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I believe you are doing very well navigating the situation in which you found yourself. I really think you have a wife who will not be going down that road of deceit again. I only have one criticism. Do not let this keep you from any social events or invitations. Maybe God gave me too much confidence in myself for there is no way, on this earth, where I would let a low life scum sucking POS keep me from doing anything I wanted to do. If anyone should decline it should be him. In fact I would even go to the events/social engagements just to make him uncomfortable. Don't give him the opportunity to say he kept you from something because you were afraid to attend. I do wish you well.

You caught this in the early stages - good. Your ONLY path forward is to assume that she will do this again.

This means that she needs to break that person who can cheat. First step is counseling. Second step is HER exposing to her own parents that she had an affair.

Staying in that area is not healty for you.

OM is right there. She can see him every day,hear stories about him from other women etc...

Your kids are friends with his kids

I have returned to the thread after a 2 day break and thank you for advices.

I received one phone msg from AP, offerring a meeting where he could clarify his position and move on, threw me into a fit for some minutes but I have chosen not to respond so far.

I have come across his wife once while she was driving back and we exchanged hi. She was far enough to strike a conversaton and I didnt feel it was appropriate that I walk over and start a chat.

I could see she was still very miserable.

Current Status with my: My wife is suffering. She is embarrassed and ashamed and my guess it is the realisation of facing the facts of living in a world where her actions brought in completely new circumstances that is troubling her.

After a lot of effort, she was able to go to her physical regimen- gym/walk today.

She has been messaging small things and apologies to me through the day while we are in office and sent me a "I am sorry" card with a bouquet of flowers to my office today...of course without her name.

I have suggested IC to her. She is thinking about it

About moving or living as neighbours: I hear the apprehensions as well as advice. I did attend the FIFA world cup final screening in the common area and cheered wildly for the teams we support along with the gang of families of newly made friends. OM and OPW were absent. I could see their kids around. I agree, I dont have anything to be shy about. But I also havent been speaking about it. Lets see how it goes, maybe we will have to take "some" action down the line.

Or maybe I would have to preempt a situation and move out sooner?

My PI has been making available a daily digest of phone calls, whatsapp msgs and location tracking....along with his analysis. There has been just one out of normal action in the last few days and that was to a flower shop and we know that one. I will continue this ... not feeling good about this but this is the minimum I have to do for a month or so.

My wife has tried to be physically intimate this weekend along with her apologies. I must say it was hard to resist but I put on an oscar performance and begged off saying I am not ready yet. I dont know how long I will be able to stay aloof. Any guidance around this point would be welcome. Should I totally abstain? Should I fall in?

Lastly how am I feeling? I think much better. I am able to see suffering of other people, which means my own world has gotten much better. Spending the whole 48 hrs of the weekend together as a family has helped. I am not hurting. I am still numb but not hurting like I was a week back.

Will return soon.

Hi sbs

It’s always good to take a break and focus on the family.

One question I asked previously is what does your WW think of the POSOM now? Do you think she is pining away for him? Does she see him in a new light now, one in which he was a threat to her family and M? That is important.

I would still insist on IC. Maybe offer to attend some sessions on your own too.

You mentioned you were getting Not Just Friends. Did it arrive and is she reading it?

I feel like with all you know (an incredible amount compared to other BS’s) you are very safe that she won’t rekindle this A. But the question is, how do you trust her not to do this again with someone else. That is what she needs to work on in IC.

As for intimacy, that is your call. At this point you know 99.9% what her A entails. At some point if you truly want to R you will need to reconnect in a physical way as well.

Perhaps have a discussion first. Let her know that physical as well as emotional intimacy is part of a long path to healing. Just because you have sex, it doesn’t mean you are no longer hurt. That will take a long time. Months, perhaps years.

But you can let her know you are willing to try to have tender moments with her again when you are ready. I suspect the emotional intimacy will be more triggering for you than the physical.

