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2018MLMM - Since you asked.

1. I had to get my marriage annulled by the church since the church would still consider me married. I didn't want to go thru the annulment process years from now if I found someone else. It was very easy to get an annulment when my WW confessed to our priest that she never wanted to fulfill our vows. I made her say that as part of the possibility of dating again.

2. About the three way. I got her to get one of her SINGLE friends to do it. I made my WW do the searching and getting another woman. My requirements was she had to be single, no bf no husband. I honestly thought she would never do it but she came thru. And yes I told my WW she could not get upset with what I was doing with the other woman. I will admit I loved having intercourse with her friend while the WW watched. I knew she was hating it but it made me feel great. (I made my WW have this encounter 3 or 4 times before I got it out of my system) and yes I used condoms). Now many people on this forum will chastise me for this but it got me over the physical part of the affair. It was my cure for it. She got to see me have sex with another woman and she had to accept it. For me, it stopped my mind seeing her with another man. It was the cure for me. It may not be the cure for you.

3. What I had the hardest part with was the emotional affair portion. She slammed me in order to justify her having the affair.

We and my WW dated for 2-3 month after the divorce and she started getting comfortable as if we were pre affair. I just couldn't take that and ended it. She tried her best to get back together but I decided to move across the country.

Remember the annulment I had her get? Came in handy. Couple years later met a wonderful woman and decided to marry her. Was one obstical I didn't have to deal with cause I had it done already.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:44 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

wow this thread has now devolved into talking about revenge affairs and threesomes. Kind of off the rails.

Either D and move on or stay and make sure she does the work to get back in your good graces.

However, turning this into a cuckolding episode off of a porn site will only damage the both of you more and will bring you closer to her level.

how are you ok committing adultery and then feel the need for an annulment? which laws are you following?

[This message edited by sewardak at 1:44 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

I think this is a good reason for you to deal with your anger. You are vulnerable to be influenced to become less than your best self during a time of pain.

Some people allow their anger to drive them to violate all sorts of moral and core-values, then spend the rest of their lives justifying themselves. They spend an amazing amount of time recruiting others to do just like them, because then if more people take the moral liberties "to heal", perhaps the crowd-morals will sooth the aching conscience they've offended by taking the justification path they're on.

If you feel even a twinge of "what!?" and wonder how a woman, already demeaned by cheating on her husband would then double down to first encourage a revenge affair, then threesomes, then violence... You see where this goes? Two demeaned, wounded, not-healing people. Just one wounded into silence and the other puffed out and justified.

The only way to heal this is to stop the damage from continuing first.

That very likely means you're on the right path with divorce. I hope your wife truly wants to make amends, so you will not have to continue to experience harm from the financial fall out of divorce. Let her grow up and out of the mindset that allowed her to demean herself with a creep when she had everything she really wanted already. To learn why she threw that away. To learn to value herself. The previous prescribed way for the man to heal by finishing her off in the destructive way just makes me ill. That whole mindset just violates all decency that you might have left if you embrace that path. Please don't. You don't have to inflict self-destruction on top of what she's already done to you.

🎡 let’s not get off track into a circus sideshow. I agree with Western. And k81a is spot on as well.

^^this!

Thank you. You are right

I have zero interest in sex. I just can’t meet someone and.... so that is not a worrry

And as for annulment, that isn’t going to happen either. It was just an interesting thought that someone mentioned. I’m not that big of a Catholic to worry about it. Don’t want to deal with any more paperwork to end this than necessary

[This message edited by 2018MLMM at 2:23 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

good o hear 2018. Always do the best to have the high moral ground and be the better person

Though distraught, you're handling things well.

Where does things stand with the affair videos?

Last night I asked pos’s wife if I could bring a friend that is in IT to look at her computer to and his phone (he hasn’t had it since their DDay) to find and destroy anything. I told her that I’m not asking for her, but asking for me and my kids.

I’m bringing my friend over on Sunday.

