SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone.

Well I was having a good day today. Even managed a hug from the W but ive blown it again.

Walked in when she was on the phone and she clicked off her Whatsapp and I could help asking.

Shes had enough of my Qs so 1 more and its done.

Shes seen a solicitor earlier this week so Im on my last legs.

Im 99pc sure its in my head but coincidences just keep happening and its driving me nuts.

Her findmyphone app put her in the forest on Friday and I had a meltdown. I hope it was just an error.

And I noticed the morning before the poly she turned off her gps and google location so am worried she did go there with a bribe.

And on whatsapp they are still 80pc of the time online within 3 mins of each other. But she must suspect I can read them by now. I cant as i feel bad for that and if i get caught its game over.

The ap called me and was v kind and understanding. Seemed genuine but i guess i just cant tell.

She really needs her space which is so hard because im desperate for closeness and love.

She wont see a MC as she thinks its just me abusing her and i need to sort it myself.

Really sh1t situation but if i can stick to not asking anymore questions we may just be ok.

But I need to quash these 1pc doubts b4 its too late.

Advice please wise people :)

R xxx

Schedule IC for yourself to demonstrate that you are seriously having doubts (and not just trying to abuse her) and that you are serious about changing your behavior.

Also, you need to give her space so this situation does not become a self-fulfilling prophecy like another poster suggested. I wish you the best in getting through these trying times.

[This message edited by KingRat at 3:37 PM, September 30th (Saturday)]

Shes had enough of my Qs so 1 more and its done.

Ask another question, then show her the door with a " don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya" .

Even if all of these things are coincidences( I'm inclined to think they are not) her empathy to try to help you see that they are not isn't there at all. You're going to go nuts if you have to stay with her and can't question anything, it just gives her carte blanche to do whatever she wishes.

[This message edited by RubixCubed at 7:48 PM, September 30th (Saturday)]

Hi all

Well it's been a while so I thought I'd post a little update.

Things are calming down now somewhat.

I'm sorting my head out and have started beleiving mainly through the way my wife is acting (and has been acting for the past 2 years while I suspected things are going on) that nothing ever happened.

She is still loving (when I'm not accusing), she adores our children, is a genuinely good person, she has never been cold or not wanting to talk about everyday life (in fact she talks too much :)), or any of the other classic behavioural signs of infidelity.

Our sex life never changed drastically in frequency, and she never threw any new tricks in or wanted to try new things.

Also the AP's sister in law told the AP's wife that I spoke to her about my concerns, and the AP's wife has contacted my wife to say how sorry she feels for her, and she knows nothing happened.

TO put into context, she is an intellegent woman, who has a lot of spark, so I would assume she would be aware and non too happy if she had any doubts whatsoever.

We are starting to get our relationship back, but I do keep ruining things with sparodic perids of questioning when I lose my resolve.

So I'm stuck in a situation where I have doubts, purely through the circumstancial 'evidence' that I have seen.

Mainly the whatsap coincidences, boxer shorts, LDT (e.g. her looking up a map on the morning before she did it and 5 mins before AP was online on whatsap - also two hours before she called me to look up where we were going for the LDT) and several white lies).

I'm working to try to put these out of my head, and think I should just delete everything and move forward - but it's still difficult not knowing 100%.

My W get's upset and says if you love someone you should just trust in them and know they would never hurt you.

Very much like she does with me despite some admittedly suspicious circumstances over the years.

I'm still looking for definitive proof though all the time (whih I know I will never get) but I hope it will subside.

So all...what are your thoughts?

They'd be greatly appreciated

R :)

x

The only thing I want to add is that nobody deserves complete trust. I am somewhat up on your story and I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

If your wife is having an affair, she will be caught sooner or later. Your antenna are up and you are aware. Let it rest, it is beyond your control. If your wrong and you keep accusing her that could ruin your wife's trust in your judgement.

Let it go. Keep your eyes open. Don't confront your wife again without irrefutable evidence. Just don't.

A couple of things. One, married women don't need to use whatsapp. That is for children and cheaters. Married honest people use regular text messaging. Second, if you are uncomfortable in any way with this other dude being in your lives then he's got to go. That's mutual respect. I had a work buddy that was a female. We did the "work wife, work husband" labels. She was married. I swear to God we were just friends, not one tiny scrap of anything else to it. We were just good friends, albeit opposite sex friends. Her husband started not to like it. She told me the next day at work after he had talked to her that he was uncomfortable with our friendship and asked me what my opinion was. I said I can fully respect your husband's point of view and that if he's uncomfortable then that's it. We'll be professional and cordial to each other but our outside of work friendship should be over. She agreed and we still work together today but have never had any non-work related interactions or conversations since. Your wife needs to respect your marriage and if there's a friend of hers that you're not comfortable with then that friendship should be ended. Same goes for you and I'm sure you're more than willing to respect that same boundary. The marital relationship should come first, above ALL other relationships.

Hi Richard

how is it all going I am hoping it is all good news and it is coincidental actions that meant nothing as these things can really send a guy around the bend

good luck and all the best with everything