SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

read your posts as though someone else wrote them, then please tell me what you would advise the other person to do.

I am thinking you are staying because of the years you have invested.

You are not one to leave and I will not suggest it but I can't advise you because my advising you would be to leave.

I just wish you the best of luck

I know I should 100% leave, well, ask him to leave. I'm not uprooting my kids and my menagerie. I completely understand if that is the advice I am given, I have heard it from friends and family for at least a decade. As I said, if it were not for my financial situation this would have ended because Hello...it is unfathomable to stay with someone who cheats and lies for 22 years with two different women. I will never recover from that reality.

However, sometimes despite the betrayal it is just not doable. And I am a realist, I am not holding onto a lifestyle or living the good life trading on this betrayal. I am working my ass off for my kids, one in college, one going next year and paying part of my Dad's nursing home. AND trying to pay down 75,000 in debt. I have already chipped away over 60,000 in 3 years working three, count them three jobs.

So, despite the fact I should have the upper hand right now with respect to my WH doing everything to keep me etc, he is not built that way and I can expect him to be reasonably nice to me and he probably won't cheat anymore because it was exhausting and stressful for him poor dear. But, reality again...it is what it is.

I am sure many many people here are in the same boat at 50 years old (younger/older) that life just has to go on until circumstances change. A lot sadder and broken, a little less joy, but life goes on.

again, my post wasn't a jab, it was sympathetic.

I guess all I am saying is that he doesn't deserve you IMO and his actions have been horrible.

I wish you the best in your days forward.

I get the fact that the more you have invested, the more you have to lose. These are the stories that trouble me the most

I know it wasn't a jab.

I just feel like I'm somehow letting the strong women and men BS down somehow by not taking a hard stand or kicking him out. I feel somewhat like a getting out of infidelity failure

I wish it was different. I wish he was not a liar and cheat. I wish I had the resources to start a new life on my own terms.

C'est la vie.

I appreciate your comment and wish you well.

Sometimes the best people can do is live parallel lives. If this is what you have to do then you have to do it. Just grab some happiness when you can and put a little something away every month. You never know when enough will be enough

Thanks for understanding Northern.

The hardest part in life is that sometimes you have two shit sandwiches and they both taste that way. However, living life for your own satisfaction now hopefully is your goal and ensure that all you can do is be happy in your everyday actions.

I know the dynamic will be strange from here on out and you have been robbed but strong people like you can sometimes compartmentalize and as Cooley said, find that piece of happiness.

You didn't let any of us down. I have no doubt that 20-30 years ago, he would be in some apartment somewhere facing legal fees, or I believe. Your situation is more complicated but with your strength, I am confident you will do well

I am working my ass off for my kids, one in college, one going next year and paying part of my Dad's nursing home. AND trying to pay down 75,000 in debt. I have already chipped away over 60,000 in 3 years working three, count them three jobs.

It does sound like you are a really strong woman, one who is juggling a lot of big things that just come with life... kids going to college, parents starting to get ill and need help. We become super women. I get it and I understand.

I think I might have missed it someplace, what does your husband do for a living? Are you the bread winner in the family? Or is he?

For some this whole shit sandwich can be too much to take in and we just want to show how "strong" we are that we can "take it" and that the infidelity, whether emotional or physical, is not that big of a deal cuz we are so strong and shit happens right? And you just gotta move on sort of stuff we say to ourselves.

You are a good woman. A good person. Hold on to that and know that you don't deserve any of this. Take care of the things you can do now, for you.

Hello,

My husband works as well, mining, is on 7 and off 7, alternating nights and days. When he is off, he is off laying on the couch or doing his own thing because he works, don't you know!

But my job (s) allow for the repayment of the debt plus I managed to put together the money needed to buy a lovely little house (down payment) 3 years ago after the fiasco of losing $250,000 on a previous house 5 years ago. My husband works his job and won't even do overtime because he shouldn't have to!

I am of the mind that shit happens and we deal with it but finding out about my WH cheating has completely blown me off my feet. I feel like my life and emotional health is now made delicate handblown glass, any minute if I step wrong the whole thing will shatter into so many pieces I will not be able to put it back together. This feeling of fragility is unsettling and makes me unnaturally calm these days.

I wonder if this dreadful feeling of impermanence and illusion of stability is normal for BSs. It sucks the big one.

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 4:17 PM, April 20th (Saturday)]