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PAMom45 (original poster new member #70004) posted at 11:24 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
Found out my BS had a secret email account, I spent 3 hours digging.
He has been doing live cam chats since my DD 12/02/18 Which I consider cheating
Factor in signing up for a dating app
checking out this chick every day multiple times a day for days
He gave me different excuses for the app
and said he was only checking this chicks profile to go back to re-read the post, there was nothing good to go back and re-read.
I feel absolutely sick the more I uncover about this man.
yes, I cheated once.
This is way to much and I am done collecting the red flags.
psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 11:54 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
You seemed to have known there was something more, and finally getting some answers can help us make the hard decisions that need to be made. I'm sorry that all of this has happened to you, PAMom. Take care of yourself and whatever needs to happen to get yourself out of infidelity and in a new, healthy place.
BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 12:12 AM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
He has been doing live cam chats since my DD 12/02/18 Which I consider cheating
Factor in signing up for a dating app
checking out this chick every day multiple times a day for days
Are you saying he started the cam chats and signed up on the dating app the same day as d-day? Had he previously known the woman he was cam chatting with? Was he trying to have a revenge affair?
ETA: Also, how long was your affair? Was it an EA/PA?
[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 6:18 PM, March 22nd (Friday)]
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
PAMom45 (original poster new member #70004) posted at 1:09 AM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
I had a PA that lasted a month mostly texts, sex once the dating site was previous to my A. The live cam and checking that girl out on FB was after DD I THINK but he is still doing the live cam and tipping these girls... he does not know them
pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 6:12 AM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
(((((((PA mom ))))))))))))))
Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.
PAMom45 (original poster new member #70004) posted at 4:11 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
The more I looked, The more I could not stop scouring this secret email. The more I looked, the number and sicker I got. I checked EVERY website
Free hookup
adult friend finder
tinder
hot or not
sex sites
his bank accounts hundreds of dollars being tipped to these live cam women.
sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick
He tried to make me feel like I was the bad guy with all this "hurt and pain" he said he had.
I am livid, I am disgusted.
The kids and I are at my mom's, for the time being. He learned this morning that in 2010 the judge granted me full legal rights and custody over the kids, Due to his child abuse charges. He told me I was threatening him. I'm sure he may feel that way. However, I don't care. If he WAS a good father and loving husband than we would have a different situation on our hands wouldn't we?
It's a new beginning, I will not feel ashamed for cheating on him. If I choose to move on to a new relationship in the future, I never plan to cheat again.
Hurtbeyondtime ( member #58376) posted at 4:17 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
PAmom
I think you don’t realize that you opened the door because you Cheated first.
He is still processing what YOU did and is acting out on it!
Stop blaming him for what you did! You say that you consider this cheating but let’s be honest He hasn’t had sex with anyone but you have.
I think you are using all of this as an excuse to minimize your behaviors. You need to talk to him and ask him if he wants to continue the marriage because you broke his heart he’s behaving inappropriately. Discuss it with him don’t just blame him. And go to MC and IC.. you need to own up to your actions.
pinkpggy ( member #61240) posted at 4:21 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
Your whole situation seems extremely tumultuous. Probably for the best you remove yourself and your children from the situation.
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 4:45 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
He was on the dating site, exchanging pics and messages BEFORE dday. That is what you posted on the wayward forum.
Her husband is extremely abusive and controlling. He has spent time in prison for breaking their baby's arm.
He is not acting like this because she broke his heart. He may be hurting over her betrayal,absolutely. But the abuse, the control, and HIS cheating predates her cheating.
He will not ALLOW her to go to IC. Or MC. Because he knows they will tell her to leave. He wont even let her get a driver's license because then he wont have total control of her. She works from home. She is a prisoner in her house. Telling her to submit even more to a man who is actively abusing her is dangerous advice.
Look, I am 99% of the time on the side of the BS. I think a BS has the right to be livid. I think they have all the reason in the world to call their WS a few nasty names(if the shoe fits...). I was in my rage phase for years. This is not what is going on here. This woman and her children are in danger. From everything she had posted,it sounds as if her husband is mentally ill. Throwing herself at his feet is only going to get her stomped.
But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..
PAMom45 (original poster new member #70004) posted at 4:54 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
I took the steps and messaged the woman's husband. He was looking up a woman daily on FB multiple times a day. I had to. He is gonna find out the truth, if they slept together.
YES my husband had a dating app BEFORE my DD
Don't blame me for his abusive ways and secrets.
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 5:28 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
Your whole situation seems extremely tumultuous. Probably for the best you remove yourself and your children from the situation.
I agree with pinkpggy. Great advice.
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
Dragonfly123 ( member #62802) posted at 5:48 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
PAmom I’m so glad you have moved yourself and the children away from this man. Once you have settled it is time to really work on healing yourself.
Read and read again Hellfires post again as many of us entirely agree with her view on what’s been going on here and that’s what you need to heal from.
Good luck!
[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 11:50 AM, March 23rd (Saturday)]
When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where the power is.
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 10:52 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
Her husband is extremely abusive and controlling. He has spent time in prison for breaking their baby's arm.
Not only that but the doctor found 12 OTHER healed fractures. He didn't just break an arm. He had been secretly hurting that baby since they were born. And he still doesn't admit to it.
PAMom, be safe. Rely on your friends and family to help you leave him. Don't make a big deal about it to him. Just pack up and go. He will react badly so you will want to be far away from him when he finds out.
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 12:48 AM on Sunday, March 24th, 2019
I know you feel jumped on but how could you allow him around your children? He broke your son’s arm! You need your mama boots on. Your children’s safety is the most important thing.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:14 AM on Sunday, March 24th, 2019
What Hellfire said!
Glad you got yourself and your children away from this man.
I want to address one thing. I think you should still get IC for all your trauma caused by this man, but also to find the underlying reasons that you cheated. Do that for you so you will know how to handle rough situations better in the future.
Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life
Cephastion ( member #51990) posted at 3:23 AM on Sunday, March 24th, 2019
I haven't been keeping up with things in your end recently, PaMom45, but this place is good for working through more than just infidelity issues.
I was the one who had a fit to get others to get the bigger picture of what you were dealing with, and you are not alone in having to have dealt with an abusive monster of a man for a spouse and father of your children.
There is still a lot of healing and stuff that you need to work thru, even while you detach and recoil from the shock of your wayward husband's hypocrisies and double standards.
His behavior is not as uncommon as you might think where double standards and lack of empathy are concerned. But whatever happens there, you still need support and some truly honest and objective input into your life and situation, I believe.
Please for your sake and the sake of your children, continue to post and process this unresolved things with people on here and counselors or therapists out there in real life, as well.
As it is, this website is the most affordable and accessible way to get counsel that's remotely qualfied in terms of sheer volume of tried and true experiences involved in its membership registry of 70,000 betrayeds and waywards and mad hatters and abuse victims, etc.,...
Why not continue to make the most and best use of this resource?
BH-me / WW-(Pyrite)
Left Thanksgiving 2019 w/ unresolved childhood trauma and other general selfishness issues that she refuses to honestly address, resolve,& heal from.--"For where your wealth/treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Yeshua
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