SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

HellZ

I threw a picture in a wood and glass frame. It bbounced and didn't even gget a mark.

My phone has been thrown a bunch of times and it never gets a dent. Now if I drop it by accident you can guarantee it will scuff the case. I a a clumsy person who breaks stuff all the time. BUt the few occassions I've intentionally tried to break/smash something I don't seem to manage it. Can't even do that right.

I want to break stuff. I want to scream and shout and tear through the whole world. But I don't. I sink into the sofa or the bed and just...nothing. I'm not even really here today. Today I'm swinging from a numbing paralysing sadness and an all-consuming rage that I'm here and I'm broken like this so early.

I broke a beer glass in the sink.

My now XWW and DD cite this as an example of my "anger issues."

Caterpillar: Right there with ya. Sending you positive thoughts.

My wedding dress went in the bin

I threw my rings away too (but WH has recovered them)

A GHD hairdryer :/

Threw my iPhone (7 plus) at the floor in anger but it never broke. I will never know why, but it bounced and bruised WH in the elbow. COMPLETELY not meant but I don't feel bad either I'm afraid

I broke a beer glass in the sink.

My now XWW and DD cite this as an example of my "anger issues."

Yeah WS's like to play the Martyr whenever they can

I took a hammer to his phone and smashed it to pieces. I took his laptop and hit it on the concrete garage floor until it shattered. I threw the sweater he was wearing away in the only pic I saw of the two of them. No, I don't normally do things like that.

This is why I love SI. I don't feel so crazy after reading threads like these. Lots broken but nothing shattered any more valuable than him shattering our marriage.

I would love to destroy a feather pillow in anger. The decadence of destroying something luxurious and the satisfying mess of the feathers floating everywhere (providing you're not stuck with the clean up)

I backed my car over his blackberry. You know that thing didn't crush??? I had to take a sledgehammer to it in order to do a proper job.

I've never broken anything prior to DD either. I don't even raise my voice. But during one particular argument after DD, I did yell at him. OBS and I had been comparing notes on text a few weeks after DD, and I was finding out the extended version of the affair. WH had minimized it. So when WH found out I knew the truth, he physically threatened the OBS. I lost it. OBS was a victim, like me, and I didn't want WH hurting him more. And I felt that WH didn't have a right to dictate who I talked to. It was very controlling behavior. Plus, I was angry at WH that he was still lying to me and that the affair was soooo much worse that I had thought. So, I was yelling at him, and I picked up a brand new $2800 laptop and threw it on the ground. It smashed into several pieces. Then, I threw a cell phone across the room. There is still a small hole in the wall behind the bedroom door that neither of us have fixed. I'm not proud of losing my temper, but I'm not bent out of shape about it either.

My rage surprised me:

On Dday, I threw the landline phone at the locked bathroom door where the coward was hiding and deleting his latest texts. It dented the door.

Later, when he locked himself in the bathroom another time, I tried to crash it in and actually broke the lock and splintered the door frame.

(After Dday, locking himself in the bathroom was a gigantic trigger. He locked himself in the bathroom while he texted the AP throughout the A. I was worried because he told me the entire time he was having bowel problems and I begged him repeatedly to visit his doctor.)

I broke a watering can and metal cupcake pan by hurling them around the house.

I broke my salad spinner from pounding on it in anger.

I chipped a plastic cutting board by slamming a knife down on it (this was when he gaslighted me when I caught him on the phone with AP prior to Dday).

I printed the AP's picture and then burned it and dumped the ashes in the compost.

I donated or threw away everything I could find that he bought for me during the A.

I wrote horrible notes all over our Michigan travel books on the pages describing places the "hook-ups" occurred. Really horrible, profane notes.

In retrospect, it's a wonder I didn't do worse things.

I took the stash of love letters he kept that I had written over three years to him while we were dating, there were hundreds, and I tore them up and left them for him to find. I also destroyed a baby quilt his psycho mom made for our baby.

I think they're actually in a plastic bag in the garage, I should throw them away. He honestly used to go through and reread them even during his A as if he deserved all of those nice things I said to and about him.

Oh i also totaled the car he transported her in. He never bothered to get rid of it and I as transporting my child in it, he never made a single attempt to get rid of that trigger for me. I didn't do it purposely, but I wasn't sorry to see it go.

Did I mention TWO of his burner phones.....so yes please add two burner phones.....

New here. Thought I'd hop in on the rampage thread. When we were married our guestbook was actually a bench I built and painted with our names and date, and guests signed. It sat at the foot of our bed, which I also built. I burned it about a month after he moved out. Just dragged it to our burn pile and asked my dad if it was cool for me to light it. So I did. And it burned alongside the trash and debris.

I boxed up all the wedding photos and albums, along with the maternity pictures from our first child. Meant to destroy them but it felt weird, with my baby "in" them. 9 months into recovery I'm glad I didn't. But I would watch that bench burn again in satisfaction. Very few signatures belonged to friends of the marriage. Many were signed by the assholes who encouraged his affair. WHILE I was pregnant with our third child. /rant

I'm enjoying this thread, as it makes me feel not so crazy. I am normally considered a mild-mannered person, not prone to rages or destruction, until after DDay that is. It was a little frightening to me to feel that out of control. If I were stronger, there are a few cabinet doors and walls that would probably have holes in them right now (tried to put my hand through them). Probably the most destructive thing I did was to draw a picture of the AP on a piece of paper (quite an accurate depiction, in my opinion ) since I didn't have a photo to print out, tape it to a closet door in WH's workshop (where the A began), and proceed to smash it with a hammer. Unfortunately, the door also sustained damage It stayed up on the door for a while, and whenever I felt the need to let loose some rage, I would take the hammer to it and add a few more holes. WH apparently found this quite disturbing, even going so far as to email my IC about how he was worried about me After a while, the hammer no longer did it for me, so I took a baseball bat to the door, and, well, it was time to replace it shortly after that. So now I no longer have a surrogate AP

I'm enjoying this thread, as it makes me feel not so crazy.

Shhhh, don't tell anyone but at least 85 % of my threads are to make myself feel normal (aka not crazy ).

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 6:12 PM, January 16th (Monday)]

Is it weird that months after Separation, I am keeping a couple mugs in my dresser to smash for a time when I'm so F-in mad I need something physical? It's like a pre-meditated temper tantrum!

He bought me a ring recently which shocked me as I am not used to getting even birthday presents from him and I learned after Dday it was a guilt driven purchase.

That got wrapped in toilet paper and flushed down the toilet.

All the wedding photos shredded.

1. Our MC recommended that we purchase and read the book "After the Affair." I ripped it out of her hands one day and tore it to shreds.

I also grabbed a mug that she was carrying and threw it against the wall one evening. It exploded into a million pieces (it was ceramic).

2. I had never smashed or destroyed anything in anger in the past.

3. I was very shocked at what I had done, both times. In both cases, I completely dissociated and I only remember parts of the incidents. The good news is that, after discussing the episodes in IC, I was diagnosed with depression and I am now treating/managing the depression better.