yes document and make sure your lawyer knows. Don't delete the texts from your children showing that she didn't show up and that they are bored etc., and I would even take pictures of them just in case.

I'm remembering the hallway dance she did awhile ago...do you think she is dancing much these days?

You are doing great buddy.

As others have said....document all stbx's slip ups w/ the kids...as well as when the kids contact you about these slip ups. You clearly want more custody so this will be very important when/if you decide to modify the custody arrangement.

Make sure you get "right of first refusal" in your custody agreement. Most lawyers put it in there but MAKE sure it is.

This will require that stbx must contact you and give you first crack at watching the kids before she can dump them at MIL's. I imagine this is a rule she will break habitually...and will be the ace up your sleeve when you modify for more custody.

use google calendar to document

You've got to play the long game.

Unfortunately, that may mean some pain for your kids. If you STBX misses soccer practice, you CAN'T rush to get the kids there - they'll have to miss it.

But you document that. If it's an emergency and STBX is nowhere to be found, then you go, but you document it; but it's got to be an emergency (like kid is left at practice with no one picking him up).

What you have to show is that when with you, everything is AOK. When with STBX, it's chaos. If you backstop STBX, then everything is hunky dory - except for you, you are run ragged.

MIL took him and SIL picked him up. Stbxw was supposed to get them at 430, she didn't. sTBXMIL picked up kept them and they went to STBXSIL for dinner. I'm not sure when my Stbxw saw them. I know both texted me last night about the boredom. It's tough to see them unhappy but I can't fix the issues at her house.

Your daughter said 50/50 was best. Maybe now since she sees what it is she'll change her mind

As a reminder, document, document document.

DD texted last night from the kids week with mom at her house. She noticed Stbxw phone going off and looked. Code name lawyer2 sent her a poem about desire. She went back to homework and more messages came in. She didn't read them but copied the number because her and little brother couldn't figure out why the lawyer would text that. She checks the number and.......... Stbxw and OM are back at it. My daughter still had his number from earlier this year when Stbxw made her call him to say thanks for the flowers his wife bought my daughter.

After much internal debate and discussion with a friend, I went to see the OBS today. Almost like a sign... She was outside getting in her car and we spoke. I informed her that I had suspicions and she advised that she had felt something was up for the past couple weeks. She is going to blow him up with it tonight. Hopefully, for her and her family she makes a decision and does something to either get into a real R or move onto a D. I gave her Stbxw number and told her that I just had some feeling that something was up. She needs to check for herself.

Should give you some closure about following through with the divorce.

I agree with Marc878. This is proof positive you did the right thing kicking her ass to the curb. You also did the right thing going to the OBS with the information you have. She needs to deal with his cheating ass.

It is also a shame that your EXWW is exposing your daughter to her filth and depravity. Protect your daughter as much as you can. Make sure she gets therapy, and support her. Good fortune to you and your kids brother. Stay strong.

I screwed up

I should have made obs aware when the kids got home. She is blaming them.

Who's blaming who for what?

Your STBX is blaming the kids for OBS finding out about the latest round of texting? I'm sorry for that. Your kids shouldn't be put in the middle. How would telling OBS earlier have helped?

If that's the case I guess discretion is totally out the window (for STBX at least). By chastising the kids she is basically admitting she's still "involved" with the married guy...otherwise how would she know u spoke to OBS.

I'll bet the farm that married guy is desperately wanting a lot more discretion. And I'll double down that STBX is hounding him to dump his wife now that you filed.

So, they're being blamed for not being loyal to the queen? This is what I see as the big problem here. So many red flags. I'll echo what longforgotten said about protecting and getting help for your daughter. Mother/daughter relationships are so complicated and formative at her age. And almost every post I see about your STBXW's behavior pings a nerve of worry for your daughter.

Thank God she has you. Clearly, you are her rock.

I'm so sorry. I didn't think this would play out this way. I figured OBS would confront by asking for his phone, see the texts and the confrontation would go from there...

Never thought your kids would get pulled into this. Are they upset with you for telling OBS or at Mom for being an ASS to them about this?

Sure didn't take OM long to contact your Ex, so he isn't even trying to go NC with her. Sorry, you did a good thing telling OBS...sorry you(kids) are having to face the backlash.

Stbxw is blaming the kids. And yes he went right to her to let her know his wife found out. The OBS did let him know it was from me and that I asked him to have no contact with my daughter in school. He did speak to her in the hall last week.

I was not concerned that anyone knew it came from me, just concerned that the kids would be blamed. They are a little upset with me for going to her, I explained that it was the right thing to do and I didn't let her know how I knew what was going on. DD started texting me at the end of school then both kids conference called me as soon as they got to her house. She dropped them off and went to the "store".

I am proud of th OBS for at least bringing it up to her WH. Sad that the first reaction is that they start covering their tracks. I know now that I should have waited until this weekend to let her know. The kids would have been here with me and they wouldn't have had to deal with her until next week.

[This message edited by mblink at 6:43 PM, September 8th (Thursday)]

Time to expose to the schoolboard. Get him away from your kids.

[This message edited by Marc878 at 7:38 PM, September 8th (Thursday)]