SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hang tough today.

sending you strength

I wanted to gather proff before I approach her.

Well as my stomach hurt more, the proff I had, she was having a affair. I called when I seen she was not at work and somewhere her job would never have her park her car, she has dedicated secure locations for there cars, she has multiple locations, to ask if so and so is working today ( he and I are friends) she said she has not seen him and she is at so and so location if I call later. That location has bad service signal so in past she would advise me if I needed her. I listen to recorders and in her car she has Bluetooth, so I heard him and her discuss next time they can meet. He asked several times if I had any clue, she said no and he was relieved. Maybe he seen my truck pass by.

I think Onetime has all the proof he needs. I doubt they were meeting up to play checkers or watch tv.

You don’t need to hook up for an EA.

Save the marriage at all costs!!!!!

What if that cost is higher that the worth of a marriage that s WS threw away?

Not everyone can swallow infidelity and eat the shit sandwich that goes with it.

Surviving infidelity can mean D or R. It depends on the person.

[This message edited by Marz at 1:37 PM, March 27th (Tuesday)]

I kind of agree with Marz here.

They weren't up to compare resumes and to talk about gardening.

His WW will deny and maybe aggressively deny and put onetime on the spot.

By doing it this way, onetime can detach in case he's right and in all probability is right. If he's wrong, she will come flying back at him begging him to let her explain and present evidence that he's wrong.

If she just shrugs her shoulders, then it will prove his analysis was right.

BTW, the line "does he have any clue" ? That's a dead ringer.

I doubt that they were talking about the new Ford F350 King Cab they bought him for his upcoming birthday.

Bigger, all the respect for you in the world, but I like the way this guy is handling it.

he has executed this to a tee and has put himself in a power position before confrontation and is confronting on his own terms.

She now has to own her shit or at least explain why it's not shit.

I am awaiting an update about the service.

Now Marz, on the other hand, you said OM has room there or nearby. I didn't see that brought up. Is that just a scenario ? or thought ?

Could be right. Could call his department and see if he's onduty or not. In the end, it won't matter because after service, she's cancelling training and spending a few hours on the way home in a plane either trying to explain her non cheating indiscretions or trying to figure out lies to tell onetimer so he buckles, caves and decides that she wasn't cheating or a way to gaslight him on 'how horrible a husband he has been' or about some 'imaginary' affair he has had that he hasn't

OK Onetime

Marz has spoken. Do NOT follow the training you got as a Law Enforcement Officer. Use illegally gained proof even if it wrecks your career and might even get you on charges for a crime.

Do not look at evidence critically. After all – despite you having told us it’s quite common for officers to rent rooms close to work – then the ONLY reason they do that is to have sex. Right Marz?

Despite there being strict wiretapping laws in NJ Onetime, then that doesn’t apply for you…Right Marz?

Marz – Not once do I suggest Onetime divorce or reconcile. Unlike you I don’t have an agenda.

Western – You a cop, right? Do I do ANYTHING other than suggest Onetime go over his evidence and look at it critically? What’s your kick in making his situation worse than it might be? It’s tough enough already!

Some rise up and make decisions rather than use excuses to wallow in infidelity.

That's why it's called Surviving Infidelty.

If you read his posts thoroughly he didn't make his decisions lightly or without evidence.

The most important point Bigger made is revealing the sources of his info could cost him his career and/or liberty.

He needs to be very careful about not revealing sources or replicating those modes of data acquisition.

Filing for D doesn't require a judge and jury. He only has to satisfy himself as to what lines were crossed and what actions he wants to take.

Most would come out better if they were as decisive as Onetime rather than letting their fear guide them.

I agree.

Your decisiveness works to your advantage, regardless of the end game.

Bigger is usually spot on with everything. I'd hate to know him in real life because I suspect he'd be right about more shit than me anytime we talked, lol. Seriously, I doubt there is a poster I take more seriously on this forum than bigger.

I am not a LEO but work with many and I know they are taught to evaluate the evidence carefully before acting so I agree where Bigger is coming from and think his approach is valid.

Unfortunately at this point the action plan is in motion and the outcome will be known soon. It doesn’t sound like the OP will be influenced to deviate from his plan at all.

From his postings OneTime has been very careful not to reveal much about the evidence he has, so I agree he deserves the benefit of the doubt that he has done his homework and knows to his requirements that the actions his WW have taken have effectively ended his marriage.

My thoughts are with the whole family tonight as today their lives have drastically changed.

i have felling that the relative silence from OneTime is the sound of the Shit Hitting The Fan!

Wishing you Strength and Patients in this difficult time!

I got confidence in him. I side with Bigger personally but everyone's IA and state laws are different. I think he will make a educated decision and be able to live with it.

Wishing him the best.

As william has said, you will find few as experienced and knowledgeable as Bigger on this forum. He has been here longer than I have and rarely do I disagree with his take on things, and especially being former LEO, he can relate.

I think being LEO is like certain other companies and professions, affairs seem even more prevalent than average, whether that is stress, position of power, working conditions, team mentality, or whatever it is.

I think you handle it well so far, waiting and analyzing before you act was what I did, weigh your options and anticipate possible responses and outcomes. Indifference will get you through this objectively. That is hard to do with emotions and family involved, but can help you decide if it's worth trying to save, or time to cut your losses and move on.

Illegal to tape a WW conversations to catch her

cheating.

No one ever has to know how the OP got his evidence.

He never has to prove the truth to himself. He just

tells his WW I do not have to prove the truth to

to you I know what and who. Then let her get served.

Maybe I’m missing something. But it doesn’t even seem that Marz disagrees with Bigger. Seems like Marz just didn’t read what Bigger said. Bigger’s point was about going to Internal Affairs with the accusations. I’d have to agree with Bigger on that point. You definitely would need more evidence than OnetTime has mentioned two take down two police officers. It actually sounded like he might have more evidence than he has actually mentioned here. But again Bigger is just warning him about going to IA because if he can’t back it up he might put his own job in jeopardy. However, Onetime said he wasn’t going to do that. I think the thing that may have threw Bigger off is that OneTime said he would go confront the other cop at his job.

Anyway, both seem to be saying it’s time to get out of infidelity.

Our state is not one for fault. He just to say he knows. It does not count for custody or spilt. I have a relative who specializes in divorce mediation and forensic accounting sat with her and her BFF discussing my possible divorce.

I hope you are OK

All of the most recent posters (including Bigger) agrees it is an A.

The evidence that we know about doesn't give OneTime much to counter any attempts by her to minimize and gas light.

Guys, let’s concentrate on what’s important!: OneTime and what he is doing right now!

OneTime, everyone here supports you and what you have to do to get out of his hell that you have been forced to deal with

You did nothing wrong! No matter what she says, you had NOTHING to do with her deciding to sleep with another man! And her deciding to sleep with him was not a mistake or an accident. It was her decision to fuck him, repeatedly!!!! She decided all by herself to let another man take her to bed and allow him to use her in a manner that she promised before her family, friends, and God that was reserved ONLY for you, until death do you part!!!!

You are doing what MUST BE DONE, for the good of your children and for you!

Trust me, I know that this sucks. You are thinking that today is the worst day of your life, and you are correct. But you are taking the correct steps to get yourself out of that hell!

Good for you!

Stay strong!

Keep doing the right thing!!!

I know you must be running on empty. But just keep telling yourself to keep moving forward, one step at a time!

[This message edited by 2018MLMM at 8:57 PM, March 27th (Tuesday)]

Quit the bickering and crosstalk. Let's see what happens before drawing lines in the sand about how we are right and others wrong. Onetime, if you are still with us, let us know how you are.