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deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 12:55 AM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
Sweet guy asked me if I will tell him if I love him. I said I would at the right time. I did not elaborate on that because I am not exactly to the point of being ready or able to do that. He said that’s ok and he can be patient for that as I need time. Is there something wrong with me that I’m not able to commit to that part of the puzzle? Everything is still going great with him, but I just don’t want to take the leap of love yet. He seems fine with it, but I’m an expert over thinker and trying to rip apart his intentions and analyze this. I like how it is right now.
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 1:28 AM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
Totally normal! Many of us BSs are a little (or a lot) gun shy right out of the D gate. "Once bitten, twice shy." The fact that he is not pressuring you is great, and would be a big red flag if he did. Be true to yourself. You will get there when the time/person/relationship is right, and not a moment before. Relax and enjoy your time together. 
For what it's worth, I was like that as well. Took both SO and I three years before we reached that point. Yeah, we moved REALLY slow.
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
dejavu2 ( member #54508) posted at 2:30 AM on Monday, January 28th, 2019
You're not alone. In fact, I posted this very same topic a few months ago. I've been with my new man for over 14 months now yet I still can't say it. I got divorced in July after a long, bitter and super expensive divorce battle from my narcissist ex. He cheated on me multiple times but the last DDay caught me completely unawares as we were in the process of adopting a child and renovating our house. After this, I find it nearly inconceivable that I could trust or truly love a man again.
Thankfully my man seems to be eternally patient and is giving me the time I need to heal (at least for now). I know he wants to get married but the thought of getting married makes me feel like I'm going to vomit- I can't imagine going through that and a subsequent divorce (potentially) again. Clearly I'm not ready. I'm not sure when and if I will be ready, but I'm hoping that time will, in fact, heal all wounds. I hope the same for you.
CatsEye ( member #69037) posted at 7:45 AM on Friday, February 1st, 2019
You'll be ready when you're ready. If your partner is ready before you are, that's inconvenient, but it DOES NOT mean that there is anything wrong with you. Take all the time you need.
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