SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You have only been married on paper since 2011. After the affair started you have been the babysitter, handyman. and financial provider - not her husband. You are her Plan B. The fallback guy when Plan A failed.

Why would you want her back? What would you gain? Obviously you cannot believe a word she says, even now. You can never trust her again with all the lies she has fed you over the years.

4 years of horrible sex...

and I've got some water from Mars to sell you.

Your wife over four years probably had sex numerous times. Some might have been average but best believe the thrill and rush of meeting up made the experience exciting.

Best of luck of to you.

Sorry your here my man

So she was banging her FB scumbag & having horrible sex for a couple years then stopped for a year she then decided to give it another chance having horrible sex with her scumbag FB for another year.

My BS meter is at its highest level. You have to believe that she was about to get outed thus the reason for the partial confession which you managed to pull out more facts after numerous rounds with MRS TT.

Your Fuk-in A she wants to get over this as the FB is not going to support her. You although not her number 1 sex partner are good for the stable life, babysitting when required, household projects & paying the bills.

Seriously dude she is minimising her effort in the A and the FB is labeled as a douche bag so what does that make your WW.

I would just D the bitch and let her stew in her self made pot of shit she cooked up. Bad enough getting cheated on but to have a FB for horrible sex would be emasculating to me personally.

Sending strength my man. SI has your back

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 4:27 AM, October 10th (Tuesday)]

I'm glad that you arn't ready to make a decision. That you are taking things slow. I agree with others that her story seems sketchy... I don't think you are getting the whole truth and that what you are getting is vastly watered down... yes we had sex for several months but I didn't like it and twice I said no....??? I also don't understand why she suddenly decided to tell you...guilt doesn't normally kick in to the point of confession months after the deed...then she's so guilty she MUST confess... but only tiny bits that you have to force out of her over several weeks. How can the guilt be so great that you HAVE to confess but then only confess to a kiss...It doesn't seem like a guilt wrought confession. It's TT and it's what people do when they know they have been caught.

Anyway, having your wife read a book like "how to help your spouse heal might help. She needs to know that if you do decide to reconcile and you find out more (even one more night at a hotel, or sex in the car or a BJ) it will severly damage any change you have at reconcile. That you can't take the TT truth any longer.

My guess is that the OBS caught them and told your WW that she needed to tell you or that she (the OBS would). That would account for her (OBS) lack of emotions when you told her.

You might feel that you've heard enough, that it can't get worse or that you don't need to know anymore. The problem is that you can't make a decision if you aren't getting the truth. You can't begin to trust her again if you don't believe what you've been told.

[This message edited by Freeme at 5:38 AM, October 10th (Tuesday)]

She only admitted it because she was about to be exposed by someone else and you are getting trickle truthed to he.

Her boyfriend’s story of course matches up. They have had years of intimate discussions to coordinate it.

She thinks that me "Spying on Her and I was short tempered, " was main reason to cheat as she felt I didn't trust her.

This is typical BSfrom a cheaters perspective. You were "spying "on her because your gut was screaming that there was something going on. You did nothing to cause your wife to fall on his dick. She has piss poor boundries and coping skills . Something inside of her thought it was ok for her to cheat rather than talk to you that there was something amiss in the relationship.

You are getting good advice so far. Do not believe a word that comes out of her mouth. Watch her actions instead. They will tell you the story.

The cheater bad sex story is an attempt to convince the bs that the cheater indeed wasn't guilty of running around and betraying everyone for a bit of selfish fun. Oh no. Instead we should pity them and the suffering they went through having to endure all that terrible sex. My ww tried that tactic on me up until I pointed out that she did indeed run around and betray everyone for selfish fun and that holding up a participation trophy for bad sex didn't cancal out how shed gotten it.

The sex was terrible but worth risking her marriage over. She kept going back. What does this tell you about her value of the marriage?

More than anything , what worries me is effort to hide the affair , boldness/stupidness to continue the relationship when I had the doubts about it,shows attachment to me when she is with him. I often feel she has criminal mind and I pray the god that my kids don't inherit it. Kids are too young and we don't have much support system in US as we are 1st generation immigrants.

She has been crying everyday for since this came out, I haven't shouted at her or shown anything suggests that I am angry, because nothing affects her, why I destroy myself?

This is the second time it happened to me , first time it was my girl friend of 3 years. She did the same , wanted to comeback , never let her in.

I am not committed anymore, I am free, don't have to hold back anything.

Since her family is involved, she might be revengeful, may repeat the same thing. I am just letting her go, keep the relationship on till the kids get older.

waryaries, ok, so you're currently separated. I think this is actually a good thing. You can work towards either D or R without any undue pressure.

One thing I might say is to not let anyone talk you into anything. If you need more time, take all the time you want. If you reach the point where both you and your WW are ready to love each other again and have a meaningful relationship, then work towards R. But if you find that her conduct is so unacceptable and you feel better being away from her, then D. I know this is all obvious, but many people for any number of reasons do what the feel they are supposed to do and not what they want to do. And right now, this is all about what's best for you and you alone.

I wish you well.

The love is gone , as of now , no guarantee it will change for better. I don't have any future plans other than kids being happy. She is back to normal but I am not.

Before marriage I had enough encounters and was 100% committed to marriage, on the other hand she never had any experience before marriage.

So told her many times , if she wants get physical with anyone it is okay with me , just let me know in advance.I didn't attach any value to carnal temptations and if she wanted she could do it and be emotionally faithful to me. She was never interested in that option.

But Now I think she was more interested in the cheap thrill and excitement she derived of this forbidden fruit rather than being honest and respectful to oneself.

Funny thing is we were always described as the model couples in our group, people were jealous of us

If your separated are you still living in the same house? Does she think your separated?

She is back to normal but I am not.

When did you tell her she could be with other people? Was that before the cheating or after it?

We are living in the same house due to Kids. I told her before, during and after the affair.

So really its not so much about her having sex with someone else. Its the fact she lied and continued to deceive you?

Had she been honest you would have allowed it ?

Had she been honest you would have allowed it ?

Yes, 100% . No questions as long as she takes enough precautions. At this stage I am done with thoughts of conquest. I was looking for real love.

It is not an blank check either , just enough for her to experience the other as she never had anyone before marriage.

Had she been honest you would have allowed it ?

Yes, 100% . No questions as long as she takes enough precautions. At this stage I am done with thoughts of conquest. I was looking for real love.

It is not an blank check either , just enough for her to experience the other as she never had anyone before marriage.

Yes, 100% . No questions as long as she takes enough precautions.... It is not an blank check either , just enough for her to experience the other as she never had anyone before marriage.

Does this tell you that she wanted more than just a hall pass(es)?

Does this tell you that she wanted more than just a hall pass(es)?

She wanted to cheat and derive the cheap pleasure out of it so she chose least civilized guy in the pack.

I have asked her to go with him, but she says she will remain single but can never marry AP.

Is there any meet-ups for BS ?

Always up for a good beer!