I told her that I am keeping all of the stuff I found until after the divorce, but will keep it if she needs it for her divorce.

As for the videos of pos and slut #2, I plan on telling her about it and showing her tonight while daughter is out with friends.

Does anyone else miss having a boring life?

Does anyone else miss having a boring life?

Living on a rollercoaster sure has its ups and downs doesn’t it?!?!

It may not stop for a while, but we promise at some point it will slow way back down. Just not for a while unfortunately.

Last night I asked pos’s wife if I could bring a friend that is in IT to look at her computer to and his phone (he hasn’t had it since their DDay) to find and destroy anything. I told her that I’m not asking for her, but asking for me and my kids.

When you do that, make sure he pays attention to the CLOUD too. That could include Apple iCloud, Google, Amazon, Microsoft and other services.

And his private Youtube and Vimeo accounts too

2018MLMM, Your thread has really gotten out of control since you announced that your WS was posting here. Even though people here know better, some are passing information back to you that is biased and somewhat false.

She is going down a normal path for someone in her situation. A WS that is in a fog still has feelings for her OP and is dishonest and deceiving to her husband. She is none of those.

Her mind right now is consumed with the exposure of the affair and she can't believe what she's done to her life and marriage. Virtually all WS's go through this. When she becomes mentally stable, then she can begin to try and repair the damage to you.

I'm certainly not trying to defend her, but you have played hardball form the beginning and her children are willing to forget 18 years of her being a good mother and banish her over this. Every person has a limit to the amount of stress and shame they can endure as we've seen here in a recent example. If the still intend to divorce her, just do it and forget exacting revenge on her. That will not be something you can be proud of when looking back.

Thank you. I will remind him

Only you know your wife. Don't do anything you think might push her over the cliff. Remember, she's lost everything.

2018MLMM

All this focus on your WW and POS is understandable. Finding out every last detail from the computers, proving to her that she was one of two side pieces, ect. We get it. We've been there.

Remember this, though. Most of us that are completely through this whole process will tell you that the sooner you detach and focus on your own life rather than her antics, the better off you will feel and the farther down the road to recovery you will be.

Make no mistake, you are doing well and I'm not advocating rugsweeping here. What I am saying is it would be great if you also addressed taking care of you. That means not losing your focus on divorce, and getting yourself into counseling if you aren't already.

Have you met with a counselor?

Now many people on this forum will chastise me for this but it got me over the physical part of the affair. It was my cure for it. She got to see me have sex with another woman and she had to accept it. For me, it stopped my mind seeing her with another man. It was the cure for me. It may not be the cure for you.

Txquail - And you got exactly the response you expected from a few. In my fantasy mind, you are my hero. Could never do that myself, but I can certainly appreciate it.

I knew they'd get upset. But it got me over the physical affair. I said its not for everyone.

2018,

Trying to get this straight.

So over appetizers you meet the other betrayed spouse, who originally allowed you to enter her computer, you, a stranger she doesn’t know from jack, and download porno videos of your wife and her husband, and now she found more pornos of her husband and another woman, which you are gleefully happy about that you’re cheating wife’s cheating boyfriend cheated on her too while cheating on her with his own wife but cheating with another lover is somehow happy inducing and other betrayed spouse gave you videos of her cheating husband with another woman so you are now in possession of porno tapes of two people you don’t know having sex and you’ve now called for an IT guy to go thru other betrayed spouses computer and her cheating husbands phone so you can have a third party supposedly search for more videos of your spouse and other betrayers spouse having sex while possibly finding more sex videos of other betrayed spouse and other women having sex and other betrayed spouse agrees to the IT guy rummaging through her personal computer and her husbands phone because IT guy is solely looking for sex videos so he is not possibly a harm to anything personal, other than sex videos, that could be found in either her computer or her cheating husbands phone and any videos found of her husband having sex your wife or any other women is now yours to keep.

And, you ask for and receive advice about threesomes and annulment, then say nah, not me.

I think it all makes perfect sense.