SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello everyone. I have been away dealing with our relationship.

As I said before I have decided to reconciliate and move on. Now I’m working on healing and fixing our marriage.

The problem I’m facing the most is the anger I have toward the OM. He lives in the same city and I knew him as a colleague.

I have an urge to face him and kick the shit out of him and scare the hell out of him.

How do you guys deal with that?

Did your WW confess about the extent of their relationship? The trip and the time leading to it?

I'm sorry to hear about the lingering anger concerning your wife's affair.

Does your wife admit that her friendship was an affair? That she destroyed you and your marriage? Is your wife remorseful? How has her behavior changed? Is she in IC to fix herself so this does not repeat?

Are you in IC?

As noted previously, one of the consequences of giving her the benefit of the doubt and sweeping the affair under the rug is the BS's anger (and ongoing distrust).

Your wife should read: NOT JUST FRIENDS by Shirley Glass.... and the book:

Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by MacDonald.

Why? Because it's important that your wife acknowledges that she had an affair (not just a friendship). She will then understand that her behavior has hurt you, damaged your marriage - and requires her to fix herself or your marriage will fail. It's not enough for her to hear it from you ...she needs to read the books and go to IC.

Your colleagues ethical obligation to you pales in comparison to your wife's moral failure. To a large extent you processed her affair as if she was an innocent victim and the OM is a predator. Your rationalization is common (we all think we married a saint).

I think you still have a lot of anger at your wife for her betrayal of her vows (and with good reason) for not protecting her marriage, her kids and you vs her 'friendship'.

Plus you may be angry at yourself because you're continually rethinking the evidence (and wondering if you've been cuckolded).

Innocent woman don't have secret relationships, take a vacation with other men, or then lie/hide about who's on the plane/trip - and no man travels to a resort without a room reservation.

You can't forgive or have closure because you don't have all the facts. Give her a polygraph test.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 7:40 AM, October 3rd (Wednesday)]

Treat these thoughts as temptation and nothing more. This is a very natural and primal response. The repercussions to you may be significant.

You need to understand he is not worth it. Do a cost benefit analysis with the understanding that he is a punk and will call the police.

You likely will be charged with assault and battery and terroristic threatening. You will have lawyer fees, court costs, fines, and possibly

Jail time if you do a thorough job of beating his ass. He may sue you for medical costs and other damages if he can fake injury and get away with it or suffers severe injury. Restraint may be difficult during an altercation. You could take his life.

Second issue is he has no morals and will likely pull a weapon such as a firearm and use it. The situation could easily escalate so think how far you are prepared to go. Are you prepared to use a weapon? Would a long stretch in prison be worth it or being stabbed, shot, or killed by him?

Lastly, responsibility for these feelings and the shit sandwich you were served belongs with your wayward wife. She did not inform you of the contact or behaved how a spouse should. She should have shut him down immediately and requested your help in the beginning. The guy would not even be in the picture if it were not for her immoral character and behavior.

I suggest you focus on if she is fixing herself such that she will never entertain adultery with another man.

If you beat his ass and he flees the country unless she has done the work she will find someone else. Do you really want to waste money, go to jail, and risk death for a woman with a moral deficit such that infidelity is an option for her?

If he is prowling around your property or in your house that is a very different matter or if you react out of self defense in response to a threat or feel threatened.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 7:51 AM, October 3rd (Wednesday)]