SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She's a "gem" alright... Yes, she thought she might be able to rope you into being daddy in March with a conveniently timed roll in the hay and when that didn't work she figured she should come clean because??? She has a soul? She thought it might make a difference? It was her last, best chance to live the life she pictured herself living? Honestly, who knows. Just freakin' run away from this woman.

Lastly, another one of the posters mentioned it, and I agree you'd be wise to see what the applicable paternity laws are in your current location (somewhere in AP IIRC) and home country (US or Canada, again IIRC). In some US states the husband is legally presumed to be the father (I.e., required to pay child support) unless there is hard evidence to the contrary. Good luck, I hope you find a Susan eventually.

I'm legally separated according to law in my jurisdiction and so not worried about the paternity issue - according to my lawyer. She's still on my credit cards. Once I get her to sign the bloody divorce papers everything is cut off.

OUCH!

RickyBobby....... whatever twilight zone is your WW living in?

My, my, my - your instinct to be better off without her was absolutely spot-on.

Sending strength to deal with this latest fall-out.

Stay calm.

MOB

Jesus, this one is so bad that I wouldn't just move away but I'd find some cabin in the woods, go off the grid and live on worms and forest mushrooms rather than chance ever talking to her again.

I'd use the pregnancy to encourage her to sign the divorce papers. Something along the lines of, "It's obvious we have both moved on from the M; especially, considering you are pregnant with another man's child. Let's formalize that by getting the divorce finished. Then we can go our separate ways and be happy."

Heck, you might even tell her that you'll still be friends afterward or something that makes her feel better about the whole thing. Just so she signs the damn papers. Once you've got what you want you can cut her out of your life.

If it hasn't come through in my posts yet, I'm really sorry this happened to you.

Though kinda funny, she went on fertility meds a month after she got back from banging her ex. And I went and had my swimmers tested to check their strength (not bad, a few were bewildered apparently). She is nearly 40 and I'm mid-40s so thought this was prob our last good chance for a sprog. Luckily the 10k of drugs didn't work!!

Rickybobby, remember that up there? The ex-bf was a hedge if you didnt get her pregnant. Her desire to get one in the oven was more important than keeping her vows with you. Talk about selfish. This was planned well in advance. Midlife crisis brought it to surface. It invoked fear of mortality and death (Her father's health), the opposite of which is birth and new life,youth, so her response is to get pregnant by all means (and cocks) necessary to counter that fear. You weren't her partner of equal standing as you may have thought. You were a convenient means to an end in her competitive narcissistic frame of reality. The baby is not a product of two loving couples to her. Instead it is a trophy and a coping mechanism for growing older.

What bag of nuts. She needs to get with that bag of dicks ex-bf and those two need to grow up fast and start taking parenting classes.

From DDay:

She then finished with saying I was her best friend but that she now felt the marriage was a sham and wasn't committed to it.

Her words certainly matched her actions.

I hope that in your jurisdiction a divorce action can be taken eventually even if she doesn't sign.

She is seriously messed up. Won't sign the papers but has to announce to you that she is pregnant. I guess she told you since you are her "best friend".

Make sure her mother knows the truth of the pregnancy. And ask for her help in getting the papers signed.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Your thought process is correct...no doubts now about moving on.

Thanks everyone for the support. The level of crazy and narcissism is so strong with her that I wonder if she's been taken over by an alien life form. She hasn't responded to my request to sign the papers and provide me a time to have the clerk serve her the summons. I'll give it a another couple of days but will escalate to her brother and mother if I need to light a fire under her. It's been a few months now, a couple more days aren't going to make any difference.

Oh, and the sperm donor doesn't know he's knocked her up. She thought she could just keep the baby. She's actually incredibly intelligent, or used to be.

Most recent update: I told her I wanted every last thing out of the apartment so two weeks ago she came by to get it...which included her begging me over and over to give it another chance etc. One of the hardest things I've done in my life was to keep saying, "no". It seemed so much easier to agree, but I knew I couldn't live with myself if I did that. A man without boundaries is no man at all, or something like that.

All credit cards are cancelled. She still refuses to sign the divorce papers. And so it goes on.

Stay strong RB!

Ugh. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

It's still amazing to me how intensely self-centered cheaters can be. The whole idea that your WW could stand there, pregnant with another man's child, and pressure you to take her back is repugnant. There was (and still is) ONE THING she could do to put you first, and that would be to sign the divorce papers as you've requested. Her refusal to do so tells you everything. Instead, she's going to make you do it the hard way.

They say in the Divorce forum, "no new contact = no new hurts". I think it would be wise for you to set up stringent No Contact parameters, push everything through your attorney, and if you haven't done so already, block her ability to contact you directly.

Reconciliation is hard, believe me, I know. It's utterly impractical with an remorseless WS though. And clearly, if she couldn't do the ONE THING you asked of her, she's still not willing to put your needs first.

Wishing you strength.

I'm new here since your last post but your story is incredible and sad. She truly is lost. For your sake I am glad you are so strong.

Is the pregnancy moving along as expected? Does the ex-BF now know?

In her begging did she ever try to give you a reason? A why for this mess she created?

She's having another man's baby. That's too much to ask of any betrayed husband. Hell no. Go off and have your baby and good luck. Wash your hands of this horrible person as quickly as the law will allow.

It takes a lot of nerve to want you back so you can raise another man's baby. Again, hell no!!!

Thanks everyone for the continuing support!

I believe she's no longer pregnant - I haven't asked as it's not my business anymore. I have as little contact with her as possible, however we're in the process of selling our overseas house and so I have to speak with her (I've been doing most via email). No way can I have my lawyer in this country handle that transaction.

I've never heard a reason from her, but I've never explicitly asked. I honestly think she doesn't know! Nothing she can say as to 'why?' would make any difference with what happened, is happening, or with how I feel about it all. And so I don't try and go down that rabbit hole.

I think you are doing absolutely the right thing by detaching and keeping all communication limited to just the essentials. As you say, the pregnancy is her business, not your concern. The same thing goes for her reasons, such as they might be. Whatever bee was in her bonnet, there was no justification for what she did to you, and asking her about any of it is almost irrelevant and this point, and just risks giving her a hook to try and pull you back in. Which is the last thing you need.

At some point she is going to have to sign the divorce papers, and perhaps your legal guys can pursue that with her. She cannot delay the inevitable forever.

Stay strong, RB. You are on the right path, and doing the right thing.

Been a really hard few days. She finally signed the papers on Friday. I know that is progress, and progress is good (still many months before the courts will finalise it though), but it is certainly a bittersweet feeling. Damn it hurts realising that my life with her is really done. I guess there has always been a small part of me thinking everything would / could somehow work out, even though I have actively resisted all her attempts at reconciliation. Amazing how long it takes the heart and the mind to sync up. I still catch myself thinking I want to discuss what's going on in my life with her - when she's the cause and focus of much of that!

She's also secured a loan and so will likely be buying me out of my 1/2 of our overseas house. Again, progress mixed with sadness.

It's going to be a long time before I feel good again.

Praying for you friend.

Your strength is an inspiration to some of us waffling BS. I am learning and trying to get myself set like you and go forward. Thank you for sharing your story, and sorry we meet here.

it sucks only in the sense that you had the rug pulled from under you and your emotions are still settling. When you are thinking rationally you know that you did the right thing.

Eventually the rational self will take over most completely.