SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One - Infidelity is almost a guarantee in Western relationships by one partner. It's either you, her or both of ya. It's going to happen.

It doesn't have to happen.

Two - Infidelity is both a symptom of a genetic trait that cannot be cured, and a symptom of a dying/broken/corrupted civilization. In the former (genetic) they'll do it again, guaranteed. It's who they are. In the latter - maybe you can rebuild, but I doubt it. I'm predisposed to Infidelity. Whatever is inside me that flips that switch is a permanent part of my genetic makeup. I will always cheat. I'm not a safe partner and never will be.

What's the gene that causes infidelity? You may be predisposed to infidelity, but that doesn't mean you or anyone else needs to act upon it. You are not an animal. You have free will and can make choices,

Three - Speaking strictly of Western civ. courts, Society, etc. are biased against the male spouse. Loss of children, Economic standing, etc. are things Broken Husbands are almost guaranteed to be nailed with. Along with isolation, vilification, false domestic reports (turned into a criminal) and very little to no emotional support.

This appears to be true. But an anecdote doesn't have to be your life.

Four - Marriage as an institution is not worthwhile for men. There is very little incentives and a lots of risks. I liken it to a prison - Women can get out anytime and be paid for their time spent in there - Men just have to suffer it, or lose virtually everything to get out. Not worth it.

Despite my wife's affair I found marriage very worthwhile. I found the incentive of loving someone so completely to be very fulfilling. Marriage comes with all sorts of risks, just like life, business, sports, jogging, fishing, camping or going to a concert in Las Vegas.

Marriage is not a prison. I found it very freeing to be devoted to one woman for the rest of my life. I went from being the slave of singleness to the joy of a lifetime partner.

Do women fare better in a breakup? Maybe, maybe not. But I never got into marriage for personal financial gain. I suffer much more from the pain of her affair than the worry that she may "get all my stuff." She can have it all. It was still worth it.

Five - There is a demographic difference between Female behavior even in the West. Certain female demographic behavior is out of whack in our Societies, which makes the other four things when applied to men who... date? within that demographic have it even worse.

That sounds a bit sexist. But a difference between men and women? That's not exactly news.

MGTOW is simply a natural thing borne out of systematic injustice and perverted/corrupted/broken societies.

MGTOW, sounds more like children picking up their toys, when they don't get their way, and going home.

How about MGTRW? Men going the right way?

especially since she was getting it on with him with more energy in one session than she gave me in months.

Has she done anything to address this with you ? I am going to go counter to a lot of people posting here and say part of her role in R is to address this. There IS an answer why. She just has to be brave and honest enough to admit it and find it. Anything else is another form of dishonesty. Look into amends and restitution. Everyone says there is "nothing" that can make up for infidelity, but it doesn't mean that the effort the WS would put towards that is wasted. Also confused conseuences with revenge they aren't the same thing.

Why can't she be the vixen with her husband, but only with someone who clearly did not care about her. Intimacy issues? Yeah. I think you need to talk to her about this and figure out what you both can do to resolve these issues. If this bothers you it is most definitely a M problem. Don't let anyone tell you different. I get it. It kills your identity as a man.

Maybe become a bad boy too? I'd doubt she would like that and honestly changing your self to accommodate her smacks of CODA. She woouldn't have been looking for the bad boy unless you had most of the boxes checked off at home. She wanted all that you provided plus more. What has she done to address her selfish and entitled behavior. Who knows ? At some point she felt she was "owed," this. Why ?

As far as all the literature out there the thing I have taken away as much as almost everyone refuses to believe it . . .nice guys do finish last.

We don't have it like it, but we have to acknowledge that it does exists. Bad things happen to good people all the time. The world is full of people that take advantage of nice guys (both men and women). It is not wrong assert yourself more often in a safe way.

Living your life first and foremost in line with your own values. IC would be a great thing to help put things into perspective and figure out what next step to take. You need to find your voice and stand on your own two feet again. Take that power back etc. IC, IC, IC.

FWIW a D is not going to make your insecurities go away. Anyone selling simple solutions for a price in a complex world is completely full of shit.

Thanks to everyone who replied.

My situation sucks. I don't want to be here. Well, I do, but it's just not going to work with me looking at her as damaged goods. Difficult to get out because in a no fault state the man is screwed. They don't care that she cheated for years, exposed me and the kid to possible diseases, took family money and resources for her affair. If I leave they are going to skin me alive.

I looked at the MGTOW thing because cheating has been a part of my entire life. My father cheated on my mom and she took it out on us kids. My wife was my first serious relationship. Others I had wanted to play the field, lie about it or not. My wife was/is a good woman, under logical analysis. She did horrible things to me and our family but has jumped through fiery hoops to make things right. They just never will be, I fear.

Maybe if I hadn't seen video of them together. Freak way it happened. He put the vids on a thumb drive. She had another just like it that she had put emails, love letters gifs from him on. She had left it at his house, but retrieved it, so she thought, so he couldn't use the stuff against her in any way. This was about a week or so after D-day. She wasn't planning on me seeing the stuff. Mind you she thought she had the one with letters and crap on it, not the one he kept with the secret video. I took it without her knowledge because she hid it and forgot about it. (Why the hell not just destroy it, dumbass?) My wife, the amateur porn star. Geez.

