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I don't think your ww will be too shocked that posom had a second AP.

Posom was much younger than your wife, and ww said she strayed for the thrills.

"So does that mean she is out of “the fog” already?

You think?????

I’m trying to read her mind and separate anything she says and does that is just lip service and what is real."

So if she tells you she'll sign whatever and you're next to godliness. and whatever you say goes. What is it that you are hoping for? For proof? Divorce her and you'll know.

You're already losing this game if you're trying to one up her before the divorce. Your goal is to not care. Because the outcome is the same. So what is your point?

I think your attention to this detail, which would be inconsequential to most, comes off as desperate. Like you needed this pathetic little extra detail to make yourself feel good?

I may be a different breed, but if my husband through everything away for something they claim was a mistake, I would be even more depressed that this someone so easily threw the wool over my partners eyes, that they weren't smart enough to see they were being played. Like she says you loves you but doesn't have the emotional intellect to explain what went on in her head and heart to throw away her godly man without so much as a care in the world? 2+2 doesn't equal 8. There is so much missing. Has she explained to you her feelings during the affair? Pretty sure you never said anything about that.

If you are 100% certain about divorcing then get your head in the game. If you're getting giddy over the fact that the man who was fucking your wife was fucking even more women, I'm afraid you need some therapy or try and find a higher level of emotional maturity.

Wow. Cut the guy some slack. Most of our WS's didn't do anything we'd call "smart" while having their A. They all threw us away for someone paying the slightest attention to them because they were severely emotionally immature.

So he's a little happy because she was being betrayed at the same time he was? That's what they call poetic justice, and I don't think it's a big problem. Just because he's divorcing her doesn't mean he doesn't feel anything.

First post in your thread. I just want to start by saying that it sucks beyond any words I can express the Hell you are experiencing. The kind of Hell your going through most people wouldn’t wish on their worst enemies. Yet, here you are.

I have read your wife’s thread in the wayward forum. This lady seems to be a carbon copy of how my wife reacted to getting caught. Watch your back, she will manipulate you any chance given. Her highest priority is to save her own ass via any means. It will take her months or years to begin to process her actions and view them with any useful perspective. You are still only a tool to her, despite any sweet words she might have for you.

I’m not trying to demonize her, but just to say she is going all on instinct at this point. I doubt she has any idea what she truly wants, only that she has lost everything and she is like someone drowning. She might very well take you down with her if you get too close.

Don’t even open the door to dating in the future, you will only make her more like a rabid dog. BE CAREFUL! You need to show restraint and respect she doesn’t deserve. She is probably a large suicide risk. This woman has burned almost every bridge in her life and doesn’t have much more to lose. Show kindness and respect. Make things as easy as you can while at the same time keeping a professional distance. Let her know that life will go on without you and it is best to start down that road.

This just keeps getting weirder and weirder

Or perfect? Everything is coming together perfectly...almost too well...

Swatter, thank you

[This message edited by 2018MLMM at 5:33 AM, April 6th (Friday)]

Yes she did make that talk all about her.

I am sorry that must have been a huge slap in the face to realise that she wasn’t concerned enough about how you were coping to make sure she asked.

I have INTENTIONALLY not asked too many of the big questions such as why, when did you think this was ok, did you love pos, etc because I want her to get more counseling sessions in first

FYI, this morning we talked about the NC and of course she said that she has no desire to ever talk to him again. I told her that if she ever did, that would be the end of everything and she would be moving out for good.

I asked her to write a NC as if pos never sent her in. She is NOT to send it to him, but to me for my review. She said she will do it today.

Don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier, oh, that’s right, I’ve never been through this before But whoever suggested it last night, thank you

[This message edited by 2018MLMM at 5:59 AM, April 6th (Friday)]

So POS's STBXBS knows of 2 A's that POSOM had. That's plenty, but there may easily be more - which really underlines the fact that thorough STD testing be done - on you and WS. Ask for blood tests for HSVI and HSVII, ask for HEP tests, everything, not a quick screen. The more promiscuous the APs, the higher the STD exposure risk.

