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kaygem (original poster member #57956) posted at 6:04 AM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
I can't express how much this video helped me understand a bit more of the WHY question.
He is addressing waywards and I dearly wish I could post it in that forum (can't BS) but hoping WS's will see this and watch.
BUT, it's enormously helpful for BS's too! He makes a lot of the WHY clear. I know this won't apply to every situation on here, but it's a pretty good overview of why waywards do what they do.
No links allowed so:
Go to YouTube
Type in: Why We Choose Infidelity A Lack of Self Acceptance
It's under the account: "Affair Recovery"
Me: BW
Him: fWH Remorseful, doing the work
Dday-3/17 (ONS's)
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:47 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
I watched this and thought it was well done.
Great explanation on “why”.
Thanks for the recommendation.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
sewardak ( member #50617) posted at 3:32 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
you know I watched this and it made a lot of sense. but for me, not WS. i don't know what that means. sometimes I feel like I'm white knuckling it through life. like a step away from making a poor decision. and I do have abandonment issues. but i can recognize that but then what? I've done all kinds of work on myself but how do you heal yourself from childhood betrayals?
thank you for sharing the video.
[This message edited by sewardak at 9:32 AM, January 15th (Monday)]
deephurt ( member #48243) posted at 3:50 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
It was a well done explanation. He explained it way better than I tried to with my wh. What he explained in the video is exactly my wh.
I’m going to ask wh to watch it. He avoids talking about his childhood and I worry that not facing it will lead him to be the same guy that cheated. He swears it will never happen again but I feel it’s like the guy in the video said-it’s a bandaid.
me-BW
him-WH
so far successfully in R
harrybrown ( member #59225) posted at 3:53 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
Thanks for pointing that out.
very helpful.
DarkHoleHeart ( member #58272) posted at 5:23 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
Good video. I don't get the ending though. "WW must forgive himself/herself, then can BS healing begin". Egg or chicken problem? I think that forgiveness, like trust, must be earned.
I agree that WS, who is only wallowing in self-loathing, etc. won't be much help to BS, but forgiving? It too early.
@DDay#1:
Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32
M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: Oct, 2016, Dday#2: Jun, 2017
AP#1: COW PA, AP#2: EA/PA 3 months, AP#3: COW PA
Currently (2024): Plain of the Lethal Flatness
swatter555 ( member #60555) posted at 5:54 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
The key to long term recovery during reconciliation is the WS forgiving themselves. If they don’t, they haven’t learned a thing. They need to end the cycle of lack of self esteem.
BS 44
WS 39
DDay July 15,2017
DDay 2 August 9, 2017
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