And keep that PI in place as long as you can. This is all so new. If you have the resources to do so I would go for a 2nd or 3rd month. It’s when things get a little more normal that you have to be diligent.

Good job.

Ps: does her walk regiment mean that she’s again doing neighborhood laps with the other women? How do you ensure that AP is not back involved with that?

My wife has tried to be physically intimate this weekend along with her apologies. I must say it was hard to resist but I put on an oscar performance and begged off saying I am not ready yet. I dont know how long I will be able to stay aloof. Any guidance around this point would be welcome. Should I totally abstain? Should I fall in?

I don't see any reason to deny yourself this pleasure if you feel like doing it. You can always say it doesn't change how upset you are and how you are still trying to figure out what you want to do.

Another good read is "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair". Read it first, then give it to her.

Some will say she is trying to use sex to rugsweep and have you move on. But hysterical bonding (hb) in these situations is pretty normal. It is one way for you to feel like you have taken back the control in your M, and also a way to reconnect with your WW. There is no right or wrong answer. Some have sex right away with a WS and some wait a year or more. It’s your call.

I hope your WW does get some IC. It could help her.

Hi SBS,

Many thanks for the update.

As stevesn wisely says, it is good to take regular breaks. Too much focus on one thing can produce a kind of tunnel vision, or lead to depression. It is much healthier to engage with something, then give yourself a few days of something less intense/more enjoyable, before returning to the issue.

Obviously, this is an emotional and painful chain of events, and that can be helped by simply opening up and talking. That may be to close friends, or this forum, or an individual counsellor. My view is ‘the more the merrier’ when it comes to identifying and using resources that can help support you and help you get through this.

There are quite a few things that occur to me, and I hope you will forgive me if this post is quite long.

To begin with, I wonder if you have begun to work on a recovery plan.

It is likely that you have not, because none of us did in the immediate aftermath of discovery. It is much more common to feel totally disoriented, like everything we took for granted has gone, and to have little idea about how to proceed. Hell, who knows how to do something like this until they have been through it? Fortunately, there are actually a number of ‘tools’ and techniques that have been found to be effective, and some have already been mentioned in this thread already.

It seems to me that you are doing well at controlling your emotions, and that you have knowledge and experience of the world of business, and those two elements can be very useful to you in the coming weeks.

I mentioned a recovery plan for you. To begin at the beginning, we could think of its basis in terms of strategy and tactics. In business, ‘strategy’ means ‘where we want to be’. ‘Tactics’ are ‘how we are going to get there’.

One of the frequent things said after an affair has been discovered is that the betrayed spouse should take their time to figure out what they want. There is good, sound reasoning behind having a period of detached thinking, observation, and evaluation. If we jump into divorce through anger, a sense of betrayal, etc, we may wreck something before we have any idea of whether or not it can be saved.

Conversely, if we leap straight into reconciliation out of desperation to ‘save’ things, including rug-sweeping, and rose-tinted spectacles, we may be blinding ourselves to issues that have to be resolved before a realistic reconciliation can happen.

So as frustrating as it is, I think you should accept that the next few months are going to need you to be as detached and neutral as possible. Do not make your wife any promises, one way or the other.

If your wife is uncomfortable with that, you can say something along the lines of, “Your actions have given me a great deal to think about, and I need time to process it all. I have to have that time, because if I rush the process, I may make the wrong decision. We both have a lot of thinking to do about whether we move forward from this together, and how that can happen. That cannot be rushed, and I ask that you give me the time that I need, and that you use the time to investigate why you did the things you did, and what it says about your commitment to me, the marriage, and the family.”

Your wife needs to understand that what she did is not going away in the space of a few days, with apologies and a bunch of flowers.

And speaking of which, if you need your wife to go into IC and do the work on her lack of boundaries and commitment, then you are within your rights to tell her that. Tell her that it is entirely up to her whether she does it or not, but that you need her to do it as part of your healing.

If she pleads ignorance about what she needs to explore – and with apologies if these are triggers for you – you could make her a list.

