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Just allow the dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin to wear off and he will stop the pinning.

If you do the same you will see your wayward husband for what he is.

We humans like to think of ourselves as noble beings when in fact many of us behave as beasts.

The chemicals one receives when engaged in sex are the same ones released when abusing cocaine or amphetamines. The same structures also are stimulated. What you and he feel is love or feelings is not it. The recollection of the chemical experience has become encoded into his memories so that if he digs back in his mind to past experiences, he can regain at least a part of the actual "high" experienced at the time.

His wanting closure is a request for another hit....nothing more.

I suggest you take a different approach as other members have suggested. Do not become an enabler. Do not play the pick me dance. Do not fall for his manipulative tactics and gas lighting of you.

I suggest you stop carrying the relationship and require that he do the work to become a safe spouse and rebuild the marriage.

If he is up to it....great! If he is not then you should evaluate why you are staying in a relationship with him.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 10:17 AM, February 8th (Friday)]

His demand for closure is him having a temper tantrum to get his own way.

He basically said to you “OK I will end the Affair but on my terms”.

As I mentioned it was the same for me at Dday1. He ended it with a 73 minute phone call. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The Affair resumed 6 weeks later and it was horrific.

He wanted a D. Yet again.

If he needs “closure” that is cheater speak for “I’m not ready to give her up”. Don’t let it continue.

And I will repeat - nothing will change for you until you come from a place of power and strength. When I was ready to walk out on my H - that was the moment he realized he went too far.

And he had to fight long and hard to get me back.

if this is what you have to go through then let her have him. and tell him that. cause you didn't sign up for this when you married him, so maybe you'll find someone else who understands the whole "vow" thing. because he doesnt'.