SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I mean this in the nicest way possible:

Fuck her

This is in no way your fault. She is the one that cheated. She is the one that blew everything up. She is the one that fucked up, not you. So if she loses out some way because of that, too bad.

ETA - It does suck that your kids lose out spending time with her but again, not your fault.

^^^^^^^^^^^This x10000000! I think it's interesting he is a FWS too! Nice to see some people realize the damage and destruction they caused.

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 1:51 PM, August 3rd (Thursday)]

ff4152,

You are the fabled WS that "gets it". I really don't have much to add but, I know. Fuck her. She shat her bed. Let her lie in it. I know it's early on, I can't help but worry and feel bad about how the fallout will affect the kids.

squid

Fabled? I didn't realize I had such noteriety!

Seriously though, I so sorry for what you're going through. We WS are so self-absorbed and selfish that we forget thet our children can also pay a heavy price for our stupidity.

I wish you peace and hope things start looking up for you and yours.

ff4152,

Fabled? I didn't realize I had such noteriety!

As Han Solo says, "Don't get cocky!"

Every BS here wishes their WS just suddenly got it right after d-day. But sadly, for most of us, that day never comes. I'm stuck now in limbo wondering if she'll ever get it. Obviously, I'm not going to wait much longer.

Our 1st week of separation is almost over. The D train will begin it's proper prepping for departure this weekend.

squid,

I've followed your story a bit and I'm amazed that you've stuck around this long. I say this with all sincerity, WS should be grateful for any grace shown by their BS. If the WS chooses to piss all over that, honestly they don't deserve any future consideration.

TBH, I am a big fan of reconciliation. I really hope that you filing pulls your wife's head out of her ass. That she moves heaven and earth to do what's necessary to help you both heal from this.

Or maybe it does nothing. In which case thats a "good" thing too because it gets this toxic person out of your life. You're clearly a good man who doesn't deserve this shit.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not hoping she comes around. But at this point nearly all hope has left the building. It's time.

A few months ago she got grilled by her parents over the A and she told them that she didn't want to be with me any more - that R wasn't possible. Obviously, they were really upset and totally sided with me. After I was done speaking with them she said, "Sure, you're glad the way that call went because you got what you wanted."

Sounds like someone who just doesn't get it. As if screwing with someone else isn't a big deal.

Nothing like being lied to for 20 years, and losing half of everything I have in D.

Fixed it for you.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not hoping she comes around. But at this point nearly all hope has left the building. It's time.

Same here squid. But I don't want her to come around to R. I want her to come around so she clearly understands this was all her doing and how much she hurt me and the kids. I also want her to realize why I can never trust her or be her friend. I want her to learn from this decision (it was not a mistake, it was her decision). That if she meets someone else this is not how you treat people. If you're unhappy you "man" up and tell your partner. If you're unhappy you leave or at least try EVERY OPTION possible before calling it quits. Above all else I want her to understand Cheating did not accomplish anything beneficial for anyone (including her). I know she hates what she did. (i think most WS do) She just won't admit it(like most WS).

Same here squid. But I don't want her to come around to R. I want her to come around so she clearly understands this was all her doing and how much she hurt me and the kids. I also want her to realize why I can never trust her or be her friend. I want her to learn from this decision (it was not a mistake, it was her decision). That if she meets someone else this is not how you treat people.

I'd settle for her just realizing how much pain she has caused. But she doesn't want to fact that.

I told my office administrator today what's happening in my life. I've known this woman for 12 years. She's seen my kids grow up. We've been to each other's houses. We're like a big family at our firm.

She just sat in stunned silence. She came to the same conclusions as most. WW hates her life. She's running away what she thinks is making her unhappy. But really, the unhappiness is within herself. Just sad.

I've been right there, at her side, all along. She could just reach out to me. Instead, she's running from me because I remind her of the version of herself that she can't stand to look at. And that strategy simply worked out swimmingly for her.

I also want her to realize why I can never trust her or be her friend.

That's always the nice cherry on the top of the shit sandwich they serve you. They treat you like pond scum then expect you to still be friends afterwards.

I don't treat friends like that and I won't accept being treated like that by a friend. Bless and release.

Amen Squid! Blows my mind why they think we would want to be friends.

That's always the nice cherry on the top of the shit sandwich they serve you. They treat you like pond scum then expect you to still be friends afterwards.

I don't treat friends like that and I won't accept being treated like that by a friend. Bless and release.

Mine just brought this shit up again tonight. I asked what kind of friend did she see me as? Because friendship has mutual benefits and if she couldn't talk to me before what would we talk about now? How much she fucked our lives up? I'm pretty sure the friendship train left the station as soon as another man's dick pulled into v-town, throat junction, or ass land.

I will say this too....I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when I see her in public. I made a few comments the other night in mixed company something along the lines of: "is that the guy your fucking" and "those condoms I bought are for you so I don't catch your diseases", yeah I got slapped hard for that one. But God damn it felt good getting under her skin. Highly inappropriate, I know. I am still finding it hard to keep my anger out of it when I see her acting all happy and shit with everyone while out and about.

I am still finding it hard to keep my anger out of it when I see her acting all happy and shit with everyone while out and about

Yeah. I can't help but see how detestably fake she is now when hanging out with friends and family. As if nothing has happened. No biggie. Just cheated on my husband. Lied to my children. I can't live that lie anymore.

