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Very good advice. We are now in house separation. first day. will update and ask for more support if anything changes. Never done separation before, so we shall see....

Bratwurst00

You've been dealing with this for about 4 months now and it's become very intense in August. You realize your wife is in the land of Unicorns and keep hoping she will come out of it and realize she wants to save her marriage. Meanwhile, I don't think I've seen such a blatant case of the cheater throwing the affair in her husbands face.

I understand you want to R, but by holding back and accommodating her you are enabling her affair. Whether she leaves or stays is up to her and the same goes for you. Meanwhile you are now setting the stage for R, if it occurs. If you keep letting her do as she pleases, she will set the terms for R and treat you like a lap dog.

A few times you mentioned her leaving and you said you will help her pack or buy her a ticket. She then backed off and you said you didn't understand. In the land of Unicorns cheaters don't see beyond the affair. When she thought of packing or getting on an airplane, that was reality, an action that will change the future. That's why she backed off.

You don't have to remember all of the rules for the 180. Keep your answers to a question to as few words as possible, don't talk about anything you don't have to, no lunches, dinners or outings that aren't necessary. You're going to give her a taste of what it's like for you to be gone, divorced.

we are in in house seperation. She keeps talking to me and wanting me to go out with my daughter as a family. I dont know what to say. I feel she is using my daughter. I cant say no to my little girl. she would be dissappointed. At a loss. I know everything my WS tells me is BS. I feel so mindfucked.

Also D-day was four weeks ago.

Brat - your WW has told you she is having an affair with another man and she is not going to stop.

There is only one thing to do - file for D. There are no circumstances under which a man should accept that and stay married (unless you both desire by mutual agreement to have an open marriage).

This doesn't mean you will ultimately divorce. A lot will happen between filing and the final outcome. But there is no better way to stand up for yourself and put things on the right track - be it a track to D or a track that blows up her world and makes her realize she wants a real R with you.

All this takes is strength from within you. I am joining the rest of the group here to IMPLORE you to reach deep down and find that strength to stand up for yourself and do what needs to be done.

Good luck to you my friend.

With all due respect, your little girl is going to be FAR more disappointed when she finds out that her Dad allowed her Mom to walk all over him. I'm sorry to be so blunt but it appears that you're not catching on very fast.

Your wife is out of the marriage. She may be married to you on paper but, other than that, you're just a roommate.

She wants for you to go out with them "as a family?" Guess what? You're no longer a family. And you need to tell her exactly that.

You've already gotten the advice. It's time to file and, possibly, save your marriage. Why? It will change the dynamic that is clearly in need of change. Even more importantly, as I've said in previous posts, you will never be able to live with yourself down the road when you realize that you've been enabling your wife to cheat on you.

Step up. It's hard but you can do it.

why act as a family when she is into the OM and you are seeking divorce ?

This isn't an issue where she should be working on 'image'. This is your life. If she has never met him or had a PA, she needs to dump him immediately.

I don't know your attorney's angle. On the other hand, you are setting yourself up for failure.

She has mindfucked you and now is planning to finish the job.

What is your status with the potential divorce ?

Is she that far gone ?

In house separation and she's still focsued on hi ?? Not good

I honestly have no idea where she stands. I am in process of finding a couple more lawyers as you guys have suggested. I have only met with one and have the other two scheduled for next week. I have already determined that filing for D is the best step. It just takes some time now. I just have a hard time during this in house seperation because of the mind fuck she is doing on me.

I honestly have no idea where she stands.

Sorry, I'm late to the party.

You know EXACTLY where she stands: She wants the attention of the other man, AND you. She's told you in no uncertain terms, both in words and deeds, that she isn't going to stop with OM.

So that gives you two choices for YOU to do(and only two): Accept the OM in your life, or divorce.

What you have been doing is called the "pick-me dance," aka trying to "nice" your WW back. Neither work. EVER. As others have said, she's in the land of unicorns and rainbows. The only way to get her out of that is by shock and awe tactics.

See what happened when she threatened you and you called her on it? Told her you'd pack for her? She backed down ASAP. She wants the comfort of the home you have, the support you provide ($, dinner, babysitting, etc.) and the facade of being one big happy family. She backed down when you started to show her reality - want to leave? OK. There's the door. Suddenly reality is crashing in on unicorn/rainbow land.

So what she does, is to placate you: Doesn't leave, wants to go to MC to see "if we can work it out," gives you ambiguous answers about staying marriage. You need to start listening to her words, not her actions.

What does "in house separation" mean in your case? Have you moved her out of the bedroom? Have you drafted up a child custody schedule? Have you laid out who is responsible for what bills? Is there a formal (signed and notarized) agreement in place?

If not, nothing has changed, regardless of what you think. To her, it's the same 'ol, same 'ol.

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