Anyway, it's killing me. It's killing the kids and is going to devastate her. Despite all she's done, I still don't want to hurt her, but I think I'm gonna have to.

You have every right to decide that this marriage isn't for you any more. It sounds like that might be where you are. And I think it's natural to come to terms with the idea that you might be alone forever when you decide to divorce. That's a natural fear and finding a way to make that less scary makes emotional sense.

But I do hope that you won't give up on people with two X chromosomes in general. I think it's a mistake to take your feelings of being used and abused by your wife and apply them to half of the world's population or society in general. The movement uses flashy wording about bravery and boldness and ownership, but I think it's just a mask to hide your fear and pain behind.

Its a deal breaker for you and that is perfectly fine. That's what's always been crazy to me, these cheaters are risking their marriages and the lively hoods of their children but the Betrayed Spouse should somehow suck it up and eat the shit sandwhich after the affair blows up..

Was she thinking of you and the kids while making the video ? Hell no!!

It's hard to live off shit sandwiches...

CDB

I know that no-fault laws suck. However, there are a lot of factors. And you can negotiate with your WW on the alimony. If she really is sorry maybe she doesn’t need 10 years of $2k per month.

Have you talked to an attorney yet?

It seems as though you are very unhappy. Although D may be expensive it might be worth it to you.

I know the mgtow concept is new to you, something you stumbled across, want to make sure you have a good idea of what you've actually stumbled into. If you haven't already you can check out the Reddit community.

For the sake of clarity: the mgtow community *in general* is vocally and pointedly anti-feminist, anti-lgbt, and anti-progressive, among several other things. Maybe that stuff matters to you, maybe not.

Just be *you* going your own way. Those guys are silly, not taken seriously by serious people.

This is gonna sound stupid, but what helped me the most after discovering was a journal. Do you have one?

Seriously, google EMDR therapy before you give up!

Also, some words that helped me are 'my love didnt stop you from cheating and it won't stop me from divorcing you because you cheated'

The mind movies for me was hard enough. I can't even imagine my reaction had I seen a video of my ex.

I have seen the YouTube videos also. I wont attack you for considering it like some. I think some of it makes a lot of sense. But, honestly there are good women out there. Dont let your wife sour your veiw of all women. I just think our society in general has gotten worse with morals and values.

Hateful

I didn’t see a video. I saw live action. With my own eyes and in my bed.

That was bad. But still nothing compares to what my imagination can think of.

I don’t know if I am in any way comparable to what you are dealing with. In my case it was a long-term relationship and since we had no kids walking away was easy. That’s what I did. I ended that relationship and moved on.

But I think seeing what I saw was better than imagining what I saw.

The truth is what it is.

It’s best to deal with things from a basis of truth.

For years afterwards I had some issues. There were certain foods I couldn’t even look at because they reminded me of body parts. I would close my eyes whenever I saw a picture of a brain. I had uncontrollable fear for my kids playing outside until they reached their sixth birthday. I could understand those quirks because I spent some years in the police and remembered crime scenes and accident scenes where I had seen stuff that explained this.

But I also had a constant fear of my wife – a completely different woman than my former fiancé – and her love for me. Fear to a point where it nearly ruined my marriage.

I had the good sense to seek help and I had a blatant case of PTSD. The psychologist that helped me estimated that 40% of the issues were due to blood and gore, 60% due to the infidelity. It only took 3-4 sessions and I could cope.

I strongly suggest you consider IC to help you deal with your emotions. Strongly. STRONGLY…

That mgtow stuff? Its total and utter bullshit IMHO. A man and masculinity is defined by how honorable, respectful and truthful you are. How you stand by your word. How you sacrifice and reap in accordance to your actions and commitments. I don’t see how a penis entitles me to consider myself superior (or inferior) to women. Women like my wife who I see as my equal. Or my daughters that should have the same chances and opportunities as my sons – who in turn should have all the same opportunities as my daughters.

Ps: That stuff about unfairness and the tilt of courts in divorce and all that stuff? It’s all drivel. I haven’t heard a single person – male or female – say divorce is fair. But it is. It’s as fair as it can be. But somehow having all of half of what you had always feels less than having half of all you have.

I was thinking of going MGTOW monk mode. No woman, no sex. Just rub one out if I need to from time to time. Just live my life and be a good parent.

It sounds like a great way to detach from your cheating wife once and for all. It's not like you have to cut your nuts off so you can decide to leave that way of life whenever you want to. It could eb a great bridge to healing for you and help you see that divorce is not nearly as scary or as financially damaging as you think it will be. You need to look past the divorce and believe that your life will be better in every way. It's hard for people to do this - it's the old "rather the devil I know" thing - but taking a leap of faith then knuckling down to rebuild your life will probably be the best decision you ever made.