SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So how many of you continue to live together for financial reasons until it's final?

We have decided to do so but it's getting increasingly difficult. My WW behavior has gotten more obvious with the online chatting which infuriates me. I think I need to boot her out.

I mean this lady has absolutely no remorse for destroying our family.

How does everyone else do it?

[This message edited by Thefishman37 at 3:40 PM, July 7th (Friday)]

I was lucky enough to have an outbuilding (my music studio) that I could sleep in during the separation. Ultimately, even the 3% of the time we had overlap in the main house proved to be horrible and i moved into my brother's house for the last two months of separation.

In house separation is very difficult. I found even my different structure, same plot of land approach to be unacceptable.

Extremely difficult. I moved out for 6 months and it became burdening financially. I was paying 3K a month on two households. I decided to move in for OUR to help financially until this is all over with. It has been tough and I regret. All of the triggers, just make it extremely tough.

Even if you have kids like I do, and we are both good parents, there have been times where inevitable arguments insued.

Luckily she finally got an apartment and we only have to do this for another 6 weeks.

Sending you strength. Keep yourself bisy, and anytime she triggers you like when she is on her phone, simply leave. You will be better for it.

Just saw your DDay was a short amount of time. It's still pretty early. I don't know how you do it.

If you are not in IC, call up a friend a see if you can stay with him for a while. Luckily I had such a friend and was able to begin to detach...

My wife and I are still living together. Mind you it's only been a little over a week since I ended it. I told her she can stay living here until we sell the house.

She is planning to move into a house that her parent's own and fix it up within the next 1-3 months.

In the mean time - I plan to avoid anything that she says or does that triggers me. Just remind myself "that is why I'm leaving" and don't lash out. My goal is to physically separate and in order to fully do that we need to sell our house (which could take a long time).

Unfortunately I can't move out. We live in a house that is a requirement of my job. She could leave but has no where to go nor does She want everyone to find out until it's final. We are filing monday.

Which means we could have 60 days of this. I'm going to have to be scarce when she's home. It's the only way we will survive. Because she doesn't care at all. I knew it would be hard; keeping my shit together and keeping my mouth shut is going to be hard.

[This message edited by Thefishman37 at 5:27 PM, July 7th (Friday)]

I shouldn't be so nice but I've got two kids that I think need to see their father be a reasonable decent human being no matter how much I hurt.

Your wife seems so caught up in her alternative life style right now that you should strike while the iron is hot in terms of divorcing her - she's deep in the fog and would probably give you most of what you ask for. Fight for the rest.

Sounds like she is a questionable mother w personal and parental decisions she is making - at least a good attorney could make the case and if your home is connected to your job - the rest of settling is easy.

She's not getting better - she doesn't want to. And her brokenes is long term and deep. I don't think you're a typical cheater situation - it's severe.

You need to do what you can to protect the daughter from her mom. That is not good.

We did it since we had space where he slept outside our room. It also helped that OW was out of state at the time, though he did text her - she wasn't righ around the corner either.

He also didn't have remorse and grew tired of 'talking about it AGAIN' before I clued in that he wasn't interested in staying.

It was pretty awful really; we had to act for the kids and it just sucked honestly. I wish he would've left on d-day. I say that because since he didn't leave right away, I thought we had a chance...then when I realized we didn't and he stayed because of money, it just didn't help me at all. Oddly, much as he wanted out - I think he was sort of ok with staying. He got to see kids and life wasn't real different, kwim?

As the jilted BS, it sucked and I wouldn't suggest unless you have to!

@wannabenormal that sounds just like my situation. She's getting her cake and eating it too. She is afraid to find a place; today when I said we needed to file ASAP; she said "I thought we would wait till I found a place". I said ....we can still file so we can get this going. You are all right this is going to turn toxic fast. Hell our house is only 1200 sqft; there's no where to hide.

There is no we. She is still deep in the fog. You need to protect yourself and file immediately. I wish I did sooner than later. I'm paying for it now.

You are providing an environment in which it is easy for her to cake eat. Sorry to say man. Most will tell you exposure is necessary, and often what it takes snap them into reality.

She doesn't want anyone to know? Sorry man that's not up to her anymore, and clearly she is not deserving of it. Doesn't make you a bad person and doesn't make you a bad father.

Stop using the word WE, she is using this to her advantage, and manipulating you. I agree with the above, she is not showing quantities of a good mother. She is unremorseful and living in la la land.

