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Well I have found out about strip clubs and 3 more long term EA with college girls that he catfished. I get the written report this week from polygraph. Which will have more info about which questions he failed and how badly. She told me when she called with results but after she said he failed I kind of blanked out and don't remember what she said.

I still feel like he is hiding something big. Maybe he isn't, but after years not believing my instincts when they always turned out to be right has me wary. After I confront him with written results I will see how he acts. If he can't be honest or find some way to belay my fears and have me feel safe this will be the end of our marriage. It's not what I want but I can't live with this dishonesty and TT anymore.

[This message edited by Cujochurch at 6:12 PM, January 22nd (Monday)]

My fWH failed his polygraph. He was livid and angry too yelling at me saying that the polygraph guy had it in for him asking him stupid questions. I told fWH that I had given him the questions. It really mage me wonder what other affairs he had had but then he became deathly ill and well my focus changed. But I can tell you I still don’t really know but he never came clean or in his words ‘ there’s nothing else’.

I wish you all the best ju realize that we will never know the whole truth.

Best to you.

As he tells you more I wonder is his attitude about another poly will change. That's what happened in our caseZ once he finally told all the truth, he was ok with taking the poly and actually wanted to prove he was telling the truth.

WH has given me a written timeline of his inappropriate behavior. There were some new things I didnt know. He has agreed to another polygraph which is scheduled for next week.

I will tell you that as long as my husband was behaving indignantly and defensively, he was still lying.

This has been 100% true in my case.

Cujo,

Just look at this from a 30,000 feet perspective: emotional affair confession in 2006, physical affair, strip clubs, TT, more emotional affairs, lying, etc.

Your husband is a liar, a cheater, has disrespected your marriage for over a decade and he keeps lying. Have some dignity and leave him. He has never deserved you and you deserve better. How can you even think it will be ok to live with a man you will never be able to fully trust again? Is this what you want for your life and are you so insecure as to think this is the best you can get? He is a liar. He is a cheater. Sometimes you have to believe what he is telling you with his actions.

Stop wasting money on polygraphs. Your husband is trash.

Stop wasting money on polygraphs. Your husband is trash.

I agree. At the risk of getting clobbered again for my stance AGAINST polygraph tests, I will say most of us are pretty good "lie detectors" ourselves. It sounds like you know, Cujochurch, that he is lying, test or no test. And even if not for the lies, you think you can "feel safe" with a serial cheater? I think not, whether you think you get the truth about the past, or not.

For the record, I divorced my first husband who was a serial cheater. Would he have passed a lie detector test? I don't know and don't care.

He was a habitual liar. There were other absolute conflicts in what he said, that PROVED he was a liar far better than a polygraph test could ever do.

I only wish you the best as you go forward trying to sort out what to do. You can't control him, or what has happened. You can only control yourself and your decisions going forward, with or without him.

What will you prove with another lie detector? Whether he cheated on you 5 instead of 3 times? Will that make a difference????

Its obvious she doesn't want a divorce and is holding on to any shred of her marriage. Hoping and believing her husband may be somewhat truthful about something may be all she needs as an excuse and justification to stay.

If that is what she needs to tell her self it's ok to stay with him, then that is her business. Its clear she does not want to get a divorce.

What I want to prove is that he loves me enough to tell me the truth about everything. If he can at least have the balls to admit everything then I will try R. At present I don't know if I want to D or not. But I will if WH can't respect me enough to come clean and get help.

And how long does he have to come clean? He lied to you for years, lied to you last week, is still TT-in, revealed some more in writing, failed poly. Looks pretty clear from the outside he does not want to come clean. When people want R and want to come clean everything comes out in a few weeks. With you it’s been years and you don’t have all the truth yet. I think his multiple cheating and continued lying is a very clear message.

But maybe next time he will REALLY mean it.

And after cheating and lying to you for years....will he really change? That is not an indiscretion or temptation. So many affairs and strip clubs and stuff is a serious character flaw.

But I guess that is the life you want to live...on the verge of getting cheated on again, and again, and again.

You deserve better.

She doesn’t want better.

She wants this man to love her.

The bigger question is this....what does his love like to her. Not her idea of love. What his love looks like to her?

It’s not honesty nor monogamy,

In your real life and circumstances. What does his love look like? The love he is capable of giving?

It seems to me he has shown you over and over what he is capable of.

[This message edited by Iwantmyglasses at 10:17 PM, January 31st (Wednesday)]

I have erased my response A number of times.

She is coming for help...and has been berated for her choice in using a polygraph.

Told her husband is trash

She is looking for "excuses and justifications" to stay in her marriage

And that she doesn't want better.

The lack of compassion is astounding. I also find it astounding that it's coming from.fellow BSs who know what a hard emotional process this is.

So the shame, anger, hurt and confusion she feeling after finding out her life has been lie....she reaches out in that moment...and is heaped with more shame from people who are supposed to understand.

Cujochurch.....

This is a process. You don't have feel ashamed of you want to do continue with your marriage. You do need to know the truth, have requirements, boundaries, etc so that you can rebuild in a healthy way. Please continue to read, reach out

Cujochurch.....

This is a process. You don't have feel ashamed of you want to do continue with your marriage. You do need to know the truth, have requirements, boundaries, etc so that you can rebuild in a healthy way. Please continue to read, reach out

Thank you for that. I was really beginning to question my decision to share here.

Well for anyone that cares the re-test is Thursday. I'm sick with worry that he will fail again. If he does we are separating.

I care, and I pray he passes, and I pray that you can soon have some peace.

Huge hugs, sweetie.

Cujo - you haven’t received the support you deserve, at home or here.

My husband had his second polygraph last week, I prepared myself by looking at homes online imagining my life in them, alone. He passed. Now I continuing this battle of pain.

Just wanted you to know you deserve every right to make your decisions about your life.

And - however it comes out, alone or with him, and while the “journey” (I am starting to hate that word) will be painful, in the end YOU WILL be OKAY.

We do support you! We want you out of infidelity. If that means a remorseful, honest husband. We support you. If that means a separation we support you.

No one wants to see you in pain. Everyone knows how horribly this hurts.

Praying that he realizes that his way forward is through honesty with you.

It really is the lies that kill any chance at R.