SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The only point I'm trying to make is that I'm grateful for the ideas and values we have at SI.

Because outside of SI many people have different ideas.

Well in that case, this link says it best.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=613814

Thanks for the link.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 3:00 AM, November 13th (Monday)]

I will say if I didn't provide any proof of the points I made here, I know there will many members here who will challenge me in every which way possible.

The only reason there was minimal opposition to the ideas in this thread is because I provided overwhelming evidence.

For me personally, this thread was a hollow "victory".

It breaks my heart to know so many BS's here have to live amongst non BS's who have totally and completely backwards, loop sided and upside down views on infidelity.

Yes, I'm extremely appreciative of the values here on SI.

The only reason there was minimal opposition to the ideas in this thread is because I provided overwhelming evidence.

Dorothy, I think we'll have to disagree on this.

Certainly there's a lot of ideas current today that give the WS a free pass, but IMO there are also lots of ideas current that call for the WS to face the consequences.

Some of the posts in this thread talk about the ideas that blame the WS.

How far does blame get us anyway? We BSes on SI are told again and again that WSes cheat for their own reasons, not because of something the BS did or didn't do.

The BS still has to deal with the pain, no matter who's to blame.

Besides, a lot of judgments depend on who's being judged and who's doing the judging.

Consider the scandals that celebrities and politicians have had over the last 50 years. People who liked someone touched by scandal forgave quickly, even though they did not forgive another person touched by the same scandal.

And WRT politicians, I accept _______'s infidelities, but not not _______'s. (I'm working on fixing that, but my hopes are not high.)

I think you're looking for definitive answers where no definitive answer is possible.

[This message edited by sisoon at 1:52 PM, November 15th (Wednesday)]

Let's see, do we blame the BS instead of the WS?

After my husband's EA so many years ago, we tried counseling. The counselor wanted us to discuss what I wasn't giving my husband so that he had to look outside the marriage.

After his second affair, my best friend asked me, first thing, was how often I turn him down for sex.

Books, articles, television shows on how to affair proof your marriage - aimed at keeping your spouse from cheating, not how to keep yourself from cheating. "Do you greet your spouse when s/he gets home from work?" "Date your spouse." "Have sex regularly." "Do you keep yourself up?"

Articles on why people cheat: "Lack of sexual satisfaction." "Lack of emotional satisfaction." "Falling in love with someone new." "Feeling unappreciated." "Feeling neglected." "Jealous of new baby."

This was all from a google search today.

So yea, society blames the BSs. All. The. Time.

Why the reluctance to blame WS?

Ignorance!

Just about all the BS's here can agree that no one can truly understand the pain and horrors of being cheated on until they, themselves , are cheated on.

This thread confirms how many BS's here were ignorant before they became BS's.

"Things you couldn't understand about A's til it happened 2 U ? "

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=599261

That same ignorance drove many misconceptions that blamed the BS in every which way possible.

"Misconceptions about A's you had b/4 being cheated on? "

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=593607

This ignorance is shared by the BS's here friends and family and of course by the third party neutral non BS's (AKA members of the general public).

This same ignorance leads to many many non BS's (including the BS's own family and friends) to want to give the WS the "get of jail free card".

* Dorothy channels her inner Bruce Lee and is ready and prepared to defend her new ignorance theory against any and all challenges *

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 10:06 AM, November 16th (Thursday)]