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NoOptTo posted 10/10/2019 18:15 PM

IMO, this stinks of your xMIL. She ha s proven herself to lie the help safe face of her wayward daughter. Its yet another family stain that they are trying to mitigate. She often tried to pressure you to R and stuff.

If I was you, I would put out the word of these rumors as straight out lies of the truth. I would not throw your XWW under the bus. Just address the rumors.

Then I would seek legal counsel about a possible slander suit. If you find out where it is coming from, then take them to the cleaners. I'm sure your x-inlaws wont word getting out about having to defend against slander. It could be bad for their business.

Look out for yourself and your good name Director.

ChamomileTea posted 10/10/2019 18:50 PM

I agree with Marz.. inform key people. They'll pass the news along for you. There's no point in suing for slander. You'd have to show damages. And I do think the old saying applies... "if you roll in the mud with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig LIKES it" , so I wouldn't even bother with a confrontation.

Think about all the people who intersect your social circle and have a quiet word. Just remember though that it really doesn't matter what other people think. What matters is that you and your son are enjoying your lives. And for what it's worth, I don't think these lies are being told in an effort to hurt you. Your ex has behaved in an atrocious and embarrassing way. They're trying to save face. As lies go, this was probably the most innocuous they could think of. You'd be surprised how many times the exWS boldly claims it was the BS doing the cheating.

A few words in some well-placed ears should straighten it out. I wouldn't feel bad about doing it either. If your ex didn't want people knowing she's an adulterer, she should've kept it in her pants.

rambler posted 10/10/2019 22:17 PM

Do not try exposure, it could backfire.

You do need to contact an attorney. This is so crazy you should be worried that your x has gone off the rails and presents a safety risk to your child.

If your wife is of sound mind then she still presents a risk to your child as people will assume that your child either has a generic defect or is at least a potential carrier of one.

Bigheart2018 posted 10/11/2019 07:19 AM

I must respectfully disagree with Rambler's assessment. It is less about exposure but more about defending his name. This is a personal attack on the Director in which he has the right to defend.

This is only my opinion.

Bigheart

Tigersrule77 posted 10/11/2019 08:31 AM

Wow. What a bunch of busybodies. Clearly, they know NOTHING about the actual situation.

The story being spread about your D is so ridiculous! If she was so concerned about your "genetic deficiencies" wouldn't that have stopped her before your 1st child? And apparently she did a DNA test on OM before bearing his child?

I can certainly understand why you are angry. Total BS.

As a society, I wish people could mind their own business. Clearly your D did not personally affect any of those people in the conversation. Congrats to the folks who challenged the BS story and told the truth and put a stop to the others who were spreading rumors.

I agree with the others that tell you to make sure you have talked to your friends and your support group. They can challenge the BS from others, if it comes up.

Jduff posted 10/11/2019 12:37 PM

You should consider using that rumor to your benefit. Think about it, director, there is claim from your XW's side of her family (I also think it is from XMIL) that you may introduce a defect to your children and that is why your XW divorced you. So, does that mean they consider your son a defect? Their claim implies that your son will NOT get the full care and attention he needs because of how they view a genetic defect as "rejectable".

Talk with your attorney. Ask about a custody modification based on this XW's belief about genetic deficiencies and how your son may be subject to neglect under your WW's care. Then watch them scramble to defend, walk back those statements, then do everything they can to squash that rumor mill to its source....

Or, they really believe that shit and actually hand you full custody of your perfectly heathy son! Who knows!

knucklehead posted 10/13/2019 08:48 AM

Why not both options: consult attorney; and social media.

Consult your attorney and have him/her write a “cease and desist” letter specifically addressed, separately by name but within the single letter: ExWW, her lover, your mother in law (at the family place of business), your father in law (at the family place of business).

“It has come to the attention of my client that certain false information is being promoted by associates of...”
“Defamatory and demonstrably false”
“emanating from EWW and her assigns”
“As is well known, the cause of the marital breach was infidelity with and pregnancy by XX during the course of the marriage with our client...”
“Clear and stated intent to defraud client by false assigning paternity...”
“As noted by DNA testing, this pregnancy was the product of EWW adulterous relationship with XX...”

Once it’s been delivered, it is posted on social media.

Burn down this house.

