SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Reading your posts I realize that your WW weren't twins separated at birth. They were in fact triplets and the third one was my WH!!!

I am two years out from D-day and I am doing much better, but he still occupies a lot of head space at times and I still find a lot of triggers (even though I live in a different country now and have little contact.)

The A was a deal breaker for me and I am very proud of the 180 I did when I discovered it. I kept thinking: think of how you want to look back years from now at how you handled it. Hold your head up high and take a 'you're dead to me' attitude. But sometimes I wonder if the way I handled it still impedes my healing. I refused to become a blubbering mess and didn't ask the usual questions. Plus, I knew they would all be lies. But now, two years later, I'm still somewhat in shock. I'd like to think that he's just somebody that I used to know, but really, did I ever even know him? Because the man I thought I knew would never throw away the life we built together for a skanky hoe. He would never choose to party all night with a gross stripper and sleep in so late he needs a wake up call when he's two hours late to pick up his 7 year old for visitation. (at friggin' NOON!!!!) He would never hurt me, the one person he knew 100% had his back. He would never walk away from a stable, loyal woman who has her sh*t together to a bipolar, freak (covered covered from head to toe in nasty tattoos) with a criminal record!!!

And the odd time we do have to talk, he's thinks he's my friend?!!! I'm a good person, but hell no, he's not my friend.

In my eyes, what he did to me and our DD should be criminal. He robbed me financially and violated me physically by putting me at risk for STDs. But even more so, he committed fraud. He led me to believe that we were a team and would be together forever. Heck, the week before DDay we were on beach vacation and he was pointing out beach houses for us when we retire!

Though his reputation has suffered and I'm not quite sure how he can show his face around town (the OW is that skanky), I'm still waiting for the karma train to run him over. For now, he's engaged to said loser and is blissfully happy while I focus on rebuilding my life and future.

So yeah, I guess he's just somebody that I thought I knew...just sad that I wasted 15 years with a complete loser.

desertwells,

The A was a deal breaker for me and I am very proud of the 180 I did when I discovered it. I kept thinking: think of how you want to look back years from now at how you handled it.

I'd always believed it was deal breaker. I guess with kids and the fear of letting go, my philosophy wavered a bit. But I'm realizing that my initial belief was and still is correct. Infidelity is a deal break. Not saying R sometime later isn't possible. But best both do work, not as a couple, then maybe come back to the table to see where we are.

And the odd time we do have to talk, he's thinks he's my friend?!!! I'm a good person, but hell no, he's not my friend.

Yeah, I can't fathom still being friends with someone that treated me that way. I know I wouldn't do that to a friend. So no way I could accept that.

I'd always believed it was deal breaker. I guess with kids and the fear of letting go, my philosophy wavered a bit.

Mine did too at times. I can totally see how people would at least try to R. And I do think couples can survive an A but for us it wasn't an option because he didn't want to, which was a blessing for me. In the last 6 months of our marriage, he started to party A TON, and not just drinking. I thought it was because his business partner was dying and it was hitting him hard so I backed away for a bit but right before DDay I was ready to leave because I couldn't support his new lifestyle. So the A was the icing on the cake, though by the time I discovered it I was pretty much done with him.

Sorry, I seem to really be venting here...

desertwells,

I can totally see how people would at least try to R. And I do think couples can survive an A but for us it wasn't an option because he didn't want to, which was a blessing for me.

I hung on way too long even though I knew she had checked out. You'd think letting go would be easy. But the A has pretty much decimated me. No chance for R. Well, for a brief moment she said she wanted to R. But that was more likely because she didn't have any other option. Play the game or live on her own and struggle. Her only worry now is whether or not she can survive on her own. That and preserving her image. No thought about the pain and devastation she has caused.

Sorry, I seem to really be venting here...

By all means, vent away.