1) Why she had no boundaries in place to protect the marriage and family.

2) What her true level of commitment is.

3) Why she was open to being coached by the other man about how to deceive you (deleting messages, etc).

4) Why she developed such a strong emotional attachment to a virtual stranger, and an obvious bullshit merchant, so quickly.

5) How long she thinks it would have been until the affair became physical if you had not discovered it.

6) Whether she wants to be taken seriously as a ‘safe’ life partner in future, and what changes she is going to make to achieve that. This requires totally pulling apart the lack of commitment, boundaries, and honesty that allowed her to switch loyalties with so little thought about the significance of the action, or what the likely consequences would be.

7) Whether she wants to continue the marriage, and why.

8) Whether she understands that marriage and families are about teamwork, and protecting the team, rather than selfish individualism.

9) What she believes the impact of divorce would be on you, on her, and on the kids.

She needs to own her actions, and the selfish recklessness of them. And she needs to understand that she has pushed the marriage and family close to destruction.

I get the impression that you want to save the marriage, and that is fine, but what I suggest is that you play that down for several weeks in your interactions. Your wife ought to be encouraged that you have not filed for divorce already, but she needs to have a ‘scare’ thrown into her. Not out of cruelty, but because she needs motivation to do the work on herself that is so clearly needed. As I said, flowers and saying sorry are nice, but they are like putting a band-aid on a broken leg. Accept them graciously, thank her for them, but do not let them distract either of you from the issues that your wife has not even begun to address.

Now, if you need some positive encouragement for your wife to go into IC and begin pulling apart her cheating mechanism, try, “It will help you figure this out, become more trustworthy, and it can actually make the marriage stronger if you commit to it and do the work. And that can only be good for both of us, and for the kids”.

Hard to find a downside to that, right?

As for the sex? That is up to you. Peoples’ attitudes can vary widely. Some people enter a period of what is called ‘hysterical binding’, as others have mentioned. The sex is frequent, uninhibited, and often strongly emotional. It has been likened to a reclaiming of territory, but the strange things is that after it burns out, people can find themselves left with a numb emotional flatness.

For others, particularly where affairs went physical, they may feel their partner is physically repulsive, and sexual intimacy reminds them too much of actions with the affair partner. Although it is early days, you have not fallen into either of those camps, and I believe that is a good thing.

Fortunately, the affair did not become physical (going by all the evidence that you have), so the element of physical betrayal is absent. That is a big advantage when it comes to reconciliation. However, emotional betrayal is just as powerful, and you ned to allow yourself time to work out how you feel about physical intimacy at a time when much work remains to be done by your wife to prove that she is truly ‘back’ in the marriage, mentally and emotionally.

In fairness, it could be argued that a reconnection on the physical level, and the pleasure of it, cannot hurt, just as long as you do not let it distract you from the steps your wife needs to be taking to fix herself.

To use a vulgar analogy – with apologies - a damaged marriage cannot be screwed back together. However, if you can build and progress with a recovery plan for both of you, and stick to it, then physical intimacy can be fun, and can help to rebuild part of the overall connection between you.

I received one phone msg from AP, offering a meeting where he could clarify his position and move on, threw me into a fit for some minutes but I have chosen not to respond so far.

Wow. Just wow. I am not surprised that message mad you mad. It is making me mad, and I am not directly involved. I can see why this pr*ck works in corporate hospitality, because he identifies what people want – as he did with your wife – and then applies it by the truckload to get what he wants. And now, with his message, he is trying to control the narrative.

1) He suggested the meeting, you didn’t.

2) He is suggesting his position needs ‘clarifying’. There is nothing to be clarified; he was actively trying to pull your wife into an affair, using every corny trick in the book.

3) He is suggesting that one meeting will suffice for him – not you or your wife – but for him to ‘move on’, as if this is a tiresome, trivial misunderstanding that he can free himself from with some deceitful bullshit (something he specialises in).

