SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

64fleet,

Almost 15 years out and still have that feeling that I could have been happily re-married to someone else right now, without all the baggage and the spent effort. It so much fucking hard work I often wonder if it's been worth it.

We've made our decisions and have to make the best of them.

Life can be such a bitch sometimes!

64fleet - I have an still am a big fan of your posts. We have both been on this site for a very long time. And I do agree with you on this one. And yes, it is just so much fucking hard work. Work that never really paid off in the end. The sad part is that a simple, heartfelt, sincere apology would have make it all better. But that was and is never to be.

I stayed for several years after I suspected his "friend" was more than that because my kids were at points that I thought "A divorce now would be TERRIBLE timing."

My DD had an eating disorder, but was in recovery~and in college. My DS was getting ready to start college, with a very challenging engineering program.

I waited until I felt they were both at more stable/better points, hired a PI, and my suspicions were confirmed. This also gave me time to figure out my/our financial situation, and frankly, to figure out how to get through the mess called "divorce."

[This message edited by tigerfann at 3:09 PM, October 30th (Tuesday)]

I stayed for over eight years, now finally going to file.

I think basically I stayed out of fear. Fear of WS kidnapping the kids, fear of being financially devastated (which is happening now, as I predicted, but the kids are grown now), fear of the house foreclosing (which is happening now)and then as I'm moving out, he would move OW and OC's in (which is still a possibility, but I could't have dealt with it then); fear that I couldn't support myself, fear of losing family and friends and mainly fear of losing the only love I had. I was also in a deep deep depression.

Actually, as I'm writing this, all of my fears were true. It is happening now as I predicted, but now I had no other choice. Before, I could try to turn a blind eye and did as my soul was slowly eroded away.

I stayed because I love him. I always knew I loved him, but didn't know I could love him through this kind of betrayal. I stayed because I believe he loves me too, and I believe he regrets what he did and what it did to me and to us. I stayed because he listened to me when I told him what had to change in our relationship and our lives and now we are on a much better path as a couple than before I learned of his affair.

If I had found out when the kids were younger, when they were still seeing each other, I may have felt differently. I'll never know. It helped that his affair was long over, but it hurt that their friendship was not. I made him give up all contact with her, and I scared her off for good, and we are moving forward, day by day.

I never thought I would stay with him if he cheated, but I never thought he would cheat either. I was surprised that my first instinct was to save my marriage and that instinct has not wavered. I ask myself almost daily if our life together is worth what he has put me through and so far the answer is always yes.

I tell myself that any further betrayal leads me straight to a divorce lawyer, and I hope I never have to learn if I have the nerve to keep that deal with myself.