SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

double post

[This message edited by JpnHeartBreak at 4:18 AM, December 29th, 2018 (Saturday)]

Still here.. her sister and my female neighbour came to check on me today both of them and 4 seperate psychologists over the last 2 days have confirmed to me they feel as i do about the whole situation. My local doctor personally called me today to check up on me she is the best caring understanding doctor i have ever met. I think i'm more relieved than anything else. I'm country Aussie and I strongly believe lawyers sueing people is all bullshit. There is no way I could see her doing that and hurting the kids. I strongly believe she has some sort of mental health personality disorder maybe Bi polar (doubt it) Her family split apart from infidelity when she was 15 at 16 her boyfriend who was a close mate of mine died in a car accident. I was drinking with him that night and took his keys so he couldnt drive home. Later that night he sneaked his keys back fell asleep driving and hit a bridge and was killed. Woke to a phone call in the morning from his older brother that he had died. met her about a year later she became the older brothers girlfriend who boarded at my house. thats where we met initally i hooked up with her best friend for a while and was used and abused and ended it. My wife broke up from her boyfriend around the same time and we were friends for a long time and she needed a place to live to finish her last year of school and was living in my house in the spare room and after a while we eventually became a couple.

[This message edited by AnonGuy3333 at 5:32 AM, December 29th (Saturday)]

adding to that after her affairs were revealed in 2010 she cut her wrists and tried to kill herself.

The thing you need to see is how toxic this woman is to your life. You need to do what is neccesary to protect yourself and your kids.

a few weeks ago my 11yo daughter came to me late one night while watching tv alone. She said to me if you and mum break up who will stay here with her and her brother. before i could answer she wanted me to stay with her and mum go. Even the kids are tuned into her bullshit and i have never discussed it with them any more than mum and dad are having troubles. Shes my daughter she has been raised by a housedad! She is fearless, will have a go at anything will wear a princess dress with a zombie face paint. And her bullshit radar is excellent.

[This message edited by AnonGuy3333 at 6:19 AM, December 29th (Saturday)]

AnonGuy3333,

My xWW cheated right in my face, not bothering to hide it just like your ”wife”. I know how it is. It will bring you endless pain. You need to end this.

Notice that I put “wife” in quotes? She’s not really your wife anymore. She’s just a person who abuses you and it has to stop.

Your children are watching you and learning from your behavior. You are their role model. Is this what you want your children to learn? Do you want your daughter to marry, have her husband cheat on her right in front of her and her just take it? No? Why is it ok for you?

What you need to do is take control of the situation, not yelling or screaming, but in control, stop the abuse and get out of infidelity.

You tried to take step for R twice and she didn’t take that gift. You can’t control her actions, you can only control what you do. Now is time for D.

Take you kids and run for your life

Hey AnonGuy

As a fellow Victorian who is supporting other Aussies who are here on SI I implore you to listen to what the members are telling you. Reread their posts. And then read them again Yes some of the posts are harsh but they are doing it to help you out of this shit situation you are currently in.

Even your daughter can see through what her Mum is doing to you and the family.

Definitely get to a Harvey Norman or Officeworks store (our Australian equivalent of Walmart ) ASAP and get a voice activated recorder (VAR) to protect yourself from any false allegations or for recording her outbursts or possible physical attacks.

Has your wife been formally diagnosed with mental health problems or are you just making your own self diagnosis of her being bipolar?

Use the members posts to plan and implement actions that will get you out of this toxic environment.

I am sure other members will also post on your thread so heed their advice.

[This message edited by AFL1000 at 7:19 AM, December 29th (Saturday)]

Imagine this scenario:

You, your wife and your two kids are on a small boat in the middle of a deep lake. Boat capsizes and all four are floundering in the water.

For how long can you focus on saving ONE person that constantly struggles and pushes herself from the capsized boat?

For how long can you let the kids flounder about, treading water and expect them to be OK and safe waiting for that ONE person to be saved?

