SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Don't be an asshole but don't be nice either. Indifferent. Stoic. Independent. That's what you want her to see.

However, why do want to be with someone who has to "reconsider" to stay with you? You want someone who's crazy about you, all in, can't stand the thought of being without you. I believe she thinks she's the prize. Let her go and find that she isn't.

The little things of the 180 are extremely important. No where in the 180 does it say to be an "asshole" does it? When she says something to you that doesn't concern the kids, tell her it's none of your concern since she has fired you. Tell her you won't be friends as you do not friend people that turn on you.

Have you taken half the money out of accounts are do you plan on letting her rob you? Have you closed all credit accts with her name on it? She's filing on you. How the hell did you let her take even more advantage of you? How is your nice guy routine working out for you? Did you contact the AP's spouses?

Cody don't forget the 180 is for you not to win your wife back. It is for your sanity and to get control of your life. You can't control what your wife does, just how you do or dont respond to her . Do not try to nice her back. It won't work. She is an unremorseful cheater, not the great prize . Also remember now that she's filed for divorce she is not your friend. I recommend taking half of your money out before she drains your account and take her name off everything you can. This is war .

First off, I'm not trying to "nice her back in" we have three great kids together that I am trying to protect more than anything! I realize the 180 is for me and if , a real big if she happens to take notice than great. I want this to work for my kids, period! Secondly, we have an agreement on our money, yes we will ne d to start separating all of this but she nor I will take advantage of what we have in the bank. None of you know her or me and what we have, you are not in our shoes!

... my wife will be filing for divorce next week! She has broke off contact with the EA on advice from her lawyer and therapist. I told her the other night that I can't be in a marriage with three people and she called the lawyer the next day. Now I know I can't force her or attempt to change her mind as she states this has been building for years, fine if she wants out she can go, but I can't or will not give up on us as she is so easily willing to do. With that, I have 6 to 7 months to show her, not tell her or beg her to reconsider, as of this morning I am following the 180? How do I do this without coming across as an asshole? I am trying to be as nice and cordial as I can but the anger inside is kiling me, I am now working out which helps and for the lack of eating I am now down 35 pounds in 5 weeks but I actually feel really good about myself where people including other women are starting to take notice. So my question is, do I just follow the 180? Is there any other advice to go from here???

As you observed in an earlier post, your WW has shown what motivates her ("she saw the lawyer and therapist today and she feels more comfortable moving forward with divorce and how she thinks she'll get to keep the house and get custody of our kids"). Given this, it would seem unlikely that any behavior on your part -- whether it be in the nature of playing nice or acting macho -- is going to change her mind. Attempts to change a wayward's mind are often futile because the decision to cheat leads to fundamental changes in the psyche, including selective memory and rewriting history. Sometimes, kicking the wayward to the curb and immediately filing for D snaps her back into reality, but you opted not to do that and she has already filed, so that option is foreclosed.

Your best course of action now is to embrace D, get the best lawyer you can to defend your parental rights and financial interests, continue to detach emotionally from your WW and focus on taking care of your kids, so that, when the marriage ends, you are in the best possible place to build a new and better life. To the extent you are successful at this and she notices, who knows, maybe she will rethink her decision and ask you to take her back. But that is a long shot and nothing you should count on.

My advice: stop chasing her; she's not worth it.

... we have an agreement on our money, yes we will ne d to start separating all of this but she nor I will take advantage of what we have in the bank.

Friendly warning, promises made prior to D are often forgotten once the battle commences. Protect your assets yourself, rather than trusting your WW not to take them for her own use.

No, we don't know either of you. But the people who are giving you advice aren't clouded by love for your wife. Your situation isn't unique.

You say she won't take advantage of that..but you don't know her as well as you thought. You were sure she was NC. You even got upset because people were telling you she wasn't. Then you found out that not only was she still talking to OM..but she had a new guy as well.

Actually, everyone here would love for you to be able to reconcile. You're not the only BS with kids, who have a spouse who has cheated on them, and want to reconcile. We do get it. But we also know you can't make someone remorseful. You can't do the pick me dance and she will come running back. The betrayed husbands here who have had the most success in reconciliation are aggressive, decisive, and refuse to tolerate any more shit. If you want your wife to respect you, you need to respect yourself. Right now, she sees you as weak. No woman wants a weak man. Stop accepting her abuse.

Cody, why are you letting her file first? In my state, the person who files first has the judges ear first. This could go a long way in your battle.

First thing is to realize you deserve better.

Plan for your independent life, and look out for your own self interest.

We don't know you ? Have you read any of the other threads here? Your wife lies like a dog, acts like a low rent internet porn star and you still trust her. You will need more than luck.