SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Double post

[This message edited by Veub at 8:42 PM, August 30th (Tuesday)]

No it isn't. And if you don't believe strucural changes in the Brain don't cause changes in behavior, then you're in a very small minority.

Brain injury does cause this in some people. In others it causes a complete lack of sex drive. It affects different people differently.

Different parts of the brain are damages. Different connections are broken. Different results.

It does changes behavior (we don't how ,cognitive science is very underdeveloped as of yet) , but in most cases it's not drastic enough to cause you to start doing stuff like killing people or start fucking people left and right.

From then on , it's more of an ethical question , "are mentally impaired people responsible for their actions?" that's not a scientific question.

By the way , you're still assuming that this is what happened with his WW , we don't know that.

No, I'm not assuming that was what happened with his wife. My first post said that I didn't know if it applied to her.

Over the past decade I have met dozens and dozens of spouses, children, partners, parents of people with brain injuries. Some of the injuries apparently minor, some very severe, most in between. Continually hear about the behavioral changes in the injured person. People who had never been abusive becoming verbally and physically violent with family members. People who were affectionate in the past becoming cold and unfeeling, repulsed by physical contact. People who had been kind and caring, doing and saying hurtful things to strangers. People who had been socially and sexually reserved becoming flirtatious and acting out sexually.

Another constant is that the brain injured cannot recognize that these behaviors are out of the norm.

Treatment can help these behaviors. Most never get any treatment.

I am not saying, and never have said, that, if the lowered inhibition caused by TBI led her to engage in this behavior, he is somehow required to accept it and get back together with her. Whatever the cause, he is the one who has to make the the decision whether he can continue in the marriage or not. No different than somebody whose TBI led them to physical and verbal abuse. Each person needs to determine what they can accept, and deal with.

What I do believe is that the TBI offers an alternate explanation for her behavior than the claim that she is a depraved whore as many on this thread have claimed.

I also firmly believe that a neurologist or psychiatrist who does not specialize in brain injury treatment is worse than useless in dealing with the aftermath of these injuries.

[This message edited by Veub at 10:47 AM, August 31st (Wednesday)]

Sorry. I had Tbi to the point of amnesia for a short term. I didn't spend the next 10 years screwing 20 people of both sexes. This is a bs cop out.

It was 5 years, but I get your point. I also don't think it's a cop out, because SHE doesn't think it had anything to do with her behavior. She completely owns her behavior.

I also firmly believe that a neurologist or psychiatrist who does not specialize in brain injury treatment is worse than useless in dealing with the aftermath of these injuries.

I have no idea what this neurologist specializes in; I'll ask that question when we meet with the psychiatrist.

At this point I'm not sure it matters what caused her to do what she did. What matters is are we going to be able to live happily ever after; can I put this behind me and accept her for who she is now, and that's where I struggle. She looks good, I mean, fantastic right now. Her sessions have obviously helped her out emotionally and it shows. She's a life long swimmer and her "therapy" has been to really hit the pool and she's as toned as I've ever seen her. And I still have no desire for her. I can acknowledge that she looks absolutely hot as hell, I mean, it's glaringly obvious, but I just don't want her. I still love her, I still enjoy her company, but I have no desire to "be" with her.

She gets where I'm coming from, but only to an extent. She asked if I still loved her and I told her yes, but that I also didn't have any desire for her. She told me she'd be willing to go sexless in our marriage and I lost it. She was completely clueless as to why until I asked her what happened the last time we went without sex. Oh. Thankfully she didn't pursue the conversation and promise she'd be faithful this time; she acknowledged that what she said was very hurtful and apologized. That was the conversation we had that lead up to her agreeing that we will D at the start of the year if things haven't changed.

Do you have desire for other women? Or no desire at all?

I agree, as usual with Ivehadit01.

Wittold, I don't always buy the TBI stuff. Yes, I know that there are legitimate issues with TBI patients. I know a few. However, don't allow the TBI of your WW to enable you to rugsweep her actions or to move on in a life of pain in not knowing what she's going to be doing to you, behind your back etccc...

TBI does not justify the behavior. It can enable it but only you can stand up and say you won't tolerate it.

Do you have desire for other women? Or no desire at all?

I don't want to go out and have sex with other women, but that's more because I'm still married than because something is "broken".

However, don't allow the TBI of your WW to enable you to rugsweep her actions or to move on in a life of pain in not knowing what she's going to be doing to you, behind your back etccc...

Neither of us are rugsweeping her actions? The point I was trying to make was even if I did find out that it was 100% caused by TBI, that point would be moot if I still had no desire for her. As far as her doing something again behind my back, if we were to R, and that's a big IF,I don't think I'd have anything to worry about. She shows true remorse and is going after her treatment about as aggressively as can be done.

In the 2 months since I've last posted, a LOT of things have changed. In a nutshell, I have my desire back for her, and we've decided to live together again. She moved back in over this past weekend, and while we aren't exactly newlyweds, we are getting along pretty well. We're taking it day by day like the start of a new relationship vs the continuation of our old, dead one. Both families and all of our friends know the complete story, so no rug sweeping. I think the 2 months separation really, REALLY did us both good. I'm hoping this is my sayonara for the JFO forum, so I guess it's time to relocate to the R side.

Thanks for the update. I hope it all continues to go well for you both and that you continue to heal, find peace and get stronger.

It is critical that a bh stand up for himself. You have done so. As long as your ww has empathy, you can make it.

Anything can be overcome if you take the proper steps. Best wishes to both of you