SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

According to her, she wasn't cheating. She kept this a secret from me for almost a year until one of my friends finally told me about this. She told me they didn't do anything and she invited him over because he needed comfort from a friend. He told her to keep it a secret and she did. They both knew how I would feel about that. She thinks because he's a guy I'm assuming they did things, but I mean she hid that he slept over for the longest time. They were both people I trusted with all my heart. Even if she didn't I still don't consider that any less hurtful. I don't feel there was even a need for him to sleepover. If he really needed a friend I was literally down the street from his house instead he took a 40 minute train ride to my girlfriend's. They didn't even know about each other's existence until I started dating her.

tldr: Would you consider this cheating?

P.S Makes you understand why men dodge marriages these days

You can live in denial if you choose but you aren't married to her.

You don't invite another man over for a sleepover to watch tv.

All cheaters lie, hide and deny.

Which is all you're getting.

Dump them both if you're smart

So now you know that your girlfriend is the kind of person who will lie to you, keep secrets from you, and have no problem doing it over a long period of time.

The question is what do you do with that information? My advice is that this is not the person you want to invest your future in. This is not a trustworthy person.

Hi, welcome to SI. So sorry you find yourself here.

The above posters gave you some great advice and things to think about.

They are two adults, not kids, if they had nothing to hide, why hide it?

I will guarantee you they did much more than watch television.

He's not your friend. Remove him from your life.

She's not a faithful, honest girlfriend, dump her as well.

You deserve friends who are loyal and trustworthy and above all else, honest.

[This message edited by annb at 11:25 AM, February 9th (Friday)]

How long were you in the relationship? How long did your friend know before telling you?

Was the friend a mutual friend of both of you or inner circle?

It may sound like a lot of your/her friends knew.

If it's true, your friend didn't need to go 40 mins to talk to some one when you were right there.

Most likely they've been and still are having sex.

Everyone but you has a good idea what's going on. Maybe your friend got tired of you being the on going joke.

You can review her phone, or Facebook. If she's hiding these from you then the A

Is ongoing.

How much detail does your friend know and how do they know? Did they get the information first or second hand?

Do you have enough information to confront, like emails or pictures? If you do let her know.

You may not want to hear this but you're not married, cheating this early is a huge red flag of a LTR future with her.

If you actually believe the story, your problems are eternally greater than a deceitful partner.

Would you consider this cheating?

Yes. Lying is cheating and she admitted to lying.

VERY unlikely that nothing happened. How many sleepovers?

What does your "friend" have to say about all of this?

How is your WGF acting now? Still smug and full of excuses?

What positives do you get from this relationship?

Makes you understand why men dodge marriages these days

Keep reading...plenty of posts here where the man cheated. Unfortunately infidelity is an equal opportunity soul crusher.

Not married, no shared home, no kids? Cut your losses and find someone worthy of your love and trust.

(((good luck)))

[This message edited by 1Faith at 12:13 PM, February 9th (Friday)]

It was a mutual friend that told me.

We were together for 3 years.

I havent confronted them yet.

Im not sure how long he knew.

HOW SHOULD I CONFRONT THEM?

She invited him over because he needed comfort from a friend.

Eternalsuffering

There are common ways boundaries are crossed.

Often an affair starts when two married people start discussing their respective bad marriages. They get close and discover how much better they are for each other than their spouses.

Another is a woman acting as a relationship councilor. She’s a friend of the guy and wants to help. He’s having problems with his girlfriend of wife. He’s just so sad and feels rejected. She knows how to cheer him up.

It’s kind of material if you think about it. She knows him as a friend. She just wants to help. If he comes on to her how can she reject him at a time like this? It would be devastating for him. It’s just sex after all and she’s not going to run away with him.

I had two good single friends that had never even dated each other. My male friend was really unattractive and depressed due to girl trouble. So my female friend gave him a onetime sympathy fu@k. What I will never get over is that he told everyone how he nailed her. I dumped him that day.

Oyt of ALL THE OTHER GIRLS OUT THERE he needs comfort from mines????

What a bitch-ass move. It looks so cheap.

Isn't there a way you gather evidence? Place a VAR is her car or on her bedroom. One thing i know, a guy doesn't just drive 40 minutes and secretally sleeps over just to talk about flowers and dogs... They are hiding a lot more. Are you still a young guy? You don't have kids? Mayby it is time then to start dating new girls, nice girls which don't have sleepovers with you're best friends. Good luck to you!

She told me they didn't do anything

I havent confronted them yet.

I am confused. Did you confront your WGF or no?

Check out the Healing Library at the upper left hand corner. There are some pointers in the library on how to confront.

either ghost them both, go NC and tell all your friends.

Expose, and do not have anything to do with either one.

you dodged a huge bullet.

Get out of town. you are not married to her and do not have to pay child support and alimony.

You can always put vaseline on his car and other items, but be careful.

Best to stop all contact with them, expose and let him have her.

If you don’t live with her then just ghost her. It’ll save you a billion pounds of drama that you did nothing to bring on yourself

#1Faith we talked over text not in person

Sharkman what do u mean?

Im sorry you’re here, but this is a good place for you to be. I’m going to be blunt.

You are in denial. Your GF & friend are/were fucking. You are not married. Ditch her without looking back and find a trustworthy woman of standard to settle down with.

Whether or not they had sex, this was a secretive, emotionally intimate encounter. I would consider it cheating, whether or not they had sex or even talked about it.

Anyone with common thoughts on fidelity would consider this a betrayal, so either your girlfriend is trying to manipulate you OR she is more suitable for flings than long-term commitments. Maybe both.

Many cheaters say, "I would have told you but you're too jealous and controlling. YOU are the problem."

You are not the problem, and she didn't keep this secret because you overreact to normal situations. Your girlfriend was considering sleeping with this guy -- it probable that she did.

Call him screaming and yelling and demand to know if he bothered to wear a condom. You'll find out right away whether they had sex.

Personally, regardless, I would strongly consider breaking things off. You don't have to get her to admit to wrong doing. You don't have to get her to agree with you. You have every right to end things even if she is convinced she did nothing wrong. Good luck.

Eternal, listen to the advice these other folks are giving you. This woman said she knew you wouldn't be happy about it, but rather than discuss the situation with you, like a partner, she chose to ignore what your feelings were and do whatever she wanted, whatever she thought was best for her. This is the type of behavior that almost all waywards do. She might be sorry you were hurt, but it's your own fault.

Look at it from the outside. If you were going to take a 40 minute train ride to sleep at someone else's place (member of the opposite sex), would you be looking to score?

And as others have said, it really is irrelevant at this point. She has shown you that she can't be trusted, as she is a selfish person. Not someone you should marry. Do yourself a favor and end it now. Anything else is asking for more trouble.

HOW SHOULD I CONFRONT THEM?

#1Faith we talked over text not in person

Eternalsuffering

So you already confronted?