4) There is no apology. He is treating it as a misunderstanding on your part that he is prepared to ‘clarify’ for you, not an affair that he needs to apologise for.

So, Slick Willy is clearly in damage limitation mode, and trying to take control of the situation. As annoying as that is, it is very revealing.

I believe he is scared, and with good reason. You can tell everyone in that community what he was trying to do, and warn all of the men to be very watchful of him around the womenfolk. You may be planning legal action. You may be fixing to make his day with a Louisville Slugger. You may be planning a bitter divorce that is going to make the affair the talk of that exclusive little bubble for years to come.

And he does not like that element of ignorance. He literally has no idea what you may be planning to do, and so he is fishing for information. So you know what? Keep the reptile ignorant! Do not respond to his message, do not respond if he approaches you. The more you are a closed book, the more unsettling it is for him. Why give him the peace of mind he hoped his ‘clarification’ meeting would bring him?

I believe that he probably does not know how much your wife has told you, such as the coaching about how to cover their digital trail, or his attempts to take trips alone with her, because those elements cannot be redeemed by any clarification. They were blatant attempts to draw your wife into a physical affair, plain and simple.

What he hopes is that you are ignorant of all those things, and that he can pass it off as a well-meaning friendship that your poor, goofy, needy wife misunderstood and took too seriously, and that in fact she pursued him while he just thought he was being nice to a lady who wanted attention.

Know this, regardless of anything else you do: he will never, ever, ever admit what he was doing. He cannot, but going beyond that, he probably prides himself on his ability to manipulate people with words. He does it every day for work, he did it to your wife, and he would like to do it to you.

I have three things to say to that. No, no, and no.

Part of what I think is helping you to start feeling better is that you are regaining control of your life. So do not cede one ounce of control to him. Instead, work out what you want, and let him fit in with that.

I see no benefit to you in a meeting, but if you do choose to have one, then I would suggest:

1) It happens when you want it, at a venue/location that you choose.

2) Both wives are present.

3) He agrees to the discussion being recorded, and he is free to bring his own recorder.

4) There is no talk of a ‘friendship’. The relationship is always referred to as an affair.

5) You make a comprehensive list of all of his predatory actions which he will be asked to explain.

6) He is asked where he thought the affair was going, and whether he was prepared to destroy two families for it.

If you were to send him that list of conditions, how keen do you think he would be to attend such a meeting?

Remember: you control the narrative, not him. You control the narrative, not your wife.

Current Status with me: My wife is suffering. She is embarrassed and ashamed and my guess it is the realisation of facing the facts of living in a world where her actions brought in completely new circumstances that is troubling her.

As part of your efforts to remain detached and ‘on the fence’, you need to be honest enough to assess what proportion of this is her feeling sorry for herself and the consequences she is beginning to face, and what proportion is genuine remorse for hurting you, and for damaging the family. A major ‘tell’ will be the actions she takes to fix herself and become a safer life partner, wife, and mother, and how willing she is to make the effort.

I have suggested IC to her. She is thinking about it.

My view is that IC for her is absolutely essential, for the reasons I have outlined earlier. This was not a mistake, nor was it an inconsequential flirtation. Your wife was on an increasingly slippery slope that was leading to the destruction of the marriage, and she has to ‘own’ that and treat it with the seriousness it deserves. And if you need her to go to IC, and she wants to do what you need, then she ought to booking her first session now, not ‘thinking about it’.

About moving or living as neighbours…

Take your time, and think through how you want things to be. Right now, you have the power to ‘out’ the OM to the entire community, so the narrative belongs to you.

What I think you need to work on is what the boundaries are for your wife in relation to the OM and his wife, and what boundaries you want for yourself.

As unpleasant as this may be right now, think through and prepare yourself for what happens when you and your wife may be at a social event and the OM and his wife walk in. This rehearsal and planning will be as important for you as it is for your wife, and if you did decide to get some individual counselling yourself, the question of ‘What should I do when I see that guy around?’ would be a very good one to work through. A good IC can provide a way for you to mentally frame it, and to control the natural feelings of anger that any of us would have.

