SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is my sister thread and a thread jack of my thread of

" If you found out your neighbor was cheating..."

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=603814

I asked twelve of my coworkers, closest friend and family members their opinion whether they would tell their neighbor if her husband was cheating on her .

10 people said between no to hell no.

1 said that they will tell.

1 was a maybe.

Do you know your friends and family opinions on whether they would tell the unknowing BS?

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 3:53 PM, April 27th (Thursday)]

I'd say it's about 90% no tell and 10% tell for my friends and family. Incidentally, the 10% group had been cheated on before.

My IC said No,

So sad .

Anyone have anything to add ?

I have no opinion on whether my friends or family would tell or not.

I just wanted to add that I'm not surprised that pretty much ALL the people you asked took the wildly popular "it's none of my business - I don't want to get involved" approach.

How many times has some idiot videotaped something awful - a woman being beat up or someone being victimized somewhere out in public - and done NOTHING about it while they continued taping it to broadcast on social media later? That's the epitome of "I don't want to get involved."

So no, I'm not surprised at all at the answers you got.

I wonder why this thread is getting so little love .

* scratches head*

I wonder why this thread is getting so little love

I don't know for sure, but I would guess it is because like me most BSs discount advice like this from those who have not been in our shoes.

The nearly universal advice here is to tell. This from people who know exactly what infidelity means. We wish someone had stepped up and told us what the heck was going on. The "none of my business" attitude, while understandable, only perpetuates and abets the emotional destruction of those being betrayed.

I trust the advice given here more than I would trust the advice given by friends and family that are clueless about infidelity. It's not their fault they don't know what they are talking about, but they don't. With the best of intentions they offer advice that causes more damage.

Just my opinion.

Hi dorothy123.

I am a teacher. College. Mostly women in my course. (Pretty much all are women). This year's class have been a pleasure to teach. All are respectful to me and eachother. Most have become friendly or even friends. Age varies between 18 (and just the most impressive, mature 18 yr old doll) and a 28 yr old married woman with two children.

About 1 and 1/2 months ago, 2 students asked to speak to me privately about a concern they had. I will say I had a feeling about what they were wishing to speak about. ( I have ears and heard inklings of banter about one of my other students and her boyfriend)

They had proof of this boyfriend stepping out on my student. Had mentioned it to this student but she always would come back with plausible reasons why her boyfriend would have been innocent. But now these students had positive proof of cheating and wanted my oppinion on how to proceed. Especially since said student had not been very receptive to their revelations to her before.

Of course, unknown to them I am in the situation I am in. I swear my heart was pounding.

I encouraged them to tell her and show the evidence to her if she wished to see it. But asked them to do so privately. That this betrayed student deserved to be the one to decide who knew her truth and how to proceed. That they risked the loss of her friendship in telling. She might not believe them. But in the end they are doing the right thing. Everyone deserves to know their truth.

I applauded them on their humanity and concern for their fellow man.

I have some hopes for the generations to come. Dirty secrets may not continue in the lives of mine and all our children

Ever since I started this thread, I've been OBSESSING about this.

I just can't " let this go" or " get over it".

Doesn't it seem that ....

Non BS'S just don't care about BS'S.

Non BS'S don't care about the life of a BS.

What the hell is wrong with people?

Sorry I jacked my own thread.

After doing it, and having it done to me, I would tell in a heartbeat.

I suspect that before I became a bs, I probably would ha rd said no, it's none of my business. Unfortunately that's how society seems to think. And now, I would tell. I can't imagine how I would feel about myself if I didn't.

Sorry I jacked my own thread.

Ha! This is not possible! It's your thread and you can jack it if you want to!

I'll give you my answer: I don't know.

(this is why I didn't respond before)

I don't know what my friends and family would do if they had knowledge of infidelity. This is not a common conversation for me to have with friends.

The closest conversation that I have had about this is with a female co-worker. Apparently, one of her friends has a side piece. This friend-of-the-friend has a husband with a very low libido whereas the friend-of-the-friend has a very high libido... and the two of them have agreed that the solution to this discrepancy, in an otherwise good marriage, is for the wife to get herself a side piece. My friend basically said "I can't imagine that working out."

I know that my wife would not tell. At least one of her friends has had an affair and my wife did not tell her husband. My wife and this friend have gone out together and the friend "disappeared" for about two hours and nothing was said about it.

I know that my godfather has repeatedly cheated on my godmother. This information came out while I was in college when my godfather was convicted of a couple of felonies. I know that my parents were pissed about it, but I am not sure if they told my godmother or my godmother told them.

Ugh this sh*t just gets under my skin

Well WH family knew and said nothing to me.

I don't know if my famy would tell. I hope they would.

Many people knew about WH activities and said nothing to me.

Even before becoming a Bs I knew that it was wrong and I'd tell if I found out.

This breaks my heart.

I'd say it's about 90% no tell and 10% tell for my friends and family. Incidentally, the 10% group had been cheated on before.

This seems to be an unfortunate trend.

When I was young my dad cheated on my mom. For over a decade. His sister would babysit his (multiple) OW's kids so he could go out with OWs. WTF people? Is it any wonder I'm a mess? really? is it?

I have friends I for sure would tell no doubt. I would like to know how you tell someone you are not close to that their spouse is cheating. I wish someone had told me, but would I have believed it if it were not a friend telling me?

How does that work? I sincerely want to know. Thanks!

My neighbors told me my wife was having a 'visitor' when I was at work and I was deeply appreciative.

To me it all depends on the specific situation- how well I know the neighbor, what kind of person they are...