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My question is just what the subject line says: do you believe in soul mates?

I used to when I was younger. Back then I believed there was one perfect woman out there and that someday we'd run into each other and it would be perfect and awesome.

Now I don't believe in soul mates. Not at all.

[This message edited by funnelcakes at 10:48 PM, April 8th (Sunday)]

I DID believe in soulmates, and now I'm not so sure. One thing about my idea of a soulmate is we were supposed to work together, through the good times and the tough times. I never thought "soulmates" meant it should be easy or like living in a fantasy world with perpetually in-love feelings. I felt that we meet that special someone (almost like a soul-level recognition) who will help us in some way in our life journey, and we help them in theirs, both as individuals and as a committed couple. This way there's personal growth and deepening love that goes way beyond just the sparks.

I don't think there's necessarily just one "soulmate" for each person. I'd like to believe that after the intense pain of this relationship, there will be an upgraded special someone out there, someone who is a much better fit. Maybe I'm learning the (really f-ing hard) lessons I needed to with this one, and once I do the healing work, there could be a better, healthier relationship out there. I don't think I could trust anyone for some time. I'd would like to be able to trust again on a deep level.

Yes, she is my best friend. We met in the sixth grade. Now, almost 50 years later, it doesn't matter how often we talk, how often we see each other, how much time is in between, when we are together we are at peace. We are home.

I love my husband and he loves me, but I believe that love is a choice and an action. Soul mates are completely different. I.e. my bff.

I don't believe in soul mates in the romantic sense. I never have. But, I do believe that there are people you are meant to interact with over your lifetime. Every person I have encountered has had something to teach me and I hope I have done the same for them. Some of the lessons have been difficult, but they have been necessary for my development.

NL

Regarding girlfriends...

I tell my daughter those will be the greatest loves of her life. And I really believe it.

I believe this, too. My BFF and I have been a thing for 21 years and I know without a doubt we're friends forever. I don't think that about relationships at all anymore, not even my current one. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, well, I'll be just fine.

And Chili, I only kick the shins of jackasses who marry me and then screw around.

I don't believe in soulmates. I do think that there can be a rare combination that can match each others strengths and deficits between two people but that's not the soul. But I don't think there's just *one* person out there in the world for us. And I think if you operate under the assumption that there is, it will be hard to sustain a relationship because you'll always be looking over your shoulder.

I used to... but that rosy unicorn filled universe has since imploded..

I do believe there is more than one person whom you can truly love and happily build a life with..

[This message edited by LilBlackCat at 12:55 PM, April 10th (Tuesday)]

No, never have. I am very often severely pragmatic as well.

I think of relationships along a line from CannotStandThem to HangOutAllOfTheTime. Most folks are not at either end, but somewhere along the line.

I also tend to think of sexual relationships the same way, along a line from NotAttractedOrNoFunAtAll to Yowza!

In this rather simplified view if someone is HangOutAllOfTheTime (or near that) and Yowza! (or near that) then they're likely to be my partner. If, you know, they want...

I believe that soulmates are not just people in love. They are souls who have been together through many lifetimes. When They meet in THIS lifetime, sometimes there is an inner thunk of recognition.

I had a very spiritual friend. She was the widow of a man who could see dead people. She hypnotized me once back to a past life, which answered a couple of questions about THIS life. She told me that her spirit guide told her two things about myself and my husband:

In a past life, we had been father and son

In this life, we were both going on to level 7 (highest) when we died.

Take it, or ignore it, as you like.

Namaste

Glad to hear that wildbananas. You know, back when we were riding *the bus* together, you got a little out of hand. Just checkin'.

funnel: Ahhh....my man Mr. Cusack. Back in the day when I thought that soul mate shit was how it was supposed to go. I mean, they even wrote great songs that sucked you into believing that nonsense was possible. Snake oil assholes.

ETA: devotedman - loving your "Yowza!" (and resisting asking you to fully define it for our amusement).

[This message edited by Chili at 1:20 PM, April 9th (Monday)]

I say yes I do, but I also believe you can be happy with multiple people. There might be "the one", but being with someone who isn't "the one" may also not be settling either.

FC, That scene in "Say Anything" gets me every time!

ADH, I totally get the female friends thing! My ex often isolated me from my friends or used guilt to keep me from doing fun things with them. I spent years catering to him and missing out on real friend connections. For three years now, I've been able to rebuild my friendships.

I don't believe in soulmates. I do believe that there are selfish, disordered people out there and then there are kind and genuine people out there. If you're lucky enough to find a member of the desired sex that you have a connection with who is also kind, well, that may be the closest thing to a soulmate....

But, I don't believe in destiny.

"In your eyes, the light the heat, I am complete"

Now I'll be singing that sappy shit the rest of the day!

I don't believe in soulmates.

I believe that people that commit to one another and make the work necessary to maintain their relationship are the ones that have a happiest, more stable future.

The only problem out there is finding the person willing to do the emotional work to grow into the relationship and to maintain it healthy.

I believe in Marzipan's Soulmate "Shmoopies" - the ones who brought all of us together here, that is. We are proof positive that they exist!

I married ex-asshat when I was 20; if I met him today and he asked me out, I'd run screaming the opposite direction after I kicked him in the shins.

Nanners, I would do that too, but aim higher.

No. Never did actually. I always looked at it as there was a certain percentage of people that i could have a happy life with. Don't know what the percentage is. I know its not that big. but its more then one person.

I used to, when Say Anything was my favorite movie. (In Your Eyes was my ex and my wedding song)

The only time my ex and I went to a marriage therapist and he spoke about his girlfriend, and how he thought she was his soulmate, the therapist said, "whenever I hear the word soulmate, I anticipate a lot of justification of bad behavior." It wasn't funny then, but it I think of her saying that whenever I hear those words.

But a part of me thinks that Sting is my soulmate. My soul hums when I see or hear him. But maybe that isn't my soul....

[This message edited by million pieces at 6:51 PM, April 10th (Tuesday)]

Absolutely, right up until the first D-Day.

Since then, I want my $2.

I believe there multiple compatibilities, and some of them can be very deep. I also have been harshly coached that those connections are not permanent and rely on continued personal choices by each person.

Instead of a soulmate I'd like to meet a woman I could have a meal with and not have to overwhelming urge to pour a glass of ice water over her head and walk out of the restaurant stiffing her with the check.

A man has to have standards, amiright?

no to soul mates and think there are many people who would fit the bill for a good relationship.