Mine just brought this shit up again tonight. I asked what kind of friend did she see me as? Because friendship has mutual benefits and if she couldn't talk to me before what would we talk about now? How much she fucked our lives up? I'm pretty sure the friendship train left the station as soon as another man's dick pulled into v-town, throat junction, or ass land.

Amen Fishman....My WW told me "You should show some common decency to your son, and treat me with respect when you're around me. I simply said "Oh you wanna talk about common decency and respect?...." and I was ready to let loose on her. But she just stopped me and said "No we're not talking about that". Yea she can tell me I'm not a decent person but heaven forbid we talk about how she disrespected me and our family. For the record, I simply ignore her as much as possible when I'm around her. I only focus/interact with my kids. If she asks me a question I answer it. I'm civil to her but I'm not nice to her.

We're supposed to attend our DS17's orientation together this Thursday. I'm a little anxious about it. It's the first time we'll be seeing each other since she moved out. Same for DS12 next week. I guess I have to put on my happy face and keep up appearances.

I'm wondering if I should inform the school in some way. Not about the affair but that there's a family crisis (separation) happening at home and that it may affect the DS's in school.

Thoughts?

I am not going to lie. These occasions can be difficult and unpleasant. My stbxh was fine to pretend that everything was normal. I treated it in a very businesslike way. Not chatty. Just about the kids. I chose to inform the school re my two sons and the separation. They were very blase about it. It happens so much. I was concerned about my boys acting out but it hasn't happened yet. They maintained good grades and pleasant attitudes for 14 year old boys.

Hoping things go well for you, Squid.

I'm wondering if I should inform the school in some way. Not about the affair but that there's a family crisis (separation) happening at home and that it may affect the DS's in school.

I definitely did this as soon as WXH left the house. We are in a small town and I'm close to the school administrators and teachers and they kept a close eye on DS, especially as it was his senior year. I wanted to make sure that if he made the slightest movement toward one that they recognized it and gave him the time he needed. I think it was all good.

SuperDaddy,

Squid and OhFor....you are stronger than your words project. I have followed both of your stories. I gravitated towards them bc 1) you both reached out to me when I posted in JFO and 2) your stories are similiar to mine. I feel like all 3 of our WWs were very similiar women. You both are further along than you think. I admire how both of you have handled your situations and have been able to always ensure your kids are still and always will be your #1 priority. Like many of us, you were kicked down, beaten down, spit at, laughed at, and humiliated by another human being. You are slowly getting up, dusting yourself off, licking your wounds and taking back control of your lives. You gentlemen, have been an inspiration to me and many others. Please keep posting! Nothing helps me heal better than to see other Fathers/Husbands that have gone through a similiar story and have come back stronger than before (just like both of you have portrayed). So Thank You....Both of you.....Onward and Upward!

(Didn't want to T/J ohfor's thread so I posted here.)

I can't say I FEEL strong. In fact, I feel downright shredded at the moment. I'm having a tough time lately holding my head up. I keep trying to reassure myself that it's not me, it's her. That I've done all that I could to save our M. That I'm not crazy or that I was always enough. But my self esteem has taken a near-fatal blow.

I'm trying to squarely deal with the cognitive dissonance of seeing who my WW really is vs who I thought she was and still hoping that the "old her" will return, while trying to fully accept that she will not. I struggle with knowing that I've been treated horribly these past 3 years, culminating in the horror show of this year, yet I still harbor hope for R. Why? I guess full acceptance is a knock-down, drag-out, internal battle. And that's what I feel like. Like I'm at war with myself. And there are serious casualties.

I'm nearing my 6 month mark. Did anyone else who's been here feel like they're on a continuous loop? Like the rollercoaster was just as much a hamster wheel? Or a really pathetic version of "Groundhog Day". That's how I feel. I feel like I'm nearing a breaking point. When does that end?

I skipped IC last week as well as my men's group meeting. I've got an IC appointment this evening. Hopefully that will help.

I accidentally saw WW this weekend. We were leaving to do our grocery run and she drove by the house. I asked the kids if that was her. They weren't sure. But sure enough, she appeared down the street, stopping at a street corner, then slowly backed away out of our view. I drove down to meet her and she said she was stopping by to get some lunches for this week and thought we left already. She later texted that she was sorry that she didn't time it better so that I didn't have to see her. I'm thinking she realizes this separation is as much for my healing as anything else.

She wants to arrange a way that she can drop by and say goodbye in person to DD18 before we drive her up to college. I'm not going to restrict that. It's her right to see off our 1st born.

I have to say, I still miss her. And that's the hard part. I don't know if that's love or withdrawal. But that hurt just won't go away.

I don't know if I'm getting any better. I suppose it's going to get even worse before it gets better, especially with D looming. I will say my dark spells seem like they don't last as long. But then I take a step or two backwards, before I right myself and press on. I wish I had a road map. Because I feel lost.

On a lighter note, I've started a new hobby - DIY woodworking. It's something I've been eyeing for quite some time. I bought a budget-friendly miter saw and a work bench and rearranged the garage this weekend. I've begun to break down some pallets I scored from CL and I plan to build some furniture for the boys' rooms. I'm going to let them help me plan build some desks and shelving. Lord knows I need else to focus on. Hopefully we can make some fun, fond memories through this shitty time.

Peace,

squid