SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

He Who Angers You, Controls You

POSOM angered me more that I have ever been in my life. I had to turn it around and make him angry at me. I am sure after many flat tires that shit got old for him. He had to be a little angry. Meanwhile I was joyful and giddy every time I spiked him.

Meanwhile I was joyful and giddy every time I spiked him.

So you are done? Do you feel you can leave him alone now and work on your own life?

So you are done? Do you feel you can leave him alone now and work on your own life?

I believe that I am done with him. Something about the police coming to my home with a court summons got him somewhat out of my system

Well, that's good news then, Jimmy. I hope everything works out and you can put this worthless idiot in your rearview mirror now.

Glad you’re feeling better, hope you can move on now

I'm glad you're done, too, Jimmy. I hope you get probation without any jail time.

***********

The following is not so much aimed a Jimmy as at others who contemplate attacking POSOM. One point is that doing so is a waste of energy that is better spent on your own healing. Another point is that you can't predict how POSOM will respond.

POSOM angered me more that I have ever been in my life.

Gently, bro, I'd bet a year's income that that's because something - probably fear - is keeping you from finding your anger at your W.

I had to turn it around and make him angry at me.

2 X 4 - how the hell do you get that? Are you 4 years old?

You opened yourself up to a big escalation due to anger that your actions caused. Suppose he had keyed your car in response to your spikes? Suppose he engineered an accident that did a lot of damage. Suppose he got so mad he went looking for someone who could have someone break your bones?

How the hell did you get so reckless as to put your comfort in danger? I think your night in jail is a hell of a lot worse than needing new tires.

In pointing your finger at om, you pointed 3 at yourself.

And you feel vindicated?

*****

So many BSes, especially men, seem to think that the A was about them, that the WS somehow targeted the BSes, that the A was an attack on the BS.

I doubt that's so in the vast majority of As. Rather, I think As come from a combo of a desire to avoid one's own problems and a desire to connect with someone else with a similar desire.

IOW, I believe neither ap cares about the BS(es).

I know when I decided to go after W2b, I didn't care whether she was or wasn't in a relationship. I wanted her, and I took action. I'd have stopped only if she told me to. I don't know how many others felt as I did, but I suspect I'm not alone.

*****

Focusing on the ap slows one's healing down. Continued focus on the ap is an indication that the BS is unwilling to face his own issues. Obviously, then, the cure is for the BS to stop focusing on the ap and start focusing on his own issues.

It's normal to start scared and/or despondent, because the issues seem unresolvable at first. But everybody has issues. The vast majority of us can resolve the vast majority of our issues.

Courage, folks, courage.

If you want to heal and are focusing on the ap, stop. Focus on yourself. You'll be glad you did.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:45 AM, February 13th (Wednesday)]

I know when I decided to go after W2b, I didn't care whether she was or wasn't in a relationship. I wanted her, and I took action. I'd have stopped only if she told me to. I don't know how many others felt as I did, but I suspect I'm not alone.

I can guarantee you that the old POSOM preacher will care from now on out. He was arrogant and thought he’d get away with it for about the 9th time. He thought I’d tuck my tail between my legs and blame my wife 100%, like most men do in this world. He got off lightly. He was fired, divorced, lost most of his assets again (2nd divorce for cheating), and most of our community knows about him now. He, like our POS married sheriff and a lot of other cheating men, like to use that power imbalance, position of trust/authority to fulfill their lustful desires. I’m not bashful about calling men out on their games and I post every article I find on the news about men abusing their positions. Most don’t like it. Too bad.

{{Me on my high horse}}

Well, Jimmy, I hope you got that out of your system and learned some valuable lessons about misdirected anger. I certainly can't condone doing something that could potentially put you in harm's way and/or impact your future.

{{Me on my not-so-high horse}}

Good. Fuck that guy. He deserved it.

[This message edited by squid at 1:05 PM, February 13th, 2019 (Wednesday)]

I am different now compared to how I used to be, thankfully, or I'd still be in prison for what I would otherwise have done on and after that fateful day in February 2017.

But because of the way I used to operate and how my brain used to work, I totally understand the Michael Douglass from Falling Down mentality.

Shit, despite being different now (and on dday) than I was a few years before dday, if I didn't have little people who depend on me being free and gainfully employed ... not sure what I'd have done. It was still tempting to go down in flames and bring the world with me.

[This message edited by SilverLinings55 at 9:33 AM, February 15th (Friday)]

Yep, ^^^^^^^. This

I wonder how many POSOM have been saved by children and lowered testosterone levels?