I don’t feel satisfied by what my WH and our psychologist have settled on as “reasons for him straying”
These are their Reasons cited for his cheating...
As per psychologist- Here is list of contributory things identified in his sessions:
-Sex
-sexual excitement/fantasy
-Porn
-Feeling inadequate
-Low self esteem - hence feeling flattered and getting hooked in when someone flirts with him - which may have opened the door
-Work stress and not communicating it
-Having small children and the changes within the marriage that accompany that
-Not choosing right (from wrong)
-not thinking about the consequences actions may have on others
These are what has been identified by our psychologist. At the end of the day. She says I have got the answer now and should stop digging as she says- There are usually lots of contributing factors - but it doesn't change the action.
I however feel like this list is so superficial and doesn’t make him dig any deeper. On a personal level. I don’t know. Or does this explain why and no need to dig deeper?
As a graduate Psyche major specializing in Marital /Intimate relationships, all of the above are "things" that many people experience in a devoted relationship. Anyone can "suggest" what's wrong, but ultimately it's up to the couple to address the perceived whatever. I have a hard time when I read a therapist merely stating (subjectively) what's wrong, yet has no plan per se. Imagine being in a therapy session and the counselor says: this is wrong...that is wrong...etc. No shit- something is wrong, now give us your supposed acumen as to how to correct it.
No one wants to be shamed- even indirectly, so "if" either of the two parties is serious about repairing, amending, or ultimately fixing the perceived problems, then listing what is wrong as opposed to what is or was right is evidence that the therapist could have taken a different approach. IMO.
Bottom line? "if" the couple is adversarial and/or can't or will not entertain a compromise, then there is no therapist (usually) that can avert that unfortunate unwillingness to remember why both people actually got together in the first place.Often, that's lost "if" both felt something in the beginning.
I have been through this as well..My loyalty was mocked when after 1 session my ex wife felt no need after 10 years.And I assure you, I am imperfect, yet my ex wife was a priority. Never good enough.
So this is not about me, but others who blame themselves...wonder how they were abandoned....wonder why their partner couldn't consider time spent in order to negate simply walking away.Always questions and many unanswered, yet NEVER think that you failed...that you did not do enough... and when you attempted to do something and for whatever reason was never enough, then take solace that it was indeed enough. When people do not have the capacity to recognize kindness, then you must accept that and "possibly" be open to those who are kind as well.