My PI has been making available a daily digest of phone calls, whatsapp msgs and location tracking....along with his analysis. There has been just one out of normal action in the last few days and that was to a flower shop and we know that one. I will continue this ... not feeling good about this but this is the minimum I have to do for a month or so.

As others have said, it seems likely that you caught the affair in time, and that your wife will have had enough of a scare to put her off any resumption of it. However, it is much too early to assume anything, so a continuation of monitoring is really a wise and necessary precaution.

To be honest, if it is financially practical to do so, I would continue the same level of monitoring for at least three months. It would be nice to think that your wife is ‘over’ that guy, and is now cured of any desire for an affair, but as many threads here attest, it is not unknown for an affair to go quiet immediately after discovery, and then to resume when people think the coast is clear. This is exactly what IC for your wife is designed to combat, by breaking down her affair mechanism and replacing it with commitment to the marriage.

It is quite likely that at some point the OM will contact your wife on the pretext of caring about how she is doing, and in amongst the bullsh*t and fairydust, he will ask what she has told you, and what evidence you have. I hope that you have made it a condition that your wife tells you about any and all contact with him. You have the advantage of your insight into electronic commumication, which neither of them know about, so you can see if there is any unadmitted contact via that route. However, he may try accidentally bumping into her on her evening walk, once he sees she has resumed them.

Lastly how am I feeling? I think much better. I am able to see suffering of other people, which means my own world has gotten much better. Spending the whole 48 hrs of the weekend together as a family has helped. I am not hurting. I am still numb but not hurting like I was a week back. Will return soon.

This is very good to see, SBS. You have a good head on your shoulders, and I am glad that you can enjoy life, and that the horrible ‘helter skelter’ chaotic feeling that follows discovery of an affair is starting to dissipate as things become clearer. I hope that continues, and that you continue to strike a balance between enjoying the good things in everyday life while remaining in vigilant, neutral, verifying and assessing mode in the background.

Take care, SBS. We are rooting for you.

[This message edited by M1965 at 2:09 AM, July 17th (Tuesday)]

stungbutstrong,

The decisive actions you've taken will help you heal because it has given you a measure of control, gave you knowledge of her actions and reduced the fear that uncertainty brings.

Overall I would give her a failing grade at this early stage. She wasn't ready to give you details, isn't sure about IC, held to the notion of him being a "friend". Glimpses of positives are the apologies, the details she finally provided, and the card and flowers, that may be an expression that comes from her love language. IMO this isn't enough of a plan in her part to help you heal. And certainly not *any* plan going forward that would earn your trust by her arriving at some understanding of behavior and the causes. Absent that, she remains a risk to you.

Many of her statements are centered on herself and that is understandable at this early stage. However, she has a tough climb if she remains at that stage. "Thinking" about IC will not get her past the shame, regret, sorrow. Her emotions are correct, she just hasn't formulated a plan to effectively deal with them. This:

She begged forgiveness

is not an effective plan. It is not a means of understanding herself or helping you heal. I consider it a "shortcut" to assuage her guilt. It is a shortcut because she doesn't have to put in any work. Asking for forgiveness *from you* to assuage her guilt and regret is self centered. I'll say selfish, IMO.

IMO, there will be more considerable fallout from her actions among the social circle. She will likely lose some of her associations with her female group. Most assuredly, some of them took notice of the dynamics between her and the OM. Expect there will some distancing from her, and that could result it a spillover into distancing the two of you as a couple.

You confronted and killed the EA. What are the next steps? IMO, she better start getting her backside in gear to put in some extremely hard work. That is how she earns your grace and perhaps forgiveness. Otherwise she represents an unacceptable risk to you and your family.

You've done very well. My concern for you is that you crash after the adrenaline rush of the PI and confrontation leaves your body.

his predatory actions

He may have been the predator but it takes two and she was all in. She needs IC. She has very poor boundaries and needs to work on that.

