It's been awhile since I posted. Been busy with the recently moved-in gf and her 9 yo son.
I've forgotten how much the dynamic changes from "dating/in a relationship" with someone, to "might as well be married."
I've been in a relationship with this girl for over 6 mos now. She and her son moved in with me at the end of February, after her new landlord decided to jack the rent on her sh*thole apartment that he never maintained. While we were planning on moving in together in May/June, it just felt rushed.
I used to be excited to see them on the weekends, when I'd go stay with them, or they'd come stay with me.
Now, I find living with them and their cats completely tedious and exhausting. Cats get into everything and on every counter. Her son gripes about having to eat healthy most of the time and is quite "needy/clingy." I understand his neediness, because his sperm donor (biological father) left his mother at birth. He just wants a dad.
The gf is constantly on social media. She claims she's just on there for "the articles," but I suspect with her low-/non-existent self esteem, she's just fishing for feel-goods from "Likes, comments, etc." She's also become very clingy at night. I used to enjoy cuddling before bed and now it just seems tedious.
My other big "complaint" about her is the fact that every time I ask if she loves herself, as she claims to love me, she throws it back in my face with, "What's loving myself go to do with loving you?"
I know she and I have both been through a lot. I'm twice divorced, been cheated on, used, etc. She's never been married (very much wants to be), been cheated on, used, etc. Yet, I'm at a place in my life where I feel I can love myself without living off everyone else's compliments and "feel goods." She, on the other hand, seems to constantly be fishing for "feel goods," be it compliments or some other kind of validation.
Before we lived together, she didn't seem to be this needy or validation hungry. It drives be NUTS! I've been trying to get her to figure out why self-love is important, but I feel like I'm not getting through to her--either she's not interested or just completely unwilling to love herself. My concern is that, bc she refuses to love herself, at some point, she'll expect me to love her doubly--as in, basically giving up everything I am, my own sense of self love, value, confidence, happiness, etc--to love her and make her happy.
/Rant
Comments, suggests, etc are welcome.
Me: BS Younger 30s
Her: XWW Younger 30s, NPD, kept contact with ex-bfs, ex-lovers, etc
XWW's AP: Married, 3 kids, younger 40s
Married Nov 30, 2013
DDay Jan 24, 2016
Divorced Nov 30, 2016