What is the likely outcome of focusing on saving your wife and ignoring your kids?

Especially considering your wife doesn’t seem to realize the floating capsized boat is the only safe place now.

Especially considering your kids (DD) have already asked you to save them?

Go back to my post. I don’t say you need to divorce. I’m telling you that you need to get out of infidelity. To stick to the capsized boat comparison: I’m telling you that you need to get your kids and yourself to the safety of the keel of the capsized boat. You can reach out and pull your wife towards that safety IF SHE offers her hand, but you no longer go swimming to her and trying to save her.

MAYBE – once she realizes what her true options are – she get’s on board with a normal, sane, healthy marriage. Heck… it definitely would need immense work. But MAYBE she just flounders further and further away from you as you paddle to safety.

I’m not telling you to divorce. I’m telling you to get yourself and your kids to dry ground. That dry ground might be reconciliation, it might be divorce. But it’s definitely not out there in the middle of the lake.

made contact with my divorcce lawyer friend

AnonGuy3333,

If your lawyer friend presents you with different options, go for what is best for your children.

Stay calm and in control. Keep on posting.

She said she had already approached family violemce hotline and had a plan to make a safe exit. That hurts I'm not a violent man i get upset rarely angry but she is scared i will kill myself her kids etc. I would never hurt her or the kids thats not me. If i didn't have kids I probably would be here today would have ended it years ago

I'm worried about you. It seem fairly blaten to be that this was/is a physical affair and that she is trying to paint you as a crazy lunic. The guy she is with has a history with domestic violence... this also means he knows the court system with DV. She could be telling him she is scared of you and he is telling her how to get a RO... while you are trying to "save the marriage." You really need to be looking out for yourself and your kids. I'm really glad you have contacted a lawyer.

For your own safety and the safety of your kids I think you should start recording all conversations you have with her. Get a VAR or use the app on your phone. We have seen many, many fake DV called put in by WW - without proof the police take the male away and it gets documented. A RO is filed and the male sometimes has to stay away from his kids for months. I think she is setting you up. Start recording conversations and start doing a 180. You need to protect yourself and the kids.

I'm really glad to hear that you are talking to your friend for legal advice. I'm worried about you. Also, what about getting the sim card out of the broken phone.

[This message edited by Freeme at 8:41 AM, December 29th (Saturday)]

WW just text me asking if I had hacked her facebook account yesterday i decided not to respond incase she uses that against me

is spying on her emails and stuff ok or not?

[This message edited by AnonGuy3333 at 2:41 PM, December 29th (Saturday)]

You could play dumb and ask her if there's anything on her fb you should know about.

Then tell her she needs to provide you with a polygraph.

There should be no secret messages in a M between two faithful partners. Your emails are open to her and vice versa. She can keep secrets from you if she wants, but it should only be as a divorced woman. Without transparency and honesty there can be no trust. She has destroyed her right to be trusted by having an A.

[This message edited by fareast at 3:29 PM, December 29th (Saturday)]

Btw... never reveal your sources!

You have gotten good advice. Your wife is having an affair. She is abusive and you are in a dangerous position. She is threatening to claim you abused her, domestic violence, she is telling people you are crazy and suicidal. Nothing good can come of this.

See an attorney, protect yourself and your children.

Get STD testing.

Put VARs around the house and keep one on you.

Read up on the 180 and do it.

There is no way I could see her doing that and hurting the kids.

She is hurting the kids now, don't think she won't go further.

Get two books - "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" and "Not Just Friends". She should read them but probably won't. Read them yourself, it will give you an idea of how she should be acting.

Don't respond and don't reveal the source of any information you have obtained. If you feel the need to say anything just say "some people can't keep their mouths shut" and leave it at that.

WW spilt more secrets today she did kiss the guy and he stuck his hands down her pants. There has to be more to it. She said tonight there is more to tell. I spoke to my lawyer friend again today.

Think I've had it this time theres no coming back.

Protection mode switched on.

Did you get the sim card from the trashed phone ?