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I am setting up a polygraph for my wife to take. Besides the obvious questions about sex (she swears she didn't have sex with him) and discrepencies in her stories, do you all have suggestions as to what other kinds of questions I should have him ask her that maybe I haven't thought about yet?

Thanks in advance!

One that I wanted to know, Joe, was if she had cheated with anyone else after we were engaged. I should have had it since we started going out since she had a ONS before we were engaged but were talking seriously. The examiner should make it very clear what cheating means so there's no wiggle room.

I asked whether my husband had any sexual contact with any person I didn’t already know about. I also asked whether he had any social media accounts or email addresses I wasn’t aware of. This was specific to our situation and a result of his actions after dday.

I asked if he had ever engaged in any sexual activity with anyone other than me. I also asked if he had made plans to engage in sexual activity with anyone else. It seems I discovered the affair before it had gotten to that point. It's just super hard to believe sex didn't happen if you are already showing naked pics of yourself.

Thank you for your responses. I'm sending the questions to the polygraph examiner today. Anyone else have any suggestions?

Hi joe cardinals,

I hope this turns out positively for you and Mrs. joe cardinals. I guess you already have the questions pretty much ready to send to the examiner, and I don’t have any suggestions to mention.

I do have a question though—-how many questions are you permitted and what is the cost in your area ?

There’s a woman here in my area (not very far from NYC) that wants $450.00 and I think she allows 3 questions for that price.

I’m curious about what you’re going to pay and how many questions you’ll be permitted to have the examiner ask.

Thanks Joe and I really hope it works out well for you both.

I paid 400 for 3 questions.

I paid $500 for my fWW's polygraph, and it was well spent. She had to do a timeline questionnaire that highlighted all of the EA/PA outside of marriage while we have been married, and then the 3 or 4 questions were sweeping questions. Like, 'Is there any sexual contact that you have had while married that your spouse doesn't know'? The polygrapher told her that if she had anything in her head that wasn't on the timeline and not discussed in the 2.5 hour interview grilling, then she would fail the test.

I will also say that I didn't make a stay/go decision on the poly, but used it for peace of mind knowing I had the full story. Hope your test helps you.

I do have a question though—-how many questions are you permitted and what is the cost in your area ?

I'm not sure exactly how many questions he'll ask. He just told me to email him my questions. I'm guessing he'll condense them into just a few. His rate is only $300 (Kansas City area), which I found to be a really good price for peace of mind. I'll let you all know how it goes.

I also would want to know about any secret emails and or social media accounts. When I started digging I found my WH had a secret email.

I too paid 500$ for my fWH to take a polygraph.

So he failed but he also failed his name several times.

I think he was trying to cheat the system either way he failed to these 3 questions that he swears are not true...

Because I caught him in several EAs that he swears were not PAs I wanted to see what came up.

Did you have any sexual relations with anyone othe than the OW?

Also about timelines issues.. did it start in November etc..

Did she get pregnant ?

Did he stay in hotels with the ow?

Did he buy gifts for the ow ?

Either way I don’t trust him because this was such a shitshow

An interesting suggestion I have heard is to create your own questionnaire of yes/no questions. You can group them by subject matter.

Then your polygraph is directed at the truthfulness of her answers to the questionnaire.

Well, no need to take the polygraph test after all. Since I got the test set up, she came to her senses and came clean about everything that I knew she was lying about. I was really hoping that she would take the test and it would prove me wrong about her sleeping with him.

Even though I knew she had sex with him, hearing it from her was way harder than I thought it would be. I'm just glad it is finally out in the open so I can finally have a chance at healing from this. She had been lying for over 3 months since Dday.

I am so sorry joecardinals.

I remember getting the confession prior to the polygraph test as well.

My only advice, still go through with the polygraph. You most likely only know what she wants you to know.

Your questions can now be “how many times, how much money did you spend on affair, any pregnancy scares, who knew about the affair, etc.”

Hi Joe, I'm sorry you're dealing with this shit sandwich. I would go through with the polygraph and ask broader questions. Unfortunately cheaters have been known to only admit to what they think you can prove.

Unfortunately, I don't think the polygraph allows for very broad questions, they have to be yes/no answers so they have to be pretty specific. I may still go thru with it though, and find some different questions to ask.

[This message edited by joecardinals at 12:55 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]

I don't remember if you had her get an STD test, if not now would be the time to demand it. I agree with others, have her go through with it anyway and ask if there have been other OMs, there's a chance this wasn't her first rodeo and if so, how many? she most likely doesn't know about polygraphs, so she may think she's going to get many questions, make sure you schedule it and tell her she needs to 100% honest before she takes it to even have a chance at R.

BTW you abandoned your initial thread, what was her excuse for keeping contact with her AP after Dday and what consequences did she have ? Has she apologized to all family and close friends for her huge betrayal ? please do NOT rugsweep this, she needs intense IC to find out her "whys", this as a 2 year LTA, she literally lied to your face THOUSANDS of times and is most likely still doing it, until she gets therapy she's not a good candidate for R, not by a long shot, make sure you find an IC that specializes on infidelity.

I'd still ask one question...

Are you still in contact with AP?

Sorry, joe. I would also still go through with the poly. She may be keeping from you how long it's been going on, and other important things you need to know if you are going to attempt reconciliation. And have her get tested for STDs pronto. You as well. Sorry you are going through this, but you have a ton of support. Lots of people who have been in your very place before.