I'm not sure what your job is, but it sound oddly familiar to mine. Please, consult an attorney, FILE now to protect yourself, you are getting a glimpse of her crazy and your kid deserve better...

I got lucky. A month after Dday she moved out. She stayed with a friend for 5 months and is now renting a house. The thing is she is still paying half our mortgage (until it sells) and her rent (not cheap). I know how much she makes....she can't keep this up forever....I guarantee she thought and hoped the house would be sold by now....But not my mess, not my clown, not my circus, not my problem. Personally I think she's a fucking idiot when it comes to finances (and many other things) but I'm glad she is. Living with her post Dday for 1 month was absolute hell on Earth! I couldn't imagine how miserable my life would have been if I had to see her everyday. I hardly see her or talk to her now.....and its glorious!

Update fishman?

I'm best when she's not around. I'm headed out of town this week so it will be lots better not having to see her lying face. Do they ever stop projecting their faults onto you to justify their shitty behavior?

And the I lied because I didn't want to hurt you line gets old after a while. I was the expert tonight because I told her the only reason people lie is to protect their own ass....it is not for any one else's benefit.

Sorry I'm rambling.....I need to kick her out.

You've been heard fishman!

First, she's a Wayward, so the short answer is no. You take absolutely no responsibility for her decision to cheat.

She's lower than low, and she knows this, so she projects to justify. In her eyes, you made her a monster, but it's a load of sh**. She is broken, and in the fog. She looks outward, and not inward, please do yourself a favor, and 180, and file immediately.

I can't tell you how many times my WW and STBXW said to me I lied to not hurt you. It's a load of crap. She lied to save face, to manipulate you. They don't even understand that with every lie they tell or every min they fail to be forthcoming, they stick the knife deeper and deeper.

It's still early, you need time to process this, but at the same time you need to snap her out of this fog. You want to do that no? Best way is to 1) Expose and 2) serve her papers. Watch her reaction!

Please find IC. Head to the healing library, talk to a chaplain, PM me. It appears our situation is oddly similar (many will tell you that here). Use SI, you can get through this, and you can come out of this on top.

I say all this as I'm going through this process myself. I'm finding a new therapist because this divorce process has taken it's toll and IHS has taken me a step back.

Thanks LCS....I started IC a month before D-Day because she suggested that I needed to work on myself. Ironically this is exactly when she stopped going to hers. Of course I was told you only get out of therapy what you put into it and it only works if you're honest. Then I find out she was lying or leaving out large details with her therapist.

The process will be started tomorrow because I can't wait or take another day with this woman as my wife. She doesn't deserve that title.

Right now I can't PM because I'm not a full member yet.

However I feel like this forum saved my sanity and I'm grateful for it. Knowing that others are going through the same crap and surviving some how puts that light at the end of the tunnel. I told my Dad the other day and he looked so disappointed; even though I know it wasn't in me, it still felt that way.

I'll be checking in on you often, as I'm going through something very similar myself. Funny enough, well not funny at all, my DDay was also around my anniversary.

Also, after first DDay, WW went into IC. She too was also lying, and leaving out large details. Lying by omission is also lying. She's a huge manipulator, a typical serial WW. Worst part is she tried for months to get me to MC after her IC. I finally agreed and when I go, she ask for my side of the story (something that was missing). I didn't even have or know most of it, but what I did tell her was new to the therapist, and my WW had that deer in the headlights look. She tried to manipulate the therapist, by not divulging everything, just enough to make her seem bad but not really the monster she had become.

Be strong, check in, write updates, anything at all, write it out, it helps.

I can relate to what you said about telling your father. I told my parents, and they feel very against divorce, that I should work it out for the kids (I had tried to do that many times before). It hurts knowing they still engage with her and that they are disappointed by circumstances but I can't ask them to choose sides, because of their grandkids. I don't blame them but to be honest I wish they would call and say from now on we will cut her out, and we have your back, and if we need something from the kids it will go through you.

Please file, I waited far to long, and I regret it. She is unworthy of R, and quite honestly not marriage not being a safe partner I think she at this moment is incapable of doing.

Stay busy, start reading, do things you always wanted to do, pick up old hobbies, discover yourself. Use this time wisely. I know it's tough to do, but honestly start to detach. Keep your mind busy, it will help.

Do not play the pick me dance. Meaning, do not do things in hopes she will come back to you, notice, or decide you somehow now after all she's done are better all of a sudden. Do not compete. She is not worth it. She is no prize.

How you doing fish?

How you doing fish?