SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just out of curiosity, is there anyone here who got divorced and regrets it? I think sharing the pain and experiences might help those who are struggling with the decision.

So many of us agonize over the decision. We hang on, hoping the cheater will see the error of his/her ways and return to their previous selves. We wait and we fear and we despair and we mourn and we question.

And some of us hang on for years, still hoping and dreaming and forgiving and rationalizing before we finally realize we've had enough.

And some of us don't.

We all have our reasons. Our finances, our families, our ages, etc. are all factors so there's no one size fits all answer so it's a huge mind-muddle when we're in the middle of it.

But in the end, how many regret the D?

[This message edited by josiep at 10:29 AM, August 28th (Monday)]

Yes and no.

Yes- she was the love of my life. It still takes my breath away to be divorced from her. She was the wife of my youth and there are still memories.

No- despite her religious fanaticism, she is a toxic person. I feel sorry for her. But I am remarried to a woman who is my best friend and we just love being together. Very easy to be with and talk to. My life has improved.

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 10:34 AM, August 28th (Monday)]

I guess some do.

I guess some don't.

I know for sure some wish they had divorced much sooner.

I wish I had never been put in a position where I needed to divorce, but that's not the same thing.

Is there a particular reason you ask this?

I wish I would have had some say in it. Any say. Any type of choice. I envy those who do.

No regrets at all. My proudest moment is that I decided immediately that D is what I wanted and I never wavered from that track. He didn't try too hard for R anyway, I think it was an exit A on his part.

Nope. I do miss the intimacy with a man, both physical and emotional. Divorce was the best thing, really the only thing in my sitch. Glad I did it, doubt I'll ever regret it even if I die alone. He was just not worth the hassle of a fight over him with whore and then trying to R... I'd be a mess an horrible at R. I have trust/fear issues now I can't imagine how bad they'd be in R.

I feel the pang of wasted years because I didn't seek D sooner. Does that count?

We hang on, hoping the cheater will see the error of his/her ways and return to their previous selves. We wait and we fear and we despair and we mourn and we question.

And I've come to the realization that my WW's "previous self" was always the person she was when she cheated. Things like poor personal boundaries, character issues, constant need for validation; I just didn't see it back then.

I was put in the position of trying to fix a relationship with someone that has those flaws and see them go through the agonizing process of personal change. I am expected to put a bunch of energy and effort into repairing something I didn't break all the while dealing with the fallout of being betrayed. Her A inserted a ton of new issues to contend with. I see how the M changed after the A and it's definitely not the M I envisioned years ago. There are a lot of lingering issues and I see that R is really a lifelong process. I'm not sure if that's something I can live with forever.

It's a very personal journey to divorce. When you KNOW you know, all the knowledge in your head falls to your heart and it's just over. That looks very different from person to person.

Divorcing, for me, was a life saver, literally. My only regret in that arena is that I was not able to do it sooner.

I wish I would have had some say in it. Any say. Any type of choice. I envy those who do.

I don't know, if getting jerked around in false R for years or realizing much later it was a deal breaker means having a choice, I'm glad I didn't have one. Her refusing to R was a blessing in disguise, it saved me years of heartache. I don't envy those that feel its a dealbreaker but have kids they don't want to disappoint, or those that want to R for one reason or another but have spouses that are half assing it.

I loved her and try to dedicate the 24 years we were together making her happy. I was prepared to be with her forever and I even gave her the gift of Reconciliation.

But as her mind grew more twisted, trying to blame me for her own destructive behavior, focusing on her pain as she lashed out at our daughter in the cruelest ways possible, I had to demand a divorce as the only way to save myself from getting pulled into a death spiral with her.

Zero regrets, except for the pain our DD has had to endure, but even that is really her Mom's doing.

And I wish I didn't have to work five years longer to retire and could have kept the $200,000 I paid her to be rid of her.

I don't regret getting D. I spent 5 years in false R, while he was continuing to gaslight me and cheat repeatedly. It was extremely abusive and I become a shell of a person. My anxiety was so bad that I could hardly function.

So, I think it most likely depends on the situation. I really didn't have a choice but to D. He wouldn't stop cheating and for my mental well-being I had to leave him. I can't ever regret that. I never wanted to be D, I doubt anyone does. I didn't want to be forced to miss out on days with my kids. But, I had to do what I had to do in order to be the best mom I could be for them. And, to become healthy for myself.

Not...one...bit. I divorced my 1st H...who was a serial cheater...and then married a WONDERFUL man. After being married for 28 years...my 2nd H cheated on me too by having NSA sex with a stranger while working overseas for a few months.

I have a distinctive insight into these two types of cheaters...and I can tell for ME...that I made the right CHOICE to D my 1st H...and also I made the right CHOICE to R with my 2nd .

My 1st H told my sister a few years ago that he wished we would have still been married. Too bad...so sad...for HIM .

I didn't have any choice in our divorce. I do regret that the divorce has affected the format of our family. I do feel a lot of relief of not having to deal with my exWw in many ways but I still have feelings of hoping things could be different. I again dont think I have any choice in that matter. She is behaving like a fool. Overall I dont regret a divorce I couldn't stop but I don't regret letting her go to the extent I have.

no not a chance. Best thing I ever did. My kids are both adults now and I have survived just fine.

No regrets for me, personally, but I do regret the fallout on the kids. They will likely never have a relationship with their father, and that is sad. But that is more regret over ex's behavior rather than the D itself (his behavior has created far more damage than the D ever will, but it was that behavior that led to the D).

Divorcing my ex was, by far, one of the healthiest (physically and mentally) things I ever did.

I don't know why anyone would regret getting away from a lying, backstabbing cheater. Never heard of that before. What are you suppose to miss? The lack of trust or lack of respect in the marriage? As fun as playing infidelity police is, there are far more constructive purposes for life. People spend so much time, money and emotional turmoil trying to fix selfish. Good luck. I think many are just scared of change, but really all that follows is just a new normal.

I'm 100% with Randy.

I did not agonize over the decision to D after D day. He showed me who he really was with his lying and cheating. I couldn't get away fast enough.

My only regret is that I ever met and married him. Never one regret on ending the marriage.

Absolutely no regrets on divorcing him. Regret marrying him. Life is so much better now. Met with a long-lost friend tonight who just keep complimenting me on how radiant and happy I am. It's amazing what life away from a cheater does.

I don't know why anyone would regret getting away from a lying, backstabbing cheater.

As usual, I agree with Randy 100%.

I don't regret for ONE SECOND divorcing my serial cheating first husband.

Nor do I regret years later booting my 2nd serial cheater out the door after living together for 3 years.

I personally think life is too damned short to eat shit sandwiches for the rest of my life and have to occasionally monitor my cheater to make sure they're being 'good.' Screw that.

Does anyone regret getting Divorce?

Well, not me.

No. No. No. 100 times no. But I probably should have done it at least 3 years sooner than I did.