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Randy1133 ( member #54958) posted at 9:50 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2017
Hope this doesn't sound harsh, but almost no man is going to stay in a 3.5 year relationship with a woman and not get sex in return. Sorry, but the chances of them not having sex is very slim.
Especially in an extramarital relationship, its unheard of. Affairs are always about one thing - sex and ego kibbles. Male AP gets the sex, Female AP gets the ego kibbles.
Dday: May/Aug 2016
Divorced
'Even in a toothache there is enjoyment'- Dostoyevsky
Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 9:58 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2017
I'm going to find a new IC today. I will probably push my WW to pick another IC that can help her better. She needs to fundamentally change as a person if we are going to continue.
This. If she isn't doing the work, or trying to find out her issues, then it will make your choice easy.
But as some others have noted, you may not be fully out of infidelity yet -- in order to be clear of that, you need to have as much truth about what happened as possible. You can't process through what you don't know.
Take some time. It is not a coin toss decision. Take care of you, get sleep, get some IC to help as well - I never considered myself ever needing counseling, but has helped me a bunch.
Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca
nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 10:26 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2017
My friend, they had tons of sex. PIV, oral, you name it, they did it. Her claiming she can't remember is horse shit.
Book a polygraph and I'm sure that will jog her memory a bit. And if, by some miracle she is telling the truth then she will be happy to take it and prove it.
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 10:30 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2017
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Tren0R201 ( member #39633) posted at 11:23 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2017
Why is it when texts are discovered it's like
"I'll never forget what we did last night, you were amazing"
When the spouse asks what they did..
"Oh I don't remember"
anoldlion ( member #51571) posted at 6:08 AM on Thursday, March 30th, 2017
I'm sorry to say that I have never met a man who would have a 3.5 year affair with a woman who gave him make out sessions, hand jobs and blowjobs and never had PIV sex. If there is such a man he is a very rare creature. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I don't know of anyone that could. You have to remember that she lied to you for 3.5 years and anything she says now is suspect. Additionally, she and the OP could have easily coordinated their stories so they sounded believable. If you do R, I hope she becomes the best wife a man ever had. I wish you well.
OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 6:57 AM on Thursday, March 30th, 2017
As cautious and patient as I may be, I agree with the above posts...in a 3.5 year relationship there was sex, so she is minimizing drastically.
A polygraph would be advisable before R should even be on the table.
I was young and dumb and stayed with a cheater.
meridian ( member #56913) posted at 12:36 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2017
I am sorry but I can't believe that 2 adults who are sexual attracted to each other for 3.5 years can go as far as oral but not have full sex - They Had Sex !
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