Sorry.

I am a BH in the past. I think I found your wifes story and it burned me up when I compare it to yours.

Here are things I did on top of what you've done.

1. I made My WW call the POSOM Wife and have her apologize to her. I also made her answer any questions the POSOM wife asked. We did this on speaker phone so I could listen in. My WW was mortified to do this but I told her she needed to see the full damaged she caused to our family and the POSOM's family. I even had her apologize to their children. (I wanted to make sure she felt pain and that she hit rock bottom).

2. Since I'm Catholic also, I made her go see our priest at our parish and had her tell him our wedding was a deception. I had her tell the priest that she lied at the marriage and that our marriage should be annulled. She has to tell the priest this and say that she made the marriage nothing but lies. The Bishop annulled our marriage after her request. I was there during this talk.

3. I had her meet with her parents with me. I had her confess the affair to them. I had her tell her parents she alone had destroyed what we built in our marriage. They should not look down at me cause it was all her fault.

4. I made her quit her job immediately. I had her call her boss and quit without notice. I told her if she doesn't Ill consider the affair still ongoing. (Posom was coworker). I had my wife report the affair to HR also.

5. I told my similarly that we were getting a divorce and that after I heal and if she changes we may date again. I let my divorce go thru.

6. After my divorce and after she had her own place. I told her I couldn't get past her emotional bashing of me to the POSOM. I told her don't lie to me because I knew she did it. It was all her fault, she allowed the affair to go forward. She only stopped the affair because I caught her. Like you, I believe she was sorry she got caught, not sorry for the affair.

7. After the divorce she wanted to reconcile. I told her that I had a hard time with the images of her f....ing the POSOM. Unless she agreed to threesomes with other women I wouldn't consider ever going out with her again. Yes people here will blast me for that but I felt justified. I told her I needed to have sex with someone else.

In the end I did not reconcile. It was my choice and I feel it was the better. I moved across the country. Started new and met another girl ended up marrying her and we are happy. My current wife knows the details of my past and she knows what will happen if she strays. She tells me everything. We share passwords and have access to everything. We agreed to do this and our marriage is very strong.

^^^ why did you have her do all this if you were going to divorce?

Txquail,

I never thought of an annulment. I too am Catholic and she isn’t, but we did have a priest on the altar at our wedding. I’m assuming it is too long of a marriage to have it done, but I think I want to try it as well!

And did you ever have the threesome? Who picked the other woman?

I just don’t understand the concept of hysterical bonding. How can you not look at the cheater and not feel disgusted by her???? How can you not see her doing the same thing with the other guy?????)

I just don’t understand the concept of hysterical bonding. How can you not look at the cheater and not feel disgusted by her???? How can you not see her doing the same thing with the other guy?????)

You objectify her.

That's the only way I could resume having sex with my fWW. I just used her to get off. I didn't care if she enjoyed it or not, but I made sure we did it every day...sometimes twice a day. I basically told her to keep her ass up and her head down. And my fWW, being the closet freak she was, actually enjoyed being dominated like that. So it worked out for me and our sex life is pretty dang good now.

You might have to push through and fake it 'till you make it. But all this is meaningless if you have no intention of reconciling.

Don't do the threesome thing. That's just dumb and it brings you down to the cheater's level.

2018... My BIL is Catholic. I don't know how he did it... but he managed to have two marriages annulled by the church.

T/j

Txquail,

Now THAT's what I consider taking charge!

My BIL had three children with his first marriage. His children now hate him. I don't know if it was because of the annulment or other reasons. However his wife cheated througout the entire marriage.

Regarding the sex, I wouldn't have touched my wife with a ten-foot pole after D day.

Divorced.

My BIL is Catholic. I don't know how he did it... but he managed to have two marriages annulled by the church.

A modest donation to the diocese never hurts. That's what my exWW did.

T/J

I don't know how he did it... but he managed to have two marriages annulled by the church.

I do. Money talks.