SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A simple suggestion to people who are reading this:

Never ever ever ever ever ever recommend even a partial aspect of an open marriage without completely understanding everything about it and without vetting it through more than one counselor (preferably one vanilla and one kink-friendly).

For 99.9% of the people considering one or any aspect of one just know it is a very very very bad idea.

I have experience counselling open marriage couples. It almost never ends well.

It was never an open marriage. I found that she was finding new methods of communication when one gets closed , I suggested her this option.

Here is her admission.

2011 - Started causal chat

2012- She was pregnant and this guy worked as her orderly and took care of her stuff. This time they started getting close emotionally, yes, while she was pregnant with my child

Mid -2013- she went back to work.

First time she did was for excitement of forbidden fruit with a lot of planning behind my back.She admitted to planning and executing the stuff. The excitement died down after the first meeting and started not liking the physical aspect of it but loved the attention he was giving.

Second and third time she refused to have sex. Instead chose to giving him HJ in car to keep him happy (5-6 times)

Moved to another company.

This guy was helping her get new job and doing her work after she joined the company.

Once settled down - he started asking for meeting at hotel and she gave in for one last time in 2014 end.

She got another job and she started the realization process.

Stopped going to places with him, but he continued to meet her railway station.

Mid 2015 , she got another job and cut all ties with him as she realized she was taken for a ride and all attention she got was for sex.

AP asked to her in text on the DD day chat" why should this come -up after 2+years of stopping"

I haven't believed the story,what you guys think ? is she reading from cheaters handbook ?

Always up for a good beer!

Yes , me too.

[This message edited by waryaries at 7:51 AM, October 17th (Tuesday)]

It was never an open marriage.

But you suggested that you were open to one.

I'm not implying that ANYTHING here is your fault. My recommendation is to never mention that again to her, and for anyone else reading this to do the same. It doesn't help and can only hurt.

Any pointers on how to detect to false remorse ? My WW is acts very remorseful , tears , apologies etc. I am yet convince myself that this is real.

Her AP is not marriage material at all , like most of the OM. I have not taken a stand and asked her to choose him by all possible means.

AP asked to her in text on the DD day chat" why should this come -up after 2+years of stopping"

Can you explain,please. What " should come up"?

Do you have access to her passwords, email, texts, etc.?

Have you done a recovery on her phone?

I agree with Sharkman and his thoughts on open marriage.

Never do it, never suggest it and never even entertain any aspect of it.

look at Nononsense's description under his profile as an example.

Great guy who I hate talking about without his consent but he put his story up there to help others.

Why do you think the physical part of the affair was so limited considering how long it was going on? Sounds like she fell in love with him while pregnant with your child.

I think you need her to take a poly to see if she is telling you the truth. By telling her she could have sex with other people you were, in effect, telling her you didn’t care or love her. You weren’t “protecting” her.

That begs the question why you are concerned now. Few open marriages last because one of the other partner finds their “true” love.

"As per both's admission A was over 2.5 years ago "

I had access to old chats and that revealed the affair , not a voluntarily confession from WW.

She says she stopped it due to the feeling of guilt and shame . I am not sure what was the trigger.

Ii am not sure what "Western" is talking about ?

By telling her she could have sex with other people you were, in effect, telling her you didn’t care or love her

I was tired of playing cat and mouse game with her. I loved the kids so much and didn't like my WW due to her nature.

The one option I gave to be there for kids was to open up the idea of sex if that was what she wanted.

Now, she tells me that she was in a la la land and didnt know what she was doing (typical ). but after sometime in the affair she realized the AP intention was sex, after feeling guilty about the whole affair she withdrew from it.

I dont believe anything she says now.

[This message edited by waryaries at 9:57 AM, October 17th (Tuesday)]

To Twisted -

She changed phone in 2015 , they always communicated via yahoo mail they thought I didnt have access to . No text, no call , no emails we shared.

But I knew the Yahoo mail details and got this exposed.

what I am talking about is backing up what Sharkman said.

You suggested that you were open to 'open marriage'and I am saying to me, that was a critical mistake. Just mentioning the concept is always a mistake.

My message is more aimed at anyone reading this thread

So would she be okay if you had an affair now for a few years?

So would she be okay if you had an affair now for a few years?

I am sure it will be hell no, if it was during her affair she might have looked away, I feel like that.

Having an affair for myself, never with a committed person, may be after I get out of this one.

Most cheaters cry, promise stuff on the heads/souls of their kids, etc. It means zero.

What count are actions. What specifically has she actually done to demonstrate or prove she can be a safe partner by fixing the problems she had that made choosing an affair acceptable to her?

Most cheaters cry, promise stuff on the heads/souls of their kids, etc. It means zero.

Yes , this happened to me as well. BS, look out for these actions from WS and they mean nothing until they prove otherwise.

have you filed for D?

What do you want to do?

How you doin' waryaries?

I haven't filed for D, I don't want another marriage for sure. My kids are young or too young, they need a family. I may put up with this cheater for some more time. I don't want to any decisions that will affect my kids, they are too young even to understand divorce.

[This message edited by waryaries at 6:53 PM, October 23rd (Monday)]