What real consequences has she faced? The humiliation of a polygraph? Exposure to family and friends? Proposed post-nup? IC requirement? ANYTHING besides disclosure to obs and self-professed shame?

Or, will just flowers and HB carry the day?

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 9:58 PM, July 16th (Monday)]

When EA partners are in physical proximity of each other they have sex. They all say "no sex" but I've never seen a single case where it did not turn physical. Never, not one. And every single betrayed husband responds exactly like you have so far. In your heart you know they had sex but your mind refuses to accept it. You want desperately to believe her and you will bend reality to fit her bullshit until the whole thing falls apart and you finally get the truth. Your PI must be new to the job because if he really had any experience he'd never validate your WW's lies. Besides, why did you pay for a PI and not let him do his job? Wasn't he supposed to keep track of her for a while to see if she met up with him for sex? Why else hire him? And what's with you reviewing some video of your WW with friends in a public place and feeling vindicated because they didn't have sex right there in public?

I think you can get to the truth if you speak with OM's wife and trade/verify both of the cheaters stories. You can bluff your wife by claiming to have gotten a lot of information from OM's wife and you are giving her one last chance to come clean about everything and if she keeps on lying you are going to divorce her. Keep digging - they had sex and the evidence is there once you truly open your eyes to it.

Has your wife admitted she was about to cross the line to PA or is she maintaining it was only an inappropriate friendship?

Hi Stevesn

One question I asked previously is what does your WW think of the POSOM now? Do you think she is pining away for him? Does she see him in a new light now, one in which he was a threat to her family and M? That is important.

I don’t know. She does admit now that it was an affair. She admits she was stupid to get into this. I have not asked her how does she feel about him now. Should I?

Hi M965,

Thanks for spending so much time and advising me.

I am now prepared to make a recovery plan. For her IC, I have asked for her preferences. She wants me to set it up for her. IC and MC are still very new terms in the society we live in and I am trying to find a well reputed professional for the job. Maybe I will retain the same professional for myself as well.

At this juncture, yes I am inclined to save the marriage. But this does not mean I cant pursue a D. I am at crossroads and her actions and responses are going to drive the direction, not mine.

As for the PI, I will extend it to 3 months.

For the AP, I have no interest in meeting him or listening to his clarifications etc etc. It is none of my business. My business is at home and unless he acts stupid and approaches her again, or I do not unearth something else, I am not inclined to have any communication with him.

Trustedg, I completely agree that it take 2 to tango. So the A is not solely the SOB’s actions. My wife is equally if not more complicit.

Hi ISurvived7734,

Thanks for your opinion. I have my ears to the ground. I am narrating the happenings and circumstances as they are happening and seeking continuous feedback. The PI is still on the job, so is surveillance. My means of surveillance are still unknown and it hasn’t stopped. Of course confrontation has happened. I am almost certain that AP will try and approach her someday in the coming 2-3 weeks . It might be just to clarify/explain/close his position with her or to safeguard his interests as his wife would definitely come across my wife being in the same circle.

Hi Midnightrun,

I agree. It has been a lopsided easy way back in for the wife so far. But I do have a plan in formation. For getting to anywhere near normal, it is going to be a long road for her. And this is not anger but realization I have had after going through the forum and advises. I also have a long distance to cover if I am ever able to put this behind me.

Hi Hidden,

Yes my continuous insistence of the word A has settled in. She was reluctant to utter the word, then broke into tears and said A and I now refers to it as A.

Will check in after a couple of days unless something bad happens. I hope I have a good week!

stungbutstrong, sorry this all happened and that I am late to this thread for context. So after reading it all I would only add this.

I have a concern for her reluctance to accept what she did is an affair. She cheated and has to come to terms with it. She cries now about it but needs to use the word on her own.

Cheating is the moment a decision is done to cross the line, whether it is physical or emotional the line is crossed. Therefore she has to look in the mirror, take 100% of the blame, and definitely get some IC.

Her response to "think about it" is unacceptable, she already sounds like she wants to simply "hit the resume" button on life as if what she did never happened. If you let her change the vernacular out of pity or her manipulation, she will never get past it and fix what went wrong within her.

If it ever comes up, there should never be MC until she completes IC and knows what went wrong.

Whatever you do, don't let this "resume" to normally. Marriage is never the same after cheating but that does not mean it is a bad thing. Think of it as once healing has run its course and she through IC and other means is now a better person for it that the marriage is a new relationship a fresh start, you don't want the past hanging over you.

D is also a viable option as many waywards don't want to put in the work or the BS cannot start fresh.. no need to try and force it...

Best of luck at your crossroads, but don't stand sill in limbo or stay on the "previous road" as if nothing happened.

Sending strength.

[This message edited by atreides at 8:03 PM, July 18th (Wednesday)]

Hi SBS, how's everything going ? Did you ask her about what she felt for him ? Were ILY's exchanged during the affair ? Has she committed to IC yet ? I know you have cameras in your complex but what if they met outside of it ? Have you considered a poligraph to determine if at least kissing or sex was involved ? Did she ever considered stopping the affair at some point and if so why didn't she ? If not PA yet, how close does she think she was from letting it happen ?

I know it's recent but is she showing signs of true remorse or just regret that she was caught ?

Did ever get more feedback from OBS ?

Update:

I finished "Not Just Friends" and then handed it over to the wife. She started it yesterday and we are still to discuss it.

My PI is still on the job. I get all message and phone recordings on a daily basis. She has tried to reach out to her college friend - best buddy- room mate who lives overseas and tried to confide to her to the A she got into and asking for her advice as to how to get things back to normal with me. This has been over a few phone calls and she has refused to go into the details of A with her friend confessing it embarrasses her no end and she must have been so stupid to risk her life, marriage and kids to fall into an A. So far so good.

The AP has not tried to make further contact with me or her to the best of my knowledge.

I have not been able to talk to AP's wife but she has surprisingly returned occasionally to the friend group with whom my wife takes her evening stroll. There already have been some awkward moments for them as APs house is offlimits for my wife and our house is offlimits for APs wife as per our NC pact and the friend group does go over to someones's place for a cup of coffee or tea once in a while. I guess my home and the other home are the only one's left and she is running out of excuses.

Apart from that PI has also reported a lunch she had with a male colleague from the same office but now in a different department. I know the guy and his family for many years and she has told me that she does have lunch with different colleagues - sometimes in groups and sometimes one to one including him to catch up with office gossip and politics. I dont see much into that. The phone recording I got was when they exchanged on phone which cuisine stall they were in and if they are able to find a seat in the crowded cafeteria.

As far as "We" are concerned, we ended up having some great time in bed. So "hysterical" etc all that is very true. Actually the time we had even beats the time we used to have when we were just married and much younger. I do get I am sorry and I love you messages from her when she is in office-on and off.

We have also sat together and tried to create a list of behaviours/actions which we we want/wish the other to try to improve upon and set a priority order to it. We are still discussing it but the list is a revelation for both her and me. At least it has got us talking regularly.

The hurt is still there. But I realize I am better off in company than alone..... a good shift from a few days back where i was shunning all company.

Will check in a few days.

Thanks for checking in, your PI is doing a great job and it's important to keep monitoring her phone conversations for more details of the A, Also I don't know if you had time to read my questions, have you considered a polygraph to determine if it ever went from EA to PA ? sometimes cheaters admit to more right before it (parking lot confession) I think you need to reach out to OBS to compare notes of the A.

A good update stungbutstrong. You are doing well. So far your P.I. reports reflect that indeed your WW is ashamed and embarrassed by her actions. Good. Hopefully she will also empathize with how much her actions hurt you as well. Enjoy the hb. Be vigilant. Keep on, keepin on.