SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Im so sorry we are all forced into the same awful club. I gotta wait 20 more posts or so to PM you, but yes I really have no one out here since the move and I am kind of losing it. We move again in 1 week so I really can't setup any type of community so SI is helping me through some bad things.

I have a lot of questions for you, ill try and post fast.

We're all here for you, be strong, hit the gym, pick up a hobby, get in touch with old friends, just try to occupy your time doing something productive, thing do get easier with time but it's going to take a while for you to heal.

I was in a very similar situation, I moved to another country to be with my FWW. I have a small, not very close family that live thousands of miles away. I know what it’s like to feel alone.

You are not alone my friend, we will help to get you through this. Come back as often as you want, and ask for what you need.

I agree with Buster, I started going to the gym, and quite truthfully it really saved my life. I was the one place I could go that made my mind stop ruminating, and I could just focus on getting strong physically. No matter how shitty I felt, I always felt better after a good workout. The benefits are too numerous to list. It’s as good for your mind as it is for your body.

You have a big issue to deal with the the DC. That is why you need to have a good attorney to start with.

The thing is you can not have a second accusation.

Find a job, any job. Maybe two or volunteer somewhere. You need to stay away from her as much as possible. Get a video security system that records.

Once DC is fixed. Get a job and get the hell away.

OP-

Seriously...what you have been through is vile, evil, and sinister.

What are you doing? Seriously...what are you trying to save? What possible good can come from being with someone who laughs and cheers herself on after destroying you?

I mean this in the nicest way...but is being betrayed some kind of fetish to you? Because, that's what this looks like. At some point, even a clueless person would take the hints your WW has been writing on your forehead with a knife.

She literally called the Police and filed fake DV charges on you as an threat to manipulate you into deleting proof of her cheating? And you stayed? That's a death risk...people get shot by the Police. It's not a joke. Men get raped in prison...and she tried to put you there.

She laughed to friends about how she "destroyed" you...and you stayed?

She broke NC 3 times...and you stayed?

If that's not enough for you to eject, what would it take? What is your red line? Serious question...what does it take to get you to walk out?

Where is your "enough"?

Eject...or one day your going to find yourself crying with a gun in your mouth and a note next to the bed. For your own health...know when to say when.

Nobody deserves what happened to you.

Why should it matter whether what you feel is love or attachment? Do you get what you want in this relationship?

I am going to be very blunt here. You keep reiterating that she has made some changes and she is working on R. But do you know the reality?

She does care about you, but only like I care for my dog. I don't want to not have my dog. I don't want my dog to starve. I don't want my dog to not have a shelter. But do I respect my dog? No. It's a effin dog for eff's sake. I got it neutered. I got its tail docked. All that because it was convenient for me.

She helps you financially? Because you lost your job as a result of the false DV she filed.

She moved across country? That's a consequence of her affair.

None of this is her working on R. All of these are you deluding yourself into thinking that she cares about you. Like I said, she might care about you, but she does not respect you. Not a bit.

Please know what your worth is to her. Please don't take this humiliation in return for some sort of false security. If you don't act now, you'll have to live as a cuckold for the rest of your life. It doesn't mean that she would cheat on you again. But her entitled wayward mentality will forever think of you as the co-dependent coward who wouldn't leave her. And she might probably not cheat on you to avoid a drama. Not certainly because she respects you.

File now and don't even entertain the idea of an R unless she shows by concrete actions that she respects you.

[This message edited by hadji at 6:41 PM, December 5th (Wednesday)]