[This message edited by knucklehead at 8:50 AM, October 13th (Sunday)]

Bigger posted 10/13/2019 20:38 PM

What would you gain from countering this rumor?
How does this rumor trouble you?
What does it matter if some people feel a need to tell someone else that you have funky spunk?

I wouldn’t spend any time countering it. The people interested in rumors will be on the next one the minute the next politician is caught with a rent-boy. You will be forgotten and old news.

What I would do is tell the truth to anyone that asks. The reason you divorced was that you discovered she was having an affair and that her new son was fathered by Chad (or whatever OM name is). Stick to the simple truth.

josiep posted 10/14/2019 01:11 AM

Well, you do seem to be genetically deficient when it comes to the cheating, lying and stealing genes. I’m snarky enough to suggest you have a Badge of Honor made, proclaiming it loud and clear.

The1stWife posted 10/14/2019 03:44 AM

I suggest doing nothing. One person has already provided a factual account. That info is now being spread around. And it will get back to the XW.

She now looks even more foolish by trying to come up with some “reason” to benefit her for the D. People will figure it out soon enough.

I would take the high road for now. But use the information at a time when it may come in handy - as in “hey XW I want my son for a weekend to do (fill in the blank)”. Leverage the hell out of her by letting her know you know her little ploy to “explain the divorce won’t work but your attorney will certainly enjoy going after her for slander etc,” but you would like to work this out amicably for now.

Stay off social media. It’s unbecoming a man like you. That’s a childish move and you are above that mud slinging.

You knew she would pull something like this. The one person who has set the record straight has shut down that rumor mill. Your XW now looks stupid. Move on but keep that card in your back pocket.

NuckingFuts posted 10/14/2019 10:18 AM

IMO, this stinks of your xMIL. She ha s proven herself to lie the help safe face of her wayward daughter. Its yet another family stain that they are trying to mitigate. She often tried to pressure you to R and stuff.

I agree with this. I suspect xFIL and xWW don't even know about it, and a letter from a lawyer will probably bring it to a quick halt.

Jsmart posted 10/14/2019 10:31 AM

This is why exposure is so important. To further punish you by trying ruin your reputation as being less of a man, is truly low down. I'm sure this was the thinking of the MIL but she would only go forward with the daughter's blessing. Now that your ex is alone and having to deal with all of the questions and whispers, she realizes how badly it looks, so her and mommy dearest concoct this story that pretty much throws you under the bus. She would rather hurt the innocent father of her son than to take the ding on her reputation.

There is no other way to get out front of this, without exposing the truth. Your xWW was having a sexual affair with an employee from your parents company and got pregnant by her younger lover. No need to put it on social media, but it should be told to wide swath of your closest friends. The social circuit will do the rest.

Straight shooters like you always want to take the high road but that road can only be taken by those who face a foe with honor. Unfortunately your ex and her mother have none.

nekonamida posted 10/14/2019 11:33 AM

Director, I think you should do what you want. If you'd like to avoid publicly outing her, be open about your experience with all of your mutual friends. The woman who talked to your mom will definitely combat her narrative but it doesn't hurt to cover the ground with your support group as well.

Personally, I think it hurts to let people believe what they want in these situations. People aren't psychic. They're not perceptive enough to know the torrid background of bull crap a BS has been through. If the only information they receive is lies from a XWS, that's the only information they have to go on. And sure, some people expect their friends and family to reach out and ask them about it but why would they if they think any number of lies? Even if they stay supportive, what good does it do to confront someone you think has just gone through a messy, tragic divorce to ask for intimate details? Exposure and honesty is necessary even if a D has already happened.

director23 posted 10/16/2019 09:41 AM

I thought about everything quite a bit and yesterday brought it up to a few local buddies that each have different social circles. None of them had heard of that rumor, and each of them did say that people still do ask about how I'm doing and a few of them mentioned they basically say I'm doing great and when asked how so they then go in to detail about how I had to live with xww and om child until d was finalized and now that I'm out and living my own life its great. They each said when they basically explain that is when the individual(s) they are talking to actually learn what the f happened and why I'm not associated with the child she birthed.

So with hearing that alone, new people are actually learning the truth and it's a matter of time before any and all rumors are ended.

I appreciate all the